Hobbes's Wife Would Make An Exception for Snoball138

[David Sklansky]

Upon further reflection, I realized I was too hasty in disagreeing with Hobbe's wife regarding whether guys who pretend to befriend girls, hoping to eventually have sex with them, are "snakes in the grass". My gut reaction to that statement was clouded by the knowledge that I had to do just that to produce a great all around moderator for these forums.

Actually in most cases she is right. In fact I know of at least one such case personally. He is inept with girls and thus resorts to this dishonest, sometimes successful ruse. And when he succeeds and moves on, the girl is pretty devastated.

But I can think of two types of exceptions. One is where the girl has it coming. Because she toys with nice man and sleeps with jerks as in the movie Of Human Bondage. Whether Hobbe's wife would admit that this is an exception, I don't know.

But I'm sure she would agree the second type of exception is OK. Namely when the guy really and truly likes her and is hoping for a serious relationship. He chooses the friends route only because nothing else works. And the fact is that he DOES want to be her friend, among other things. He gives up the friendship eventually if he can't get more, not because he doesn't feel friendly toward her but because it is too painful to deal with her every day on that basis. Given he actually likes the girl a lot more than the guys she is "seeing" (I love that euphamism), this last ditch "ploy is justified. Right Mrs. Hobbe's?

enough. this is getting creepy. go get a hooker pls.

[FouTight]

The second exception isn't really an expection at all because it's presented as him truely wanting to be her friend, not pretending.

My long time girlfriend and I worked together, we became friends, but I certainly wanted more, we started dating, and it didn't work out, she moved off to college.

We stopped talking for a while, it was way too painful for me, but then I realized I was better off having her as a friend then not having her in my life at all.

After a couple of years of a long distance friendship, she moved back after school, and we eventually (and accidently) started a very great relationship that is approaching 4 years...

This may just be a brag post, but I think I have a point.

[ QUOTE ]
Upon further reflection, I realized I was too hasty in disagreeing with Hobbe's wife regarding whether guys who pretend to befriend girls, hoping to eventually have sex with them, are "snakes in the grass". My gut reaction to that statement was clouded by the knowledge that I had to do just that to produce a great all around moderator for these forums.


[/ QUOTE ]

30 Horribleness Points.

[Warren Whitmore]

Although I agree that you technique is good and valid. Certainly making a friend out of a woman is a good thing whether it works out or not. I was in "love" many many years ago with a woman who was 4 years older than I. She was 18 and I 14. I befrended her nothing more came of it romantically. 30 years later we are still good buddies. No harm and lots of good years as a result.

Your logic eludes me on the Mat example. I would not exist if it were not for slavery, cigarettes, and booze. Still I would not suggest using these as dating techniques.

I never thought Skalansky would sound like a 13 year old boy listening to Self Esteem or I'm The One.

My wife already thinks I'm a damned idiot for posting on this thread. You aren't helping my cause here any.

But in the interest of discussion, I'll run this one by her and suffer the inevitable eye rolling. Maybe I can talk her into posting in her own words.

By the way, I've never argued that my wife's opinion is the be all end all to matters of dating. She's just one woman. I only mentioned her opinion while pointing out that women are generally aware of the "friends" technique.

[RJT]

David,

Your post here seem pretty much Machiavellian.* I think I’ll start calling you the Prince. Although, I am sure you would rather I called you the King. Since King isn’t appropriate to the context, you will have to suffer (in silence preferably - joking.) [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

RJT

* For those not aware of the allusion - Nicolo Machiavelli wrote “The Prince” back in the Renaissance era. Its main theme regarded "the end justifying the means".

Ok, I tried to get my wife to respond to this post, but she said she wasn't going to get sucked into my "insane world."

Anyway, I ran the two "exceptions" by her. In the first case, she argued that there is no sure way to know that a woman has led you on or played mind games with you unless you have made your intentions clear because there's always the possibility that she is taking your friendliness at face value and is clueless to the fact that you have a thing for her. It is, therefore, unethical to take advantage of your relationship with her.

I agree, and argued this point earlier.

The second case she views as entrapment, pure and simple. If a man has feelings for a woman, there's no better time than the present to make those feelings known.

I would add that waiting two months while trying to ratchet up a woman's emotional attachment to you, only to then hold it over her head as punishment for rejecting your advances is not an act of friendship.

[SNOWBALL138]

Hi Hobbes,

I didn't want to do this, because it makes me look bad, and frankly, its no one's business, but I really feel that people are overlooking Sklansky's insight into this matter.

Anyway, here goes:

A few days ago I had a girl over. I've known here for almost two years. I made a move on her, and she shot me down, because she's with another guy right now. I said thats ok, and I understand that she doesn't want to be with me, but I also explained that I can't be friends with her.

I didn't try to make her feel guilty, and I didn't try to make her feel sorry for me. We said our goodbyes. Two days later she calls me, and she's all over me. She says she wants to break up with her boyfriend for me. I explained that I can't be her boyfriend, and she shouldn't leave the guy she's with for me. Then she said that she at least wants to see me on the side.

Thats right; she went from shooting me down to BEGGING for either a relationship or sex. I wasn't even nice to her when she called. She said a couple of rude things, and I hung up on her. She called back and begged for more. The situation is totally nuts, but completely true.

The point is to win. Sklansky understands this, why can't you?

Best,
Snowball