Best cab driver stories

[Phoenix1010]

Everyone's got a great one. Unfortunately, I can't remember my best so I'll just give the one from tonight.

Me: Hey how much did your cat cost?
My friend: I dunno, it was like 220 total.
Cabbie (out of nowhere): I hope she came with lube!
2 seconds of silence
Cabbie: Whoa where did that come from?

Later,

Cabbie: Yeah I gotta take my bitch to the movies one of these days, I can call her my bitch since we've been living together for 3 years, what do you guys recommend?


I'll try to remember some stories from back in the City (there's a cabbie named Butt Arie who we had a lot of fun with), what you guys got?

[phixxx]

I accidentally told an Arab taxi driver that my friend was jewish. He wouldn't stop the cab, and started yelling. We left shortly after.

[ QUOTE ]
I accidentally told an Arab taxi driver that my friend was jewish. He wouldn't stop the cab, and started yelling. We left shortly after.

[/ QUOTE ]

umm, how did you leave if he wouldnt stop the cab?

[phixxx]

We told him forcefully to stop, and he finally did like two blocks away from where we needed to go. We shorted him and left. There were three of us, he would have been foolish to start something.

Edit: Fun.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
I accidentally told an Arab taxi driver that my friend was jewish. He wouldn't stop the cab, and started yelling. We left shortly after.

[/ QUOTE ]

Was this in Israel? Why would he care?

People are [censored] weirdos. Also, how did you accidentally tell him? Were you trying to keep a secret and it just slipped out. "Me and my jewish friend are trying to go...errr..I mean uh...totally christian non jewish friend are going to this bar..."

When I went to visit the Citadel in S. Carolina I took a cab (along with my uncle, who was taking me to visit schools) to the hotel. The driver was a dirty looking guy, about 250 lbs, 6 ft +, long dirty blonde hair, generally the Jerry Springer typical cheating husband looking guy. Little did I know how close I was to the truth.

THis guy was the craziest driver I had ever met. He was swerving all over the place and began yelling at the top of his lungs about how he and his wife were offered to go on the Jerry Springer show one time. Turns out his daughter was having an affair with one of the guys who owned the same strip club where his wife worked. He got so angry about the story his driving got more erratic. Meanwhile my uncle and myself are smiling and nodding about "that whore who was working with Jed". It was surreal. We tipped extra at the end for fear of him killing us for a small tip.

Also, he told us that Jerry Springer offers people a sheetload of money to go on. He turned down the offer though, didn't want to look like "trash".

[Sponger15SB]

Here was a conversation I had with a taxi cab driver a few months ago...



Cabdriver: Where to?

Sponger: Uh.. gay bar, please?

Cabdriver: So, you're gay, huh?

Sponger: Well.. let me put it to you this way: I am gay, but my wife and three sons don't know about it!

Cabdriver: So, you keep it a secret, do you?

Sponger: Well, yeah. Basically, what I try to do is act real manly in front of people I know. Hell, I'll even make fun of gay guys at work, just to make it look like I don't like gay people! But I like 'em.. I like 'em a lot! And, tonight, I plan on showing at least five of them how much I like them - if you catch my drift! Right?

Cabdriver: Yeah. So, in summary, you're gonna have sex with a lot of gay men tonight?

Sponger: Exactamundo!

Cabdriver: I mean, what's the harm, as long as your family never finds out about it.

Sponger: Right-o!

it was probably like austin powers 3.

he gets in the cab...

"Oh, God. Mehi, dont tell him you're Jewish... he might refuse to stop if he knew you were Jewish, you know because he might not like Jews, and if he knew you were Jewish he might get mad, so we'll avoid telling him you're Jewish."

(awkward pause) "HES A JEW!!!!" "JEWWIE JEWWIE JEW!!!"

[phixxx]

Haha, my jewish friend was being jewish and trying to get the guy to stop early so he didn't have to pay as much. I was foolish enough to say 'Don't mind him, he's jewish.' This is when the cab driver proceeded to flip out and start yelling in a language I could not understand. Hahahah.

[duk]

Perhaps the cab driver was a Jew forced to leave Iran during the revolution, and he was cursing at you in Farsi not to be so anti-semitic.