My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!

[Hellmouth]

This is a bluff that you must call down.

Greg

Play when she is in class or hanging out with her friends.

Agree with the others who say she's just making a power play. Stand firm on this one, because she'll probably want more if you cave in.

I had an ex-gf tell me she thought I played too much poker. And I played too much chess. And how dare I cheer for the Chiefs when she's a Broncos fan (I'm actually a Giants fan, but I can't stand the Broncos =) And how I should get a job instead of going to grad school. Then she bought me a leash phone. Then, she told me how all my friends were assholes and I need to stop hanging out with them. Then she told me that she didn't want me hanging out with any girls (two in particular) while she wasn't around. Never mind that I knew them both since high school and shared classes with them, way before she ever came along. And never mind that she could hang out with whatever guys she wanted whenever she wanted. Then she wanted me to move in with her.

Of course, she also told me how all her previous a-hole boyfriends just broke up with her for no reason.

It was misery. So pretty soon, I started doing all the above and more just to piss her off....except move in. Then I broke up with her "for no reason." Bottom line, this road is NOT worth it.

I'm sure you'll work things out for the best. But don't let her give you the guilt trip "do it for me," or think you made a fair arrangement only to hear later on... "well, I let you play ten hours of poker every month, so you should do whatever for me." Good luck.

ScottieK

You need to figure out two things.

1) What is behind the request? Is she afraid you're going to become a gambling addict or is it truly just a matter of her wanting you to spend more time with her? If it's the latter, that's a perfectly reasonable thing to complain about and you should look at ways to spend more time and more high quality time with her. If it's the former then chances are you're always going to have issues.

2) Which is more important, her or poker? I am not remotely going to suggest you dump her for poker but if you're planning on poker as a career, or even as a part time job while you finish college and over the summers, there is a radical lifestyle change to move to a "normal" job.

And finally, some folks are saying there is always another girl. There isn't. Most women suck in all the wrong ways and if she's right and you screw it up you may spend the next twenty years not finding someone worth your time. Only you can make that assessment.

[revots33]

Is it possible her ridiculous "3 hour/wk or less" demand stems from a fear that you are (or will become) addicted to poker? Maybe she thinks she is somehow helping to save you from yourself. I've seen this with a good friend of mine and his wife.

Either way, I think an honest talk with her is a good idea. Tell her that you will spend more time with her, but that you don't accept ultimatums to give up things you enjoy.

[ QUOTE ]
So tonite my girlfriend decided to tell me that she thinks I need to play (a lot) less poker. I admit, she is correct; sometimes I am less attentive to her than I should be, etc, etc...

I am a senior in college. Currently I play 15-20 hrs/week. So she says "lets determine how many hours you should play per week..." I'm thinking, "ok, she'll say like 10ish".

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"

Well geez, didn't expect that one. So, of course I have no doubt that I can do that, but I explain to her that this is my job. This is how I buy us dinner and movies. I explain how I am playing well within my limits, that I never risk any sizeable portion of my money.

Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt. I just can't get across to her the idea that it is simply a part time job. I have no intention of letting it become my life or livelihood.

Basically, I am willing to play less (or none at all), but I'd like to hear y'alls feedback on this topic. Surely there are people out there with some girlfriend experience...

[/ QUOTE ]

I would call, but fold on the turn if she bets out again or raises.

[guaranteedBluff]

What is "poker addiction"?

How would you define it?

[Dominic]

do you pee sitting down?

[Colonel Kataffy]

[ QUOTE ]
Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt.

[/ QUOTE ]

Lets assume for a minute that she is worth more than poker, which I doubt she is, this line is just bound to lose her anyway.

If you do this, you transfer all the power to her. She'll feel like you will do anything to keep her and she will have no fear of losing you. You will then become boring and unattractive to her. She will feel safe testing the water and meeting new guys, guys whom she has yet to win complete approval from, knowing that you will be waiting for her just in case things don't work out. Basically, you'll turn into a friend.

Do just the opposite. Tell her that you are young and that her putting these demands on you just makes you realize how much you value your independance. Tell her that she is an important part of your life, but that right now she is just one part of your life. Tell her that you have a lot of oppertunities right now that you don't want to miss out on.

Will she be pissed and upset, sure that will be her first reaction. Then she'll think about how you are willing to choose poker over her and that she isn't all that great and how smart and attractive you are and how she doesn't want to lose you and how lucky she was to ever to be with a guy like you in the first place. Then you can continue to date her and she'll remain attracted to you.

I know this doesn't appeal to the true love romantic in you, but if you want to save your relationship, you certainly can't let her push you around.

[BAK]

[ QUOTE ]
So tonite my girlfriend decided to tell me that she thinks I need to play (a lot) less poker. I admit, she is correct; sometimes I am less attentive to her than I should be, etc, etc...

I am a senior in college. Currently I play 15-20 hrs/week. So she says "lets determine how many hours you should play per week..." I'm thinking, "ok, she'll say like 10ish".

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"

Well geez, didn't expect that one. So, of course I have no doubt that I can do that, but I explain to her that this is my job. This is how I buy us dinner and movies. I explain how I am playing well within my limits, that I never risk any sizeable portion of my money.

Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt. I just can't get across to her the idea that it is simply a part time job. I have no intention of letting it become my life or livelihood.

Basically, I am willing to play less (or none at all), but I'd like to hear y'alls feedback on this topic. Surely there are people out there with some girlfriend experience...

[/ QUOTE ]

You start this by saying that you agree with her, that you are playing too much poker and not paying enough attention to her. This is the place to start thinking about the situation. Why do you think 15 - 20 hours is too much time spent playing poker? If you think that 10 hours is really a better amount of time to play, then I would start there. Let her know that you agree you have been spending too much time playing and that you think 10 hours is a better amount for you. Find out why she thinks 3 hours is right.

Talk about it with her honestly. But make sure that whatever you agree to do is something that you truely agree to. In the end, you need to be happy with the agreement or it will effect your relationship with her and, from your post, it seems like you are otherwise happy with her.