Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles

Army Eye · #1 12-19-2005, 06:23 PM

My god, these posts are so funny. It is astonishing how much time he wastes (seems like several hundred hours, at least) on the silliest, most pointless exercises, and then on top of that, he throws it all away and quits when he doesn't meet some completely arbitrary goal. It's almost tragic, but, anybody who is that stubborn deserves the wasted time.

And that chapter on free food!!! If there is ever a 2+2 forum Hall of Fame, that post has GOT to be in there.

So the guy went on to came up with a 'system' for chess too. Fantastic. I can see it now..

The Foolproof Way to Become a Chess Pro, by mdlm, PHASE ONE:

1. Solve twenty retrograde analysis problems in one calendar month
2. Find three typographical errors or ink smudges in MCO-14
3. Defeat the computer at the lowest difficulty settings in Reversi for Windows
4. Profit!

Dynasty · #2 12-19-2005, 06:30 PM

[ QUOTE ]

The Foolproof Way to Become a Chess Pro, by mdlm, PHASE ONE:

1. Solve twenty retrograde analysis problems in one calendar month
2. Find three typographical errors or ink smudges in MCO-14
3. Defeat the computer at the lowest difficulty settings in Reversi for Windows
4. Profit!

[/ QUOTE ]

Why don't you just read his book, instead?

DesertCat · #3 12-20-2005, 12:01 AM

This is the most amazing post since Dynasty's Three Years in Vegas. What makes both so wonderful, is that they are so honestly real. Or at least I believe this guy was real. His story about eating bags of day old cookies while in germany so he could meet a self imposed $50 a month food budget described his personality so perfectly it can't be fiction. Can it?

I lay even odds this fellow is suffering from a severe compulsive personality disorder right now. He's tying his shoelaces three times before he leaves the house and refuses to step on cracks in sidewalks. If you shake his hand, he rushes to the restroom to wash it, but then can't get out again when he realises he's going to have to touch the door knob. Maybe never playing poker was the smart thing for him...

#4 12-21-2005, 03:55 PM

[ QUOTE ]
This is the most amazing post since Dynasty's Three Years in Vegas.

[/ QUOTE ]

By any chance do you have the link handy?

Dynasty · #5 12-21-2005, 07:49 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
This is the most amazing post since Dynasty's Three Years in Vegas.

[/ QUOTE ]

By any chance do you have the link handy?

[/ QUOTE ]

Three Years in Las Vegas

turnipmonster · #6 12-22-2005, 02:43 AM

are you still a pro poker player?

#7 12-22-2005, 10:48 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
This is the most amazing post since Dynasty's Three Years in Vegas.

[/ QUOTE ]

By any chance do you have the link handy?

[/ QUOTE ]

Three Years in Las Vegas

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks, it's a great story.

Army Eye · #8 12-20-2005, 07:01 AM

[ QUOTE ]

Why don't you just read his book, instead?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think I'll be reading it, but, I did look up its page on Amazon. The foundation of the book seems to be that studying tactics are the way for a weak player to improve. This is pretty much common knowledge, but, hey it's certainly better than his poker regimen.