Beat the War Posts: Humorous Poems and Limericks

[Zeno]

The chaos of War is in the air. I have been working too hard recently and have no time for poker. I'm in a bad funk, so time for some fun posts.

Time to knock out all the war and political posts, at least for a bit. Time to smile, before we all dive off a cliff into an unknown sea.

Here are some Limericks. I will follow with a humorous poem.

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam
Complacently stroking his madam,
And loud was his mirth
For he knew that on earth
There were only two balls - and he had'em


There's a notable family named Stein
There's Gert and there's Ep and there's Ein.
Gert's prose is all bunk,
Ep's sculpture is junk,
And nobody understands Ein.


When Titan was mixing rose madder
His model was posed on a ladder.
Her position to Titan
Suggested coition,
So he nipped up the ladder and had'er.


The breasts of a barmaid of Crail
Were tattooed with the price of brown ale,
While on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Braille.



The Bloody Orkneys

This bloody town's a bloody cuss-
No bloody trains, no bloody bus,
And no one cares for bloody us-
In bloody Orkney.

The bloody roads are bloody bad,
The bloody folks are bloody mad,
They'd make the brightest bloody sad,
In bloody Orkeny.

All bloody clouds, and bloody rains,
No bloody kerbs, no bloody drains,
The Council's got no bloody brains,
In bloody Orkney.

Everything's so bloody dear,
A bloody bob, for bloody beer,
And is it good? - no bloody fear,
In bloody Orkney.

The bloody 'flicks' are bloody old,
The bloody seats are bloody cold,
You can't get in for bloody gold,
In bloody Orkney.

The bloody dances make you smile,
The bloody band is bloody vile,
It only cramps you bloody style,
In bloody Orkney.

No bloody sport, no bloody games,
No bloody fun, the bloody dames,
Won't even give their bloody names
In bloody Orkney.

Best bloody place is bloody bed,
With bloody ice on bloody head,
You might as well be bloody dead,
In bloody Orkney.

Captian Hamish Blair


Ah -- Bollocks!

Hope others will add more and build the post up - Humor instead of War. Laughter instead of Death. (If it were only that simple)

-Zeno