A potentially bad blind date setup - Page 4

Blarg · #31 11-21-2005, 07:58 PM

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Is it really important to you to keep your relationship with your friend's fiance smooth as glass? How much will saying, "No, I'd rather not do any blind dates right now," really affect that relationship?

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At this point I'm trying to do less lying to people I care about in my life. (This is a relatively recent development for me.) I am in fact interested in blind dates right now. I do care about my relationship with my friend's fiance, and it's a nice gesture of her to set me up on a date, so I'm leaning towards just doing it.

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If you're interested in blind dates, you're basically signing up for this exact same thing anyway, so you might as well get used to it. You've lost the deniability of not going for that kind of thing.

There's an off chance that your buddy could quash the deal by saying to his fiance that you're not her type, and her giving up on it.

I'm not a fan of blind dates and think they're usually a way for people to pass off their uglier friends and enjoy a little drama and busybodying doing it. And women are totally dishonest on how a woman looks, especially if they're friends with her, and will say a 3 is a 7 or 8, no problem. But if you're going for them, you have to put up with this kind of thing and might as well suck it up.

There's always the alternative of being honest and saying you saw her picture and weren't interested, but that sounds like it takes more nads than you're willing to exhibit. I think going through the motions on a date you don't want to be on would be worse, but it sounds like you don't.

nolanfan34 · #32 11-21-2005, 08:07 PM

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Just suck it up, go on the date, pretend it's w/ a buddy to just hang out. Maybe she has hot friends.

The person who screwed up here was your buddy. In this situation, it is his responsibility to make sure you don't get stuck w/ a bad-looking chick.

Especially as you get older and more of your friends are married or in serious relationships, their SOs will try to set you up. Good buddies step up and say "yeah, I don't think they would get along" or something.

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I agree with all of this. And as The Daver said as well, don't discount the fact this chick will know other chicks as well.

I also agree that some of this is on your buddy. Once he's married, he'll probably be quicker to stand up for you if he knows it's a situation you want to avoid.

But I would just go, and approach it like meeting a new potential friend. And be honest with the fiancee afterward - don't tap dance around the reason you weren't interested in this girl. For some reason people involved with setting other people up always have these delusional fantasies that the two people are going to go off and get married, and it will all be because of them, etc, etc. (mrs. nolanfan will probably read this statement and disagree)

If anything, this fact should give you MORE leverage to be honest about not being attracted to someone. I don't think that's shallow at all - the simple fact is that you're just not going to have a relationship with someone long term that you're not physically attracted to. That's just one piece of a relationship, and why should you be penalized by some [censored] that says you're shallow because you care about looks?

Anyway, good luck.

The Yugoslavian · #33 11-21-2005, 08:10 PM

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"There is no situation so bad that ingesting massive amounts of alcohol can't make it worse"...Go on the Blind Date...Get faced!...Double-Pump her Doggy-style..Do the 4th "Get"....Lie about the whole episode afterward [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

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More Skipperbob in OOT!!!

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Yugoslav

Blarg · #34 11-21-2005, 08:25 PM

True, and what Diablo said is true too.

Interestingly, though, it's just as true before the date as after. Having to go on a date he has no interest in going on reveals no new truths or possibilities. If a girl's unattractiveness is an adequate reason for not dating her further, it's the same reason for not dating her in the first place.

Do you prove you're any less shallow by saying what needs to be said after instead of before? That sounds a bit like consoling yourself. It doesn't sound all that true to me.

My guess is the answer for why you don't want to date her further after the date might well be some vague stuff you make up anyway, not straight out honesty. I wouldn't be surprised if many guys would purposely create a conflict just so they wouldn't have to date her further or would have a good excuse if it needs to be explained, which might well be quite demeaning and unpleasant to both of you. I think people could easily do this more or less unconsciously too, by the way, not as part of some evil plan. For someone who wants to duck out of the consequences of being honest, the possibility of the date going wrong is greatly heightened.

The problem here is not being comfortable being honest. And not feeling like you have the right to have your own standards of attractiveness because it might bug a third or a fourth party outside the date. I could see this date going forward on a dishonest premise(there's a chance) and concluding on a lie(she, oh, likes different kinds of potato chips than I do or the wrong kind of movies or who cares what). Dating injects zero honesty into the equation and may just multiply dishonesty quite a bit. And all during the process, you could wind up saving no feelings at all and being completely weasely and untrue to yourself at every step of the way.

I really don't see how going out on a date with a girl you have no interest in is doing her that big of a favor, and I don't see how it could lead to less bad feelings after you reject her than by just calling the whole thing off up front. I don't think it has any more integrity or nice guyness about it than just saying you're not interested right up front. Honesty up front is not a bad thing just by itself, and practically speaking, it could save a lot of people's feelings getting messed around by this whole project.

I also think this smacks a little of a kind of chicken ish postponing taking your medicine. You're in a jam and you want to put off the consequences. Putting off telling the buddy's fiance NO up front means "tomorrow guy" has to handle things instead. But tomorrow always comes. Better to swallow your medicine up front. And to be honest. I'm not convinced that all these machinations will really for anyone's good at all, or are any more honorable than simple honesty.

#35 11-21-2005, 08:33 PM

Don't go on the blind date. Tell you're friend that your standards are higher and it would be a waste of time. Then tell him that if he trys hooking you up with an ugly chick again you will tell his fiance that he is cheating on her. Whenever I think of blind dates, I think there is a reason that they need to be set up, and that reason is that nobody else wants to date them. I've had two blind dates and were less than average. You need to pick out chicks for yourself. I would rather have the embarrassment of being denied by a hot chick than the shame of being seen on a date with an ugly one.

Luv2DriveTT · #36 11-21-2005, 08:35 PM

suck it up, with the condition that if you don't like her there is a pre-determined signal between you and your friend.

Then come back to OOT and post a trip report [img]/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

TT [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

scrub · #37 11-21-2005, 08:46 PM

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The fiance of one of my good friends wants to set me up with her a friend of her sister. Being the shallow prick that I am I looked on Friendster and found her profile. Her photos were less-than appealing. Further complicating matters is the fact that I'm not drinking for a little while, so my standards will be a bit higher than usual.

How should I handle this situation? I'm leaning towards sucking it up and meeting up for coffee, perhaps to be pleasantly surprised but more than likely just to get it out of the way to keep things smooth.

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If your buddy is a good friend, you should go. If he's looking out for you, the worst case scenario ought to be that you don't think she's attractive but you have a good time and maybe end up with a new friend/female social hub. Best case scenario is obviously that she doesn't photograph well, which is a bigger possibility than people are acknowledging.

scrub

DrSavage · #38 11-21-2005, 08:53 PM

If I were you I'd just start drinking again.

imported_anacardo · #39 11-21-2005, 08:55 PM

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Best case scenario is obviously that she doesn't photograph well, which is a bigger possibility than people are acknowledging.

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This is an important possibility to consider. I've known girls ranging from above average to hot that looked much better in life than in pictures. I'd rate it just as likely that she looks better, rather than worse, in person. Not that that's necessarily going to push this girl into Turn-On Territory, but something worth factoring in.

private joker · #40 11-21-2005, 09:49 PM

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you have to also remember that the pictures on internet site (myspace, friendster, etc.) are carefully selcted to make the person look about 40% hotter than they actually are.

i know this first hand.

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This is a great point. I really wish I had thought of this and posted it.

Also, I'm surprised istewart hasn't come after you yet.