My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!

[esspo]

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showth...e=0#Post3955985

Enough said....

[popesc]

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...Currently I play 15-20 hrs/week. So she says...

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"


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If she wants 12 more hours of your time a week, she should have to spend at least 6 of those on her knees.

[SNOWBALL138]

Ask her if she won't mind paying for dinner and movies when you quit playing.

Why does she want you to quit? Does it effect your relationship or is she just being judgmental? If poker is negatively effecting your relationship with her (putting you in a bad mood, messing with your sleep, etc.) then you should probably quit regardless of what she thinks.

[Sykes]

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I can't believe what I am reading here.

Do ANY of you EVER get laid? Or do you just sit drinking brews with your mates complaining about what bitches women are?

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I would rather not get laid then have some stupid bitch tell me what I should do with my time.

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She is NOT a controlling bitch.


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Yes, she is. But it's okay, 99% of women are.
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She is NOT making a power play.


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Yes, she is. To not think so is foolish.
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She is NOT concerned with his poker playing.


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Maybe, Maybe not.
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In almost every case I have ever encountered like this, the situation is that she is feeling neglected by her boyfriend and is taking it out on the one thing that he loves most.


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And this is what makes her a bitch.

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What this means is that he is probably not spending quality time with her. They may spend time together, but he is probably not doing special things for her, probably not making her feel like she is important to him, and probably not doing what he needs to do to keep his woman happy.


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Then it seems this relationship is doomed.
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Lets face it - none of us is perfect and we all have our ego and our pride. It is EXTREMELY difficult for a woman to come out and say "I don't feel like you treat me like I am special" - that is very hard to do.

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And we're supposed to have some special ESP sensor that says "women need more loving". By the way, no one is special.

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What you NEED to do is to sit down with her and talk about what is really going on for her. Is it really about the poker or is it about the time you guys spend together? Maybe try and sugges that you guys establish some ground rules - you will still play the same number of hours, but you will do them at specific times when she is not around - and then when she is around, you will not play poker at all - things like that.


[/ QUOTE ]

Way to give over the reins of power. Seriously, were your nuts chopped off the first time you got laid? Women should be bowing down to us.

[Alexthegreat]

hahaha

this thread has turned into an argument about whether or not she is controlling....AND IT'S BEING ARGUED BY POSTERS WHO ARE COMPLETE STRANGERS TO THE COUPLE!!!



you guys will argue about anything huh?

[evil_twin]

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Don't do it man. You have to stop this now. This has nothing to do with poker - once you start letting her tell you what you can and can't do, it's all over.

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This is so important. Once someone you love asks you to stop doing something you really enjoy and you comply, it's all over. Be in no doubt.

[coffeecrazy1]

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You don't know the history. You just have your own experience which, by what I can see, has made you extremely bitter towards women.

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You don't know the history either. And, no I'm not at all bitter towards women. I just understand how they work.


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Well I can speak as a married man

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So can I.


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You said at the end of your post "NEVER acknowlege that her demand for you to stop playing poker had anything to do with your change in behavior" This statement alone tells me that you have no idea what you are talking about.

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Ohhhh....so knowledgable. So sensitive.

The reason you change your behavior, but refuse to acknowledge that her demand caused the change is because her demand had nothing to do with the real issue. Why would you ever reward someone for trying to hold your enjoyable hobbies hostage? If the issue is truly that you are neglecting your girlfriend, then FIX IT. The poker playing is a red herring so there's no reason to bring it to the bargaining table.

Relationships are about learned behavior. All men and women are, to an extent, trained by their partners to learn behavior patterns. If you want your wife or girlfriend to learn that the best way to get what she wants is to hold hostage the things that are important to you, then just go ahead and do the sensitive enlightened male routine each time she makes a demand.

What you seem to miss here, in your rush to show us primitives here how much more sensitive and caring you are, is that I'm not arguing for brute force ALL OF THE TIME.

There are times to communicate and empathize. In my opinion, this isn't one of them.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with Hobbes. It is one thing to be insensitive to how the woman is feeling. Nobody should blow someone off like that.

HOWEVER, neither men nor women should change a behavior or hobby of theirs at the request of their significant other, UNLESS it is something they want to change themselves. If the OP truly feels as though he plays poker too much, then perhaps this is an easy thing to give up.

But, my reading of the OP was that he looks at poker like it's his job, and he does not want to change that. If he said to himself, prior to her bringing it up, "Hey, you know...I think I want to play poker a little less and start hanging with my girlfriend more," I don't think anyone would begrudge him that, because that's HIS choice about what matters most to him.

