Do I have issues?

[Indiana]

I've always been very competitive in life. Was on the football and wrestling teams in H.S. and top of my class in undergraduate. I even chose to go to the toughest grad. school in my field just for the challenge and prestige. Now I am entering the poker world, been playin 1.5 years and all I want in life is to be the very best at it. I've won well over 40K since starting and my abilities grow every day. My major problem is fatigue (have started exercising and eating better) and tilt, but not understanding of strategy. I'd venture to say that if I could get my wackjob brain in its optimal form consistently, both B. Greenstein and D. Negreanu would suffer to me on the felt. Long story short, my life has changed significantly since poker entered it. Now I have no aspirations in my current job (I make good $) and my marriage/social life is practically ruined. Scary thing is, I don't even care. I just want to pursue my poker project and become the best. Never really liked being married anyway. Now I am thinking of quitting my job and completely indulging myself in the game to become the best. After playing in the WSOP this year, I realized that I have the tools but would have to completely marry this game to be at a professional level of play.

Do I sound like a guy headed for disaster? Do I sound f-ed up?

Thanks in advance,

Indy

[Dave H.]

I would guess that beachbum's post inspired this post by you, correct?

Indiana, I wish I had your talent. I am a winning player, but nowhere near where you are.

One thing I would ask you to do, though, is this:
Let's assume that you fulfilled your dream...i.e. you made it to the WSOP finals and maybe even won. How would you feel a month later knowing that, in the process, you lost your friends and your wife because all of them knew flat out that your goal, your dream, was more important to you than they were.

There you are, in your room, counting your money...but where is everyone else?

[Indiana]

Yah man, I have thought about this. I guess I would be sort of lonely and then look to replace the things that I had shedded in order to be the best. I guess with 7.5 million dollars I could easily buy that house in Vegas and perhaps even get Evelyn Ng to go out with me...But would that replace the relationship with my wife that I blew. Evy would never really love me like my wife would. I really think that I have trouble with balance. Here's the thing, I don't really play enough poker (only 15 hrs perweek) so I blame this for my inability to sit in the big game. I just think that experience is so important in this game and you have to play lots of tourneys to hit it big where u can comfortably quit your job and play poker. Thing is, I went out with a good hand at the WSOP on day 2 and I know that if I played it a few more times I could make the $, perhaps even get very deep. But how, how will I achieve these goals with this dam 9-5 job, all these bills, and a high maintenance wife like I have? Don't I have to run away from these things to realize my goals?

Indy

[Dave H.]

[ QUOTE ]
But how, how will I achieve these goals with this dam 9-5 job, all these bills, and a high maintenance wife like I have? Don't I have to run away from these things to realize my goals?


[/ QUOTE ]

I think the better question is:
Where would I be if I realized my goals but ran away from all those close to me to get there?

I can't answer your question, but I certainly can answer mine, and I think that's what you have to do, just like countless others who reached their goals only to look back at those people that were destroyed in the process. And, of course, the major destruction occurred in themselves.

Why not level with your lady? If you haven't communicated (and I mean DEEPLY) with her about the importance of this goal, why not do it now? Tell her how it feels and how excited you are. See if you can't reach some kind of compromise. If you can somehow involve her, and if she can be your cheerleader, think of how great that could be.

Don't expect her to completely give in though because she won't. But if you involve her in the decision, you'll be light years ahead of "My Way or the Highway". If she really loves you, and it sounds like she does, she WILL allow you to go for it assuming, of course, that you keep her #1 and that you continue to be a winning player and that you live up to your side of whatever agreement you reach.

[Indiana]

See this is what really pisses me off, how the hell did you guys all end up so dam mentally healthy? The advice here is great, prolly much better than I could give. You guys actually disect problems and try to help unlike the guys on the OOT forum who try to tear ur heart out.

Thanks,

Indy

[Dave H.]

Maybe we've all made stupid mistakes and learned from them.
Hope you do the right thing.

[beachbum]

[ QUOTE ]
I think the better question is:
Where would I be if I realized my goals but ran away from all those close to me to get there?

