Fearful

arkady · #1 08-09-2005, 09:36 PM

My first post on the psych. forum - something must have happened to me. I had my first losing month in July and it was a substantial drop. Let's say before RB in terms of thousands, it was almost as big as my best month. I play 10/20 6max. I figured first losing month in 1.5 years is possible and I just decided to cut down on tables and play my best this month.

Well I been doing real well, playing a mix of 10/20 and 15/30 6max, even had a friend look over HHs and seriously tried to improve my game. But there has a been fundamental change that happened. I must stress that I am doing well this month, in fact abnormaly well and realize that this will inevitably end. This knowledge and something else is actually scaring me from playing. If I am up a lot, I stop - I don't want to "give it back". I am very close to recovering all my losses from last month and am now reluctant to play. I don't want to "give it back". Ironically last month when I was losing and losing - I played and played. Now that I am running insanely hot, granted only 4k hands, I can't even convince myself to play. Or if I do sit down and win a bit, I am checking the BR and making excuses to stop. I reflect on the few times I had hot runs and ended up losing most of it and feeling miserable. I don't want to do it again...but what sense does this make?

I remember back in my poker infancy back in 3/6 days, if I was winning I wouldnt stop. I would only stop due to physical constraints, now I am stopping due to some unusual fear I cannot control.

It's perverted and I know it, I was dealing with signs of this a few months ago, but it has now been exacerbated after the mega loss. If only I could shake this fear I would enjoy winning again.

bodie · #2 08-09-2005, 10:05 PM

You're dealing with the reality of poker. There will be ups and downs, even when you're a good player and playing as carefully as you can. Perhaps the anxiety of it is overwhelming you right now. Maybe you should save some money for a while, take a small break from poker and when you have a comfortable amount that you're willing to gamble with (and by that time you'll either be dying to play again or realizing that you don't want to) and then start over with the new cushion of designated money.

arkady · #3 08-09-2005, 10:53 PM

Huh? I am quite familiar with the reality of poker and I certainly don't need a break. I have been supporting myself on it for a long time now....

I appreciate your honesty and your help, but did you read my post?

SNOWBALL138 · #4 08-09-2005, 11:26 PM

This is totally irrational but totally normal. A lot of people string together winning sessions to re-build their confidence. This is your first one month downswing, so you shouldn't be surprised that your brain doesn't know how to respond to this type of situation.

It sounds like the prolonged one month loss caused you a good amount of psychic pain. I think you are just trying to protect yourself from that happening again by quitting when you are ahead.

Obviously, playing this way is so far from optimal that it will substantially reduce your income. However, unless this goes on for more than a few weeks, I wouldn't start to worry too much.

arkady · #5 08-09-2005, 11:57 PM

thanks snowball, that is what i wanted to hear. ill check back in a few weeks if i am still running away from my winning sessions. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Joe826 · #6 08-10-2005, 12:04 AM

weird, i'm sort of opposite of this. if i take a break, the only way i can get going again is if i go on a losing streak of some variety. otherwise i'll just post a small win and quit, but once i lose some money i all of the sudden get motivated, play a hell of alot, and tend to continue even after i've made it all up.

bodie · #7 08-10-2005, 12:47 AM

Maybe you've been playing long enough now that the thought of "giving it all back" over and over again seems more real than when you first started. And you mentioned that you're close now to making back your losses from last month, so that seems like it would be a little tense, not wanting to slip backwards again when you're doing good now.
That's why I thought building up your bankroll from something besides poker might give you peace of mind and take away some of the worry about giving it back.

wackjob · #8 08-10-2005, 02:03 AM

Hawaii is beautiful this time of year..

Seriously, load up your laptop, book a week in a hotel on the beach in Hawaii(or whatever your fancy is). Get up and enjoy the area and play 3-4 hours of poker a day. I found, though the circumstance was slightly different, that getting out of my office and playing somewhere relaxing and refreshing helped me to be able to focus and play really well and also take frequent breaks and enjoy where I was at(Naples, FLA for me).

I know from your many posts in HUSH you are a solid player. Not playing is costing you money, obviously, and I really think a change of venue can help a lot and get you back on track.