But, her saying what she wants him to change and him changing it is not about love or "the relationship" or anything else...it's about POWER.

Where is Dr. Al when we need him?

[vexvelour]

Wow I'm really starting to get the idea that pretty much everyone except Hobbes, Snowball and Hank are the only straight men that post on here. Everyone else must REALLY like their right (or left?) hand.

I think it's gotten blown out of proportion. No, it's not OK for her to tell you, a grown man, what to do. However, if you agree with her, then you probably should change. Thats all there is to it. If you feel change isn't necessary, then tell her it's not going to happen but if she'd like more time with you, you can fit it in accordingly. Maybe play less.

If she flips out like a crazy person when you tell her you aren't going to cut down to 3 hours but will make a compromise, turn and run as far as your legs will take you immediately.

[MikeSmith]

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Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day

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Dont lose your gf over this game go sell [censored] on ebay or something. I had a similar situation but then i started teaching my gf poker and she loves it. She will sit at the play money tables and bitch about her A2 not winning gosh she is great.

If this doesnt work then try to reason 10 hours a week, if she isnt willing to budge either you really neglect her or she is overbearing. You know the answer to this, but dont lose her over this otherwise you will be a just some lonely guy sitting at a computer...doesnt sound like +ev to me.

[ QUOTE ]
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You don't know the history. You just have your own experience which, by what I can see, has made you extremely bitter towards women.

[/ QUOTE ]

You don't know the history either. And, no I'm not at all bitter towards women. I just understand how they work.


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Well I can speak as a married man

[/ QUOTE ]

So can I.


[ QUOTE ]
You said at the end of your post "NEVER acknowlege that her demand for you to stop playing poker had anything to do with your change in behavior" This statement alone tells me that you have no idea what you are talking about.

[/ QUOTE ]


Ohhhh....so knowledgable. So sensitive.

The reason you change your behavior, but refuse to acknowledge that her demand caused the change is because her demand had nothing to do with the real issue. Why would you ever reward someone for trying to hold your enjoyable hobbies hostage? If the issue is truly that you are neglecting your girlfriend, then FIX IT. The poker playing is a red herring so there's no reason to bring it to the bargaining table.

Relationships are about learned behavior. All men and women are, to an extent, trained by their partners to learn behavior patterns. If you want your wife or girlfriend to learn that the best way to get what she wants is to hold hostage the things that are important to you, then just go ahead and do the sensitive enlightened male routine each time she makes a demand.

What you seem to miss here, in your rush to show us primitives here how much more sensitive and caring you are, is that I'm not arguing for brute force ALL OF THE TIME.

There are times to communicate and empathize. In my opinion, this isn't one of them.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with Hobbes. It is one thing to be insensitive to how the woman is feeling. Nobody should blow someone off like that.

HOWEVER, neither men nor women should change a behavior or hobby of theirs at the request of their significant other, UNLESS it is something they want to change themselves. If the OP truly feels as though he plays poker too much, then perhaps this is an easy thing to give up.

But, my reading of the OP was that he looks at poker like it's his job, and he does not want to change that. If he said to himself, prior to her bringing it up, "Hey, you know...I think I want to play poker a little less and start hanging with my girlfriend more," I don't think anyone would begrudge him that, because that's HIS choice about what matters most to him.

But, her saying what she wants him to change and him changing it is not about love or "the relationship" or anything else...it's about POWER.

Where is Dr. Al when we need him?

[/ QUOTE ]

If you read my posts, you will see that I have NEVER advocated him giving up even ONE MINUTE of poker.

Here is the thing - if, after he has attempted to be understanding and attempting to work things out in an open and communicative way, she replies with "well, that's all well and good, but I still want you to only play 3 hours of poker a week", THEN and ONLY THEN, would I say that she is being controlling and should be sent packing.

See, my problem is that so many guys just assume that it is how it is and go from there - all I have been saying is that the FIRST step should be to attempt to understand where she is coming from - the FIRST step should be to be understanding and to try and address the underlying issues.

If that attempt doesn't work, then at least you know that you TRIED to work things out.

And Hobbes - I hope you don't think I am some pushover pussy or something. I'm not. I just believe that there is usually more to what people are feeling than what they are saying - and for a relationship to work, the first step has to be to accept that you probably don't really know what is going on inside your partner's head until you really try and work it out with them.

I think that you and I probably would agree on more things than is apparent.

Maybe this is the sort of discussion that should be more appropriately be had over a couple of shots of Jack.

Respect.

E