[/ QUOTE ]

This brings up kind of an interesting point. I know goal setting is a necessary part of life, and is key in acclerating personal growth. Goals work by creating a disconnect between the present state and the future desired state when that goal is accomplished. This disconnect creates a healthy tension which drives your actions and efforts toward making these two pictures match up (i.e. accomplishing the goal).

Anyway, let's say I set goals that are healthy for my life and situation. However, when I'm striving for my goals and don't achieve them, I get frustrated. So the whole process of accomplishing the goal is one of frustration. I see where I want to be, and if I'm not there, even though I'm doing everything I need to be doing to get there, it bothers me.

For example, I have a "B" rating in beach volleyball. The next higher rating is an "A", so naturally that's my next goal. However, if I don't see myself improving or get my butt kicked everytime I enter an "A" tournament, I get frustrated and pissy. So until I accomplish this goal, I'm very restless (and not really in a healthy way that stimulates personal growth).

Any thoughts on how to handle this and treat goals as a healthy part of my life?

[RiverDood]

[ QUOTE ]
let's say I set goals that are healthy for my life and situation. However, when I'm striving for my goals and don't achieve them, I get frustrated. . . . Any thoughts on how to handle this and treat goals as a healthy part of my life?

[/ QUOTE ]

On goals, it's a good year for me if I hit 2/3 of my goals. The idea is to make the goals ambitious enough that a few of them will be out of reach, but at least you'll make decent progress. If you're hitting all of them, the goals are too easy. If you're missing most of them, they're too hard.

Think of it like pots won at showdown.

Going back to Indiana's original post, I'd be extra careful if TILT is already a problem. The best long-term cure for tilt is having a balanced life where some guy hitting a runner-runner flush for a big pot is not going to ruin your whole day/month/life. . . . Get the rest of your life stable, and you'll be able to play through such situations just fine. Get your whole identity wrapped up in poker, and one bad hand can cause you to obliterate your bankroll in an angry series of outbursts.

Given Indiana's candid self-assessment at the beginning, I'd recommend looking for a job where competition is intense and excellence is immediately and clearly rewarded. High-end sales would come to mind. Medical equipment. Investments. Commercial real estate. You can make $100k and even $500k/year in those lines if you're doing well. You'll aim for President's Club, the free trip to Hawaii (or Vegas!) etc. It will give you a lot of what you're looking for from poker, and a much better shot at a big income without the risk of ruin. It may even make your wife smile!

Then you can peel off $10k every year and play the WSOP main event. If you cash big some year, that's a thrill. If you bust out on Day 1 because some donk hits a 3-outer on the river, you're strong enough to regroup, go make some more money, and see if next year works out better.

[blaze666]

wait a minute, if you are saying that you would place a win at the WSOP or even a final table over a good relationship with close freinds, then you might not have thought about it properly.


he is a very lucky person as well for haveing so many opportunities, just like me.

[Myst]

[ QUOTE ]
I've always been very competitive in life. Was on the football and wrestling teams in H.S. and top of my class in undergraduate. I even chose to go to the toughest grad. school in my field just for the challenge and prestige. Now I am entering the poker world, been playin 1.5 years and all I want in life is to be the very best at it. I've won well over 40K since starting and my abilities grow every day. My major problem is fatigue (have started exercising and eating better) and tilt, but not understanding of strategy. I'd venture to say that if I could get my wackjob brain in its optimal form consistently, both B. Greenstein and D. Negreanu would suffer to me on the felt. Long story short, my life has changed significantly since poker entered it. Now I have no aspirations in my current job (I make good $) and my marriage/social life is practically ruined. Scary thing is, I don't even care. I just want to pursue my poker project and become the best. Never really liked being married anyway. Now I am thinking of quitting my job and completely indulging myself in the game to become the best. After playing in the WSOP this year, I realized that I have the tools but would have to completely marry this game to be at a professional level of play.

Do I sound like a guy headed for disaster? Do I sound f-ed up?

Thanks in advance,

Indy

[/ QUOTE ]

The fact that you are at least questioning the type you lifestyle you are current leading is a good start. Prioritize. Evaluate what is truly important to you, what you truly value, and go from there. What is poker to you? Is poker the be-all end-all?