Road Rage

[InchoateHand]

So, I used to be an obnoxious, aggressive driver. Then I realized the error of my ways and put up with cursing and bashing the steering wheel. (With a brief interlude of vigilante driving, as Nothumb, if he still skulks around here, can attest).

So, its a normal wednesday night, the bars close (as they do, obscenely early here) and I head to a diner with my compatriot. We eat. I go to drive him home.

We get to a light at a major, albeit deserted, intersection. A new (2003++) SUV pulls up alongside us, waits for a moment, screams into reverse for about fifty feet and then pulls up behind us in the left hand turn lane.

The light changes, and in the 1/4 of a second before I could accelerate the SUV honks twice.

I peel out of the intersection, rather irate.
The SUV trys to blow by me, in the right lane of the road we turned on to. (Full disclosure, its rather late, the bars just closed, etc. I'm fine to drive, but not quite fine to be pulled over).

Suddenly, as they pull even with us, we realize the car is full of young, probably college, (presumably drunk) girls.

So I keep pace with them, just shy of double the speed limit, through a couple of lights.

My friend, ten years my senior and infinitely moreso maturity-wise, holds his finger on the window button, preventing me from answering the calls they are screaming through their partially open windows. Finally I lower the rear window, just as the turn towards his house approaches.

Before I can shout irate, assholish things, the fugly Kelly Osbourne look-alike in the backseat rolls down her window 3/4 of the way, and lifts her shirt, balancing her oversized tits on the window. (Huge [censored] areola).

As we begin to laugh her backseat fellow-passenger presses her far more attractive body into view and does the same.

Suddenly, the quite foxy blonde driving turns, faces us, steering with her right hand lifts her shirt with her left and slams her chest against the driver side window.

Ahhh, road rage.

[PoBoy321]

The correct move is: after they reverse and pull up behind you, put it in reverse and back up until your bumpers are touching. Just sit there so that they can't move and tell those fat dumb bitches to go [censored] themselves.

BTW, I hope you got a cheeseburger deluxe at the diner.

[InchoateHand]

I didn't know they were fat bitches at the point the pulled up behind me, but if I had, I definitely would have taken their insurace money to fix my middle-aged Altima.

And I had a bacon cheeseburger (deluxe--fries, coleslaw) at the diner, no pickles, but mayo on the side.

[kipin]

[ QUOTE ]
So, I used to be an obnoxious, aggressive driver. Then I realized the error of my ways and put up with cursing and bashing the steering wheel. (With a brief interlude of vigilante driving, as Nothumb, if he still skulks around here, can attest).

So, its a normal wednesday night, the bars close (as they do, obscenely early here) and I head to a diner with my compatriot. We eat. I go to drive him home.

We get to a light at a major, albeit deserted, intersection. A new (2003++) SUV pulls up alongside us, waits for a moment, screams into reverse for about fifty feet and then pulls up behind us in the left hand turn lane.

The light changes, and in the 1/4 of a second before I could accelerate the SUV honks twice.

I peel out of the intersection, rather irate.
The SUV trys to blow by me, in the right lane of the road we turned on to. (Full disclosure, its rather late, the bars just closed, etc. I'm fine to drive, but not quite fine to be pulled over).

Suddenly, as they pull even with us, we realize the car is full of young, probably college, (presumably drunk) girls.

So I keep pace with them, just shy of double the speed limit, through a couple of lights.

My friend, ten years my senior and infinitely moreso maturity-wise, holds his finger on the window button, preventing me from answering the calls they are screaming through their partially open windows. Finally I lower the rear window, just as the turn towards his house approaches.

Before I can shout irate, assholish things, the fugly Kelly Osbourne look-alike in the backseat rolls down her window 3/4 of the way, and lifts her shirt, balancing her oversized tits on the window. (Huge [censored] areola).

As we begin to laugh her backseat fellow-passenger presses her far more attractive body into view and does the same.

Suddenly, the quite foxy blonde driving turns, faces us, steering with her right hand lifts her shirt with her left and slams her chest against the driver side window.

Ahhh, road rage.

And then I woke up.

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

[InchoateHand]

Dead [censored] serious. And then I got home, came and kissed the old lady goodnight (despite the fact that she has been asleep for many, many hours), opened up my computer, started playing poker, drank a beer, and shared the love with the wider poker community.

Come on man, its not everyday that ugly girls flash you. And its certainly not what I dream of.

[PoBoy321]

Watch out for the coleslaw. I hear tha the sketchy greek guys put their penises in it.

FWIW, it's delicious anyway.

[kipin]

[ QUOTE ]
Dead [censored] serious. And then I got home, came and kissed the old lady goodnight (despite the fact that she has been asleep for many, many hours), opened up my computer, started playing poker, drank a beer, and shared the love with the wider poker community.

Come on man, its not everyday that ugly girls flash you. And its certainly not what I dream of.

[/ QUOTE ]

I thought only one of them was fugly?

I'd take 2/3 anyday and be happy with that.

[InchoateHand]

Well, one was fugly, one was foxy, and one was barely visible except her creamy white breasts.

And I got the old lady, so my eyes were closed. Promise.

[kipin]

This sounds like a skit from Curb Your Enthusiasm.