Just a story

[MediaPA]

I started playing poker about a year and a half ago in casinos and online. I did OK in the casinos sitting 2/4 or 3/6 my first few times and got 'undeserved' confidence in myself. I had fun, so I decided to venture into the world of online poker. I was completely uninformed of the world I was entering. I played 2/4 and got crushed. Well, I quickly burned through all my casino winnings, but for some reason I was determined to prove that I could play/make money.

The tilt monkey reared his head in many forms for an inexperienced player/gambler. I'd play much higher stakes (essentially the buy-in was my entire bankroll) trying to make a score to get back to even. Or just burn through chips using pointless aggression. These to factors found me in the hole 20x further than where I ever expected to be when I started out.

Then I got very lucky for a month. I still was playing well above my bankroll for games. I managed to get back to even after getting lucky heads up on a stone cold bluff. I vowed to never play online again at that point.

Well, that lasted a little while, but I let myself continue to play with the bit of money that I was up. I quickly found myself playing for my entire bankroll again (after granting myself a 'poker bankroll'). I caught an 80/20 edge and won a massive pot. I continued playing and eventually got up about the same amount that I was down at one point. This was definitely not through solid play/bankroll management. I took some time off again.

I came back a few times and played responsibly for a little while. However, the temptation of bigger money games was always there. Eventually after a few 'bad beats,' the tilt monkey reared his head, and I found myself playing much larger than I told myself that I would. A few hands later, I found myself losing a couple of big pots causing me to take a break again.

Being still up 30% the amount that I was once down, I have 'the fear of God' in me about going back near the negative side of things. I came back this last month and played mainly 2/4 with a little 3/6 or 100NL mixed in. I'd withdraw after I made a 30% profit on my deposit or take a break when down or even. I started to work on learning a new game, which helped limit my play time.

In the back of my mind, there's still the where I have been (both plus and minus). I'm confident that I can get back to the high point if I'm more disciplined but could easily find myself at the zero point (hopefully not negative) if I slip up.

At the same time, part of me just says: 'poker was fun. you made money (which is rare for any hobby/game). accept your good fortune (being up) and shortcomings (dropping about 2/3 of my high point). you learned alot about yourself. try to find something new to occupy yourself.'

Sorry, sometimes it just helps me to write things out to be honest with myself. I lost alot of money by being a gambler, I won even more money by being a gambler, but I lost a fair chunk of that back by continuing to be a gambler. Could I ever be a disciplined poker player? In the short term, maybe. Long term, highly doubtful.

[bryan4967]

You should write a book, man. Because that's just...I mean...That's just great.

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Could I ever be a disciplined poker player?

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It looks doubtful. Playing solid, disciplined poker is about as exciting as doing someone’s taxes. It’s all about the long haul. If you're not able to deal with the monotony of grinding it out, then I would suggest looking for a game with a little less variance and a little more short-term gratification.

Online poker is basically just an over-rated desk job that substitutes contempt for the boss with unimaginable frustration and self-loathing.

[JimGil]

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Online poker is basically just an over-rated desk job that substitutes contempt for the boss with unimaginable frustration and self-loathing.

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word

[TTChamp]

I would stay away from poker if I were you.

You sound to me like you are some one who could end up with a serious gambling problem.

Honestly ask yourself if you enjoy the strategy of the game or the action. My guess is that you are drawn to the game by the action not the strategy.

The fact that you are looking for action combined with you lack of discipline at playing at resonable limits is scary. Be careful.

[Roland19]

You can be a disciplined poker player. I think you will have to exercise more control and self discipline than you are used to, but you can do it. In fact, you can do anything if you just put your mind to it!