A Few of My Favorite Foes

[Still the Spank E]

“Drunkards and weak passives plopped on their fannies, tourists and maniacs, grandpas and grannies, Matt Damon wannabees up to my nose, these are a few of my favorite foes”

Alright, let’s get the list started: who are your favorite and least favorite people to play against in the cardrooms or online? I’m starting a list and I’m checking it twice (I know damn well who’s naughty and nice)!

Note: “Anyone I make money off of” is too obvious a response to be considered for inclusion in this list, so please don’t!

A partial list of my candidates, in no special order, are as follows:

THE DRUNK: this guy wants to throw chips around. He either doesn’t know that you’re good and he’s bad (as well as inebriated); or, remarkably, he DOES know that you’re better than him, but he is convinced that he’ll get the requisite luck to make his ludicrous decision to sit down at the table with you a smart one, as opposed, say, to a DISASTROUS one;

THE “OLDER PLAYER:” This is not true of ALL “mature” players, but many of our elder players do seem to think that “any suited pair” is a good way of spending one’s retirement money: ditto any Ace and, for some of them, any King. You get to watch their chip stacks fluctuate throughout the course of the session, and while you’re tempted to tell them that this would not happen to them so much if they showed the least bit of decorum the next time J3s paid them a visit, it’s 50/50 whether you’re making more money from them for all the times this hand doesn’t pan out for them, or losing more every time YOU get drawn out on (obviously you’d be making money on them heads-up, but against a group of them it can be a challenge). Interesting note: many of our “senior ambassadors to the game” seem content to play at the betting level they began playing at under the Eisenhower administration, happily oblivious to how big a chunk of their earnings the rake is gouging them for. Gotta love ‘em!

JOE COLLEGE: Now, I went to college. I just prefer to think that I didn’t have SOPHOMORE YEAR GAMBLING BINGE written in blood-red, forehead-high letters across my frontal lobes. (I didn’t play poker in those days, actually.) These guys can be the life of the table, but they can be a pain in the back pocket, too (assuming that’s where you keep your wallet). When a couple of these Faber House-wannabees get to raising each other (and, more importantly, YOU ) out of the pot, the money-making mood can take a decidedly downward swing. Sometimes when you’ve been at the table for enough hours, their buoyant cheer can be more of a trial than anything else.

This is the first in what I hope will be a series of entries on this topic. Please feel free to contribute.

[scotnt73]

the online body builder/ceo of a major corporation who just happens to be playing 2/4 at party and losing badly while telling you how lucky you are and that the money doesnt really mean nothing to him because hes a billionaire. after losing for a while he will become maniacal and raise everything saying hes feeling generous to cover up his inept play. he may even start telling you what he has exactly or stating stuff like just raise me and ill fold. i love the self abusive types....yummy

[PaulBk]

I'll add one of my personal pet peeves.

HOWARD COSELL AKA The MOUTH: this guy has a friend in the game and sits on the cyber-rail feeling compelled to provide both play by play and color commentary on every hand played, even though he has no seat at the table or chips in the pot.

[rkiray]

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seem to think that “any suited pair” is a good way of spending one’s retirement money:

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If you're playing in games that have suited pairs I suggest you find a new card room. BTW, I liked your song take off. But Favorite Things really should be an instrumental (preferably by Coletrain).

[Still the Spank E]

...it's spelled Coltrane--unless there was some pun there that I was missing. More importantly, however, what I should have written was "any two suited or small pair," or words to that effect. I appreciate the correction, however.

While I'm on the subject, here's another one for the list:

THE BERATOR (I'm not near a dictionary--is this spelled right?): This guy is good enough to know the kinds of lousy hands his pocket AA are being drawn out with (K2s, for example), but either can't accept the kind of beats that come with playing 2/4 hold 'em, or doesn't know how to stay away from more such situations (i.e., nobody told you to call--much less reraise--when the third flush card hit the table). His only defense is to berate the "offending" player, making the table an uncomfortable place to be, and running the risk of scaring off the joker who insists on playing this way. I WANT Mr/s. K2s at any table I play at, thank you very much, so please save your "learned opinion" for the bus ride home.

[LetsRock]

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His only defense is to berate the "offending" player, making the table an uncomfortable place to be, and running the risk of scaring off the joker who insists on playing this way.

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On-line (I don't play enough live to see this alot), if guy goes on and on, I'll usually make a comment to the effect of: "We all have our own playing style and his style is working for him. Let him play his game." or "The game wouldn't be much fun if we all played the same now would it."

This usually gets the message across without giving too much about myself away and without "openly" telling him to stop giving lessons at the table (and furthering the education of the clueless).

[Still the Spank E]

You're absolutely right--Mr. Berator is ALSO educating those whose weak play is perfect just the way it is--for my purposes, that is.

[XlgJoe]

My favorite foe would be:

The Blonde Bombshell – usually well endowed, and hopefully with a low cut blouse. Table position is very important with this type player as you want to be right next to them. Left or right doesn’t matter, they are blonde after all.

Definetly a major advantage for live vs online poker

[Gorgonian]

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Definetly a major advantage for live vs online poker

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I think this advantage would be offset by certain downloading capabilitis that come with being online.

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