Look Mom/Dad I won 12K

[sabre170]

You could take your folks' minds entirely off poker by making a skydive. If you like it, your $12K win can go into your new obsession. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Seriously, your parents' respect is important, but it is not the most important thing. Think through your values, then stand by them.

Sabre170

[Vroomster]

Your story sounded a lot like something I just went through a month ago, with the main difference being I didn't win 12k. I'm a 21 year old college student, pursuing my masters, and at home for the summer because my internship is in the city nearby. Due to this, I'd spend an hour or 2 playing poker every weekday, sometimes a bit more if i don't have plans, which is rare. On the weekends, its quite a few more hours, usually 4-6, because my friends don't want to hang out until the evening/night. When my parents noticed that I was playing, they asked me if I was playing for real money. Rather than lie to them, I told them that it was for real money, and that I had been playing for over a year. At that point, all hell broke loose.

My parents made the following points:

1) Poker is just gambling, and gambling holds the risk of losing all your money, and going into debt.

My answer: I explained some of the basic ideas behind winning play; how it was based on math, how with strict bankroll management, and the discipline to drop down limits when losing. I then showed them that I had a winning record. If this explanation does not soften them even a little bit, then there is little hope that they will ever see poker as a beatable game.


2) Do I plan to just play poker all the time, and throw away my life?

My answer: I understand that my parents and I have put in a great deal of money and effort into getting an eduction. I don't plan on quitting my education. I plan on continuing to work in the technology sector, and that poker will just be a sideline hobby for me. To parents who are brought up in the old school line of thought that a 9-5 job that is high paying (100k+) is the key to having a comfortable life, the idea that you might get enamored with short term success and quit everything else, leaving you with no security net is terrifying.

3) What you're doing is immoral. You are stripping people of their money who most likely need it. There will be people who are leaving their family hungry because of you.

I didn't have much of answer for my dad for this question, mostly because I didn't realize it until he brought it up. I never could give him a satisfactory answer for this because I knew that deep down, I didn't really care about these people, as cold as that seems. They had taken the risk of sitting down at a table where the rule is to take the money of everyone else sitting down. However, to my dad, who was brought up with the thinking that gambling is for degenerates and lowlifes, and is often looked upon as the easy way out for poor people (Read about the numbers game played in Brazil, which my dad used in his argument). In the end, my dad will probably never fully respect my poker playing, but I don't always respect all his choices either. That is life, you learn to cut people slack, and if they don't, you shrug and move on.


My final understanding with my parents was that I would play, but always be careful to limit my time playing, and they would not comment upon my playing because it was a choice I was making in my own life. They had shared their thoughts, and I had shared mine, and we understand that we cannot come to a mutual agreement on all issues. I generally never refer to the topic of poker around them, and promise to keep my education as my top priority. It probably helps that my parents were brought up in anohter country, and that we have argued over other issues. In some of them we have come up with resolutions, but in some others we were not able to. Poker will be one of the latter issues.

Now, a lot of ppl have been advocating telling your parents to [censored] off. I'm not sure what your relationship is with your parents, but I love my parents, and respect them a great deal. They have given a great deal to make me happy, and have always sacrificed to give my sister and me whatever we need. Due to that, I'll always listen to what they have to say, but in the end, it is my life, and I have to make my own decisions as an adult. After I move out, they wont really know/care that I play poker part-time. I will hopefully have a job that I enjoy (I've usually enjoyed my internships), and this way, they'll feel that they have brought up a productive upstanding citizen. In a way, by ignoring my poker playing, they're fooling themselves, but, I say if doing something makes you happy, it is your choice.

Good luck with your parents. [img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img]

[Pasterbator]

[ QUOTE ]
another meaningful win and they will be your biggest fans.
(trust me)

[/ QUOTE ]

This is 100% true. I experienced this on a slightly smaller scale. I won a $5 rebuy for $3600 as my first big win. I got a similar reaction to you. A week later i won it again, for $5200. This impressed them. The more i showed them that im serious about poker, the more understanding they became. I'm sure it'll work out for you.

Goodluck
Jason

[yvesaint]

buy a car and drive around in the front yard

[cadillac1234]

[ QUOTE ]
I won a $5 rebuy for $3600 as my first big win. I got a similar reaction to you. A week later i won it again, for $5200. This impressed them.

[/ QUOTE ]

To paraphrase Trotter from 'Let it Ride', "It's not my gambling that bothers you, it's been my losing"

[beach_bum]

[ QUOTE ]
buy a car and drive around in the front yard

[/ QUOTE ]

That is one of the funniest, if not the funniest, posts I have ever seen on this site!

[ThaHero]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm sure many players have parents who think their kids are gambling their money away on poker. These parents are often the same people who spend lots of money on the daily numbers, getting 500-1 on a 1000-1 shot. They lump all gambling together and obviously don't know anything about odds or EV.

[/ QUOTE ]

This describes my mom very well. She tells me that I should just play the California Lottery instead of playing poker. That I'm basically doing the same thing. I try to explain odds and EV to her, but she doesn't understand. She doesn't mind gambling so much. She plays the slots herself, although not as much as she used to. But she doesn't seem to understand why I can win at poker in the long run, since it's gambling.

I think the OP got great advice in this thread, so nothing to add there, but I wanted to touch on this.

I am gonna bring up something that no one has yet mentioned - perhaps because everyone here is in the same boat.

I don't think your dad's respons has anything to do with the money. I don't think this is about his perception of gambling.

I think it has to do with something more significant to him - the fact that you made money without contributing anything of value.

Your dad is a doctor - your sister is a doctor - your brother is a lawyer - these are all professions where you get paid (well) to provide some meaningful service to the client/patient. People who pursue medicine as a career are generally the sort of people who get enjoyment out of helping people.

For your dad, I think he is upset because you are choosing to make money without contributing anything to society. You are choosing a means of earning income that is entirely narcissistic - you are doing something that is entirely self-focused.

To me, this is more about him wanting you to have better values than it is an issue with gambling.

[TaoTe]

I'd say congrats, but I'm too honest. I'm just jealous. Wish I had 12K. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[mindflayer]

as George would say..
SERENITY NOOOOOWWWWW!!!!
do NOT let your feelings get in the way of playing
good poker.