I think I'm still 12 years old...

[ElSapo]

I've been playing for about four years now. Variance happens. [censored] happens. Losing happens. It hurts, I know. I know it hurts more to lose than it feels good to win. I know I tilt sometimes, and it costs me. I know many of my weaknesses, but I can't get over them. I know I don't stop when I should, I know my ego screws me, I know that feeling of tension in my wrists when I've tilted too much and the money wont be coming back anytime soon.

I've done all that and posted it here before and asked the inevitable "how do you deal with the swings" and I've heard the answers of "that's variance," and "don't post bad beats," and "take some time off," and "tighten up." I've posted all that and heard all that ...

There are no new questions from me, and I wont get any new answers, so why do I still feel compelled to bang my head on a wall and post "how do you deal with the variance" and make the frustration stop and ask all the same old questions all over again.

This morning I got stuck in a good game, and couldn't get un-stuck, and then all the games turned bad but I couldn't leave despite knowing full and well the games were bad. So I got stuck worse, and it stings — a small amount by any reasonable player's standards, 50 BB in 6-max is nothing, but I still hate it.

Four years, and I still hate the swings. Still have the same questions, still know the same answers, still just want someone to say "it happens."

Twelve years old. Still.