OT: Unsatisfied with goals acheived

[AleoMagus]

As a new year's goal, I set a profit mark to aim for this year, and as of a few days ago, I hit that mark. I have also expanded my repertoire this year. I played a lot of limit hold'em, Omaha 8, and really improved my multi table tourney game.

I didn't play much compared to many of you. less than 2000 SNGs so far. About 60 multis, maybe 30,000 hands of ring game play.

I should be happy, but I think my own laziness has really held me back this year. I can't help but look back at the past 10 months and feel very unsatisfied.

I need a better plan in the coming year, but I'm not sure what my goals should even be this time around.

I'm not sure why I am even posting this so forgive me. Maybe one of you has felt the same way at some point and has some wisdom for me.

Regards
Brad S

[Stoneii]

set a new goal just outside your comfort zone ?

[AleoMagus]

Hi Stoneii.

Yeah, I suppose more ambitious goals are the obvious answer, but I guess the fact that I didn't set overly ambitious goals this year is part of my problem. I knew this year that I probably should have, but didn't.

From an objective standpoint, I look at online poker right now and say "anyone with a decent game could make a killing if they stay disciplined and put in the hours" but I know the reality of my own situation too well I guess.

I just don't have the motivation to put in the hours, and I think a part of me seriously doesn't even believe that I could make a killing. I don't know why I don't believe it, but I guess I just don't.

Maybe part of it is because a past attempt at playing poker as my sole source of income worked out so badly. I wasn't meeting my expenses every month and in the end my bankroll just got eaten away over a few months. Granted I was way less seasoned back then, and I have come a long way, but still.

Then there is the less tangible aspect of my dissatisfaction... The real goals that I'd like to acheive are not really things that I think a person should be setting as goals.

For example, I'd like to make a final table at a televised poker event. Something like a WSOP preliminarly event would be nice. Seriously.

But this is a silly goal for a number of reasons. I have never even been to vegas let alone played in a big buy-in tourney. Also, how can you set a goal on something so subject to variance when at most, if I sacrificed an uncomfortably big chunk of yearly profit, I could only play one or two anyways.

So I ask myself... Why do I want this? Maybe I can get what I really want some other way? Well, becasue as it is, I think I am a great player and I am proud of what I have acheived, but deep down I'll admit, I'm tired of shooting fish in a barrel and I want some approval. A little recognition that I feel gets doled out far too frequently to sub-par players who win sattelites and don't really play a high level game. I want that recognition and I want to compete against a higher calibre of player.

A while ago, I went home and visited my father for the first time in a long time, and when I was there I downloaded Partypoker to play one night. The next day, he went to the icon and renamed it "Addictive Sickness". I just laughed like I often do, and explained that without poker I wouldn't be surviving, which I think he even understands, but still... It really bugged me.

Sad father doesn't undertand story bla bla bla, I know.

That's not the point. This attitude seems to resonate from many in my life right now, and I undertand why. Because poker for me is so confined to a generally hard to understand and appreciate environment - namely online play.

I mean, I am certainly not impressed when I hear that someone has a x% ROI over y SNGs. I can only imagine how this sort of thing goes over other people's heads, not that I would know, becasue I am smart enough to not even try and explain.

Reading over this, I sound like some kind of insecure teenager, but let me assure you that I only use examples of other people in my life to express a deeper personal feeling of dissatisfaction. In the end, if it was just my dad who thought poker was a waste of time, then big deal, but in some real way, I am starting to think poker as it exists in my life right now is becoming a waste of time.

Well, obviously that is wrong. Poker is clearly not a waste of time for me... But I guess I just want a lot more from it.

Regards
Brad S

[Big Limpin']

A man may fulfill the object of his existence by asking a question he cannot answer, and attempting a task he cannot achieve.

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

[skipperbob]

"Sir, I exist" a man said to the Universe;
"the fact," replied the Universe, "has not created in me a sense of obligation"

[fnord_too]

I wrote my first reply before reading this (your second post in the thread).

Something like making the final table of a WPT event is not a silly goal you should not set if that is what you want to do. Again, just form a good plan of attack. Playing a lot of on line satelites is a good approach. I have that as a goal over the next 5 (well, 4 now) years. I'm slacking though since I quite MTT's mainly for lower variance right now. (Damn 6 month break even period after my second daughter was born has killed my bankroll, but I am only a semi-pro, or whatever the hell you call people with real jobs, too, but for whom it would be painful to lose the poker income.)

Edit - fixed one (of probably many) gramatical error.

[Stoneii]

Brad

At work so don't have time to spend on a suitable reply. Suffice to say, and to thieve and Americanism, I definitely hear ya!!

Will try reply later this evening (UK evening [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img])

stoneii

[nyc999]

[ QUOTE ]
For example, I'd like to make a final table at a televised poker event. Something like a WSOP preliminarly event would be nice. Seriously.

But this is a silly goal for a number of reasons. I have never even been to vegas let alone played in a big buy-in tourney. Also, how can you set a goal on something so subject to variance when at most, if I sacrificed an uncomfortably big chunk of yearly profit, I could only play one or two anyways.


[/ QUOTE ]

Most big tournaments can be reached via SNG qualifiers. I think if your real goal is to make final tables in these tournaments, focus your playing time on these satellites.

Also, I agree with the post which talked about 5 - 10 year goals. It puts everything you are doing in perspective, and it might make it easier to sit down and play every day.

If not, you've already reached your goals for the year - why not take a break for a few weeks and then re-evaluate.

I know it's not really the type of recognition you are looking for. But I would just like to say that I have read with facination some of your posts in the archives, and at least this little fish testing the waters of poker has a lot of respect for you [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[zipppy]

[ QUOTE ]

I just don't have the motivation to put in the hours, and I think a part of me seriously doesn't even believe that I could make a killing. I don't know why I don't believe it, but I guess I just don't.


[/ QUOTE ]

Hi Brad-

This is where I'm at. Completely. I'm either afraid of failure or I'm afraid of success, and it holds me back from making it to the "next level"; perhaps it's the same for you.

I don't think it's foolish to want success at the highest levels. It's true that the big buyin tourneys are too big for most bankrolls. I like Fnord's advice, and perhaps you can set a goal of creating a bankroll over 5 years or so that will allow you to take shots at these bigger tourneys.

In the poker game of life, it's time for your c-bet. Make it a strong one.

-Zip