A family with a history of addiction ... and me

[Bluffoon]

I don't think you need to justify your behaviour to these people. I would point out to your wife that you are a responsible husband and father and let her know that you are not all that concerned about her families opinion of your "gambling problem" and that you will not make an issue this time of their misguided judgements.

I would also keep an eye on these people. They sound like troublemakers to me. It sounds to me like they are trying to interfere and or control you and your relationship with your wife. Big red flag.

[SossMan]

"But what about the people who don't suck at gambling?"

[fyodor]

I think there is a big difference between addictive personality and compulsive personality.

To the casual observer (ie anyone that is aware of the amount of time and energy I invest in poker) I am addicted and I will eventually lose it all back and be forced to live in a van down by the river.

In fact I have a compulsive personality that would quit poker in an instant if I weren't making money at it. As long as I am though, I am totaly absorbed.

I proved this in the past with chess. I started studying chess and playing tournaments very late in life. I had a goal of making 'expert' (elo 2000-2200). On my way I ate, slept and breathed chess. When I finally made expert I realized that the next step - master - would require me to double my efforts. There were too many other things to do in my life so instead I just quit.

If this sounds like something you've done, tell the people around you that they're the addicted ones. Addicted to illinformed speculation.

[jacki]

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PS: Please inform your friends that I'm not a "ringer." [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

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you didn't even make the final table in a 2-table tournament. I don't think they were too worried.

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[yoadrians]

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Adrians,

Don't know you much at all, but just judging from the tournament the other night, you're like a lot of 2p2ers -- a guy who is fascinated by the game, likes to play and think about it, does well when he plays... just like anyone with a hobby.

If your wife is keeping her eyes open and doesn't think you have a problem, I wouldn't worry about having a "gambling problem." You might want to evaluate if you're giving up too much time to your hobby in lieu of your family, and it sounds like you're doing that -- good for you.

As for the extended family and friends, there's not much more you can do than be open and honest with them about your playing. I still have family members concerned for me, and others that are very proud. I have an open book policy -- I assure anyone who wants assurance that I'll print out my PT stats, Neteller transactions, etc. I'll give them a lecture on probability if they want. Whatever it takes to reassure someone. And most people, even if they don't get it, are reassured that I'm taking it seriously and cautiously, and they trust me not to mess up my life. There are still a few people who worry, and a lot of people who I haven't gotten a chance to discuss it with (more, after that WSJ article... [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]). Some people will refuse to view poker as anything but negative EV gambling, like slots/roulette/craps. Or that it is a dishonest, immoral way to make money.

Thankfully, no one in my life that REALLY matters feels that way. I don't know what I'd do if they did. But I'd imagine if a parent/spouse truly felt that way, it'd be worth reconsidering whether poker was worth damaging that relationship.

In summation, you sound like a guy with his head square on his shoulders to me, and certainly not a problem gambler. I'd suggest not constantly bringing up poker around the family/friends who might be concerned, other than to just let them know that if they're truly concerned, you would be glad to talk with them openly about it. If you have nothing to be ashamed of, there's no reason to hide.

Best of luck man,
madtown

PS: Please inform your friends that I'm not a "ringer." [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

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Madtown - Thanks for the response, man.

I'll immediately lie to my family and tell them you aren't a 'ringer' [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Hope to see you at the next one - it was great to have another 'thinking' player at the table with 'jacki' and I.

Peace ... and thanks for the words, once again.

- yoadrians

[captZEEbo1]

You MIGHT have obsessive compulsive disorder.

Try to explain there's a difference between being addicted to poker and addicted to gambling. Just say stuff like "I'm not going to go and bet our house on red at the roulette table". I'm addicted to playing poker, which is just like a video game, except money is involved. Insure them that you have NO interested in slots, blackjack, craps, horse racing, sports betting, etc, etc, etc.

Nothing inherently wrong with having an obsessive mind imo. The best in brightest in the world all have obsessive minds, else they wouldn't be able to excel in their fields without the total dedication.

[uw_madtown]

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[ QUOTE ]

PS: Please inform your friends that I'm not a "ringer." [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

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you didn't even make the final table in a 2-table tournament. I don't think they were too worried.

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

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[img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Dude, Max runs good. Also, you didn't mention when you said there'd be one other person under 25 there, that it was going to be a 12 year old that'd bust my ass.

I just found it funny walking up, when I was getting introduced to you and Adrians that I heard the people that were grouped a few feet away muttering "Is that the ringer?"

Like I said, I suck at NL. :-\

[ QUOTE ]
Madtown - Thanks for the response, man.

I'll immediately lie to my family and tell them you aren't a 'ringer' [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Hope to see you at the next one - it was great to have another 'thinking' player at the table with 'jacki' and I.

Peace ... and thanks for the words, once again.

- yoadrians

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No problem. It's no fun dealing with the social aspect of poker sometimes, but most reasonable people will give you a chance to explain the nature of poker to them, or at least have faith in you until you give them reason to think otherwise.

[jacki]

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You DO have obsessive compulsive disorder.

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FYP.



You should see this guy's nightly work checklist.

[climber]

Thanks for the honest constructive post.
Sounds like you are on the right track wiht developing some other interests. Registering on 2+2 at a similar time as you and having a similar post count lets me know how much time you spend on here. I think the big thing that affects people's perceptions of you is what they see you talking about and or doing in your spare time. Make a special effort to tone it down around them and that should help.

The other thing is your wife. I just got one of those myself and its been interesting sorting out how to make it all work. I'd higly reccomend not letting your wife see you on 2+2 all the time. Set regular hours for your playing together with her and check in regularly to make sure that some night she wouldn't rather cuddle with you and watch TV. Since your not a poker pro and your income doesnt depend on getting in hours i'd def prioritze your family.

Your wife's family's perceptions of you are gonna be pretty heavily based in stuff they hear from her. Make sure she is doing well emotionally and let her know that you also care how they think of you and that will go a long way to making sure she presents you and your activites to them in a favorable light.