Popping the question

[CCass]

My wife and I discussed marriage many times before I ever "popped the question". We had already agreed on most of the tough subjects: kids, holidays, religion, etc...

We had even discussed possible dates for the wedding. I was a poor college student at the time, and she had just graduated so money was a huge issue. In late January we agreed to make the wedding plans (for the upcoming June) even though I couldn't afford to buy her a ring.

Valentine's Day was on a weekend, and she was coming to spend the weekend with me (we were about 200 miles apart at the time). With the help of my mom I picked out a modest diamond ring on Thursday before she was set to arrive on Friday evening. When she got to my apartment, I did the traditional down on 1 knee thing and asked her to marry me while giving her the ring (which she was obviously not expecting). We told my family of our plans that weekend, and the next weekend we told her mom. We also went to see her dad, whom I had never met. That was an interesting meeting to say the least. FWIW, her dad is old fashioned (as am I in many ways), and I did ask his permission to marry his daughter.

We have now been married for 15+ years.

[Chobohoya]

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I'm only 19, so I don't plan on having to do this anytime in the near future, but I feel it's an area where I should be knowledgeable.

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Obviously this comes agross as a drunken rant (and rightfully so) but the thing is, I don't care how serious things are between you and your g/f (if you even have a g/f), you have a lot fo things you need to experience before the idea of marriage even enters your head.

Establish your education and your employment. Live life and realize that the committments will still be possible later in life. Don't let outside influences dictate your priorities.




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Good rant. Took parts of OP's post just enough out of context and had just enough of a hysterical drunken tone.

[Chobohoya]

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My wife and I discussed marriage many times before I ever "popped the question". We had already agreed on most of the tough subjects: kids, holidays, religion, etc...

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I think this is either normal or becoming so. I got engaged back in march, and we had been discussing everything under the sun for a long time. If you can't talk to someone about this sort of thing before you get married, I wish you the best of luck, but you're probably going to end up as a divorce statistic.

I asked her father for permission (he said yes), and I would reccommend doing this to everyone. Even if you know he's going to say no, you've put the effort in, and that can count for a lot with your spouse and her family/friends.

As for actually asking, this sort of thing totally depends on the type of people you are and the nature of your relationship. Some people are just more laid back or non-romantic. People love to generalize, but that will get you in a lot of trouble in a moment this (potentially) big. Do your homework and find out what she wants and expects.

My fiancee "knew" that I was going to ask her on our anniversary, so when I actually did it a few weeks before that, she was shocked, delighted, ecstatic, etc. I was very fortunate that her God-mother is a jeweler and good friends with her mother. I was able to enlist her help in getting a ring that was PERFECT for us while telling my fiancee that it wouldn't be ready until april, and maybe not then. So when I took her back to the site of the very first time I asked her out, she thought I was just being my usual romantic self. Of course that was true, but more than she knew [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] She said yes, but she was so shocked it took her a full 5 seconds or so to get a word out.

[PokerGoblin]

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Good rant. Took parts of OP's post just enough out of context and had just enough of a hysterical drunken tone.

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Thanks. I am glad you liked it. I was in a preachy mood last night for some reason.

[Sponger15SB]

I am going to write her a note in crayon and hand it to her.


Will you marry me?

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

(check one)

[OtisTheMarsupial]

The element of surprise is in the presentation of the ring and the question. But the ring is something she wil likely wear for the rest of her life and so she'd better like it. And guess what, you don't have good taste, you will not be able to pick out a ring she will like without help from her or her friends.

[Chobohoya]

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Good rant. Took parts of OP's post just enough out of context and had just enough of a hysterical drunken tone.

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Thanks. I am glad you liked it. I was in a preachy mood last night for some reason.

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I'm actually getting a little fired up about the conventions of marriage in this country now. It's just crazy to me that marriage is supposed to solve all these problems. Having a baby? get married! Unstable life? Need someone to latch onto? Get married! (for fundamentalist christians) Really want to get laid? Get married!

People who shouldn't or don't need to get married seem to get married more than people who really want to make a family together. Or, as you pointed out, they already "made a family" together, and now they're panicking. 9 times out of 10, they're going to not only get divorced, but screw up the lives of their families, friends, and kid(s). It just makes me sick. And don't even get me started on fundies. Ugh.

[pokerdirty]

"Well, let me be the first to say congratulations to you man; you have one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart man."

[MEbenhoe]

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I am going to write her a note in crayon and hand it to her.


Will you marry me?

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

(check one)

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haha, this with the right girl would be brilliant.