What constitutes stalking these days?

[Burdzthewurd]

Not sure if I've just got involved with really stupid women (likely) or the stalker insult for a girl is the same as a guy calling another guy a [censored] (nothing to back it, just the meanest thing you can say). I'll throw out some situations where it came out, and my def. of a stalker:

8th grade -

This hot girl in my grade has a little brother (2 years younger) that's on my city basketball team. Her brother and I are the only decent players on the team (I average 10 a game, and that should tell you something), and we also get along pretty well. Out of the blue his hot sister IMs me one night saying I had a great game, I thank her, and we get to talking about music, class politics (she's the token white girl in a clique consisting of Puerto Rican guys and girls, but is very popular, not a follower or anything), and other stuff. We actually share the exact same birthday (7/11/84), not notable but an interesting factoid. She gives me her phone # a month into talking on AIM, I call her and we have some pretty decent convos, she pours her heart out to me about her douchebag BF (That's the beginning of a long horrid role I endure as "that guy"), she thinks I'm quite funny, etc. We both have very different schedules so I don't see her around in school too much (800 kids or so), so only get to talk to her in person when we're waiting for the buses basically, and it's a little nerve-racking as it was since at the time I was in that skater-JNCO sort of crowd (They were the only jeans I could wear that weren't skin-tight, we all were slaves to brand-names anyway then!) and she was in the far different group. Fast forward to July, I call her and wish her a happy b-day, and send her an e-card (an actual card might be a bit sketch), she invites me to go with her to a Dru Hill concert and has an extra ticket for me in 2 weeks, I easily accept. The next night I give her an IM and she suddenly says "[censored] OFF OR I'LL CALL THE COPS [censored]" then blocks me. Uh ok. Fast forward to Sept., turns out her a-hole bf that's 3 years older than her is in my Freshman health class (he's failed it a few times), and he gets in my face saying he's going to whip my ass if I ever talk to his girl again. He proceeds to scream that I'm a stalker everytime he sees me in the hall for the next month or so, then it cools down. I don't even bother talking to this girl during this entire time (she never removed me from block after that one time on AIM), I figured it'd just get a lot worse, let her have her psycho bf.

2nd example:

August of last year, random girl from new dorm I'm moving into leaves a comment in my LJ, turns out she's living down the hall from me, we talk off and on for a week, she's in a higher level of German than me but needs help (I took 6 years in middle+high school but decided to start over in college for the easy A's and improve my grammar), I talk to a few of her friends and one of them asks if I want to go to a Pearl Jam concert with them (but I never get the message in time before tickets sell out, sol.). Move-in day, I go over to her room to introduce myself, she isn't there, her roomy says come back later. I shoot her an IM the next day, ask if she wants to chill, she's like "uhh ok, come by an hour later". I do, I knock no one answers. Sketch. A few days later, my roommate (a minor celeb on campus) bumps into her, she recognizes him, and he knows her from talking to me, he asks her if she's seen me lately and she says "no, he's a weird stalker, though". Wtf!

Ultimately, I think both of these girls are lame and undeserving of any effort to regret, but I'd like some other thoughts from guys, and very much so from any women that read this. Here are some of my thoughts on things that count for stalking, and just fooling around:

Stalking:

- going to their house/sending mail to them when they never told you where they lived
- calling a girl you've never talked to or talked little to without getting her # from her
- following her at her workplace/classes
- having pics of them saved on your comp. without knowing them
- reading and commenting in their LJs despite having no relations or connections to someone whatsoever beforehand

I think Facebook is a gray area, since people know it's for stalking, and they are putting their info out in the open willingly.

Overall, the people who have accused me of this I could give less of a crap about, but the false accusations with little to no justification IMO bother me.

[slickpoppa]

Girls just call guys stalkers to flatter themselves.

[surfinillini]

Merriam Webster is my friend:

stalk2 Audio pronunciation of "stalking" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (stôk)
v. stalked, stalk·ing, stalks

v. tr.

1. To pursue by tracking stealthily.
2. To follow or observe (a person) persistently, especially out of obsession or derangement.
3. To go through (an area) in pursuit of prey or quarry.

Function: noun
: the act or crime of willfully and repeatedly following or harassing another person in circumstances that would cause a reasonable person to fear injury or death esp. because of express or implied threats; broadly : a crime of engaging in a course of conduct directed at a person that serves no legitimate purpose and seriously alarms, annoys, or intimidates that person
NOTE: Stalking is often considered to be aggravated when the conduct involved also violates a restraining order protecting the victim.

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[runner4life7]

ok these two girls seem psycho to me. But i pretty much agree with everything you said in this post. I also agree facebook is gray because I randomly add girls as friends that are hot but I would never like show up at their apartment or call them without talking to them through facebook or somethign first.

[surfinillini]

urban dictionary is another pal, this is some funny [censored]...

4. stalker :


OMGWTFBBW!! This [censored] creepy guy won't leave me alone!! He keeps sending me flowers, and asking me out on dates! He called me, and left a suicidal message on my answering machine! WTF! He has a wall covered with my pictures! HELP!!!
Someone please help me! HE HAS ME LOCKED IN HIS BASEMENT AND I AM POSTING THIS WITH MY CELL PHONE'S WIRELESS WEB SERVICE!!!**#!#@!@

To not get the accusasions, only fire 2 shots (good shots) at them, and then give up unless they pursue you genuinely afterwards.

[surfinillini]

you know bird, upon further review you are not quite stalking but you definitely appear mucho-desperate.

try the less is more approach, say hi every now and then, make it sound like you're having the goodestest times ever on campus and that she's missing out, act like you're the [censored] and she wants to smell you. Look disinterested in everything she says...

why try so hard, plenty of broads out there.

this also made me laugh

[ QUOTE ]
time I was in that skater-JNCO sort of crowd (They were the only jeans I could wear that weren't skin-tight)

[/ QUOTE ]

[MyTurn2Raise]

Be desireless
Be excellent
Be gone

[man]

[ QUOTE ]
Girls just call guys stalkers to flatter themselves.

[/ QUOTE ]
this sums it up pretty well. if a girl actually had a stalker I don't think they'd call them a stalker, because the term's too watered down. so essentially if a girl is calling you a stalker you're in the clear, she's just playing hard-to-get.

on a separate note, twice last week I ran into a girl I had dated and gotten rejected by, and both times I later checked her away message and it said she'd be where I ran into her. so I clearly appear to be stalking her. meh!

[Burdzthewurd]

I did have a slight interest in the first one, but at no time did I come on to either of them, or really have the desire to, if that clears anything up. I dunno, I suck at casual encounters.