Dating and rejection

[ShawnHoo]

All right, this is pretty ridiculous.

So I line up this date with a girl from match.com. I thought she looked cute in the pics I saw, although I couldn't tell for sure.

We've been chatting online for a while and did a lot of flirting. She explains to me how she views a first meeting as a "pre-date" and doesn't like to expect anything romantic. She's met one guy before and, while they both agreed that they weren't a good fit to date, they've hung out a bunch since then and "kicked it". She wants the first date to be platonic and then go from there. Ok, fine.

So we meet up last night at a low-key bar to grab a light dinner (we're both coming from work) and drinks. I was very impressed with her in person. She is very ample in the right places and has a killer smile.

We start joking around and busting each others balls right from the start. She's laughing and having a great time. Lots of eye contact. Sweet.

So I'm feeling rather bold and decide to see how she's feeling about the pre-date. She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."

I'm pissed and get very quiet. She can tell that I'm upset.

The bill comes and I pay (I had said before that I'd wanted to do this). She says that she wants to hang out some more and talk and that she'll pay for a couple of rounds, but only if I'm comfortable. I acquiesce and we start talking about relationships, dating, that sort of thing. It's less awkward than right after she said what she said to me, but there's a different dynamic than when the night began.

So we go outside to leave. She gives me a hug and says that the ball's in my court. She says goodbye and I get in my car and drive home half-drunk, upset, and frankly, a little distraught. It was not my finest hour.

Last night shouldn't be a big deal to me, but this "no spark" [censored] has happened to me non-stop over the last few months. And I'm getting the dates in the first place, so I obviously come off pretty well at first. (This has happened for girls I've met in real life at first, too.)

I feel like I'm in a poker game where everyone's folding everytime I get a big hand. It's like I have some "tell" that's obvious to everyone else, but that escapes me completely.

I haven't made a huge effort to date much over the past year, so I'm surprised that this stuff upsets me so much. I'm generally pretty aloof about most things, but the constant rejection is wearing me down.

Thoughts?

(Yes, I'd like to have SIIHP.)