Best cab driver stories

[SL__72]

I don't take a ton of cab rides... and when I do I'm often in no state to remember them, but...

A couple weeks ago we got a cabbie who must have been drunk or something. First he took a right turn at a stopsign at like 15MPH (that was as slow as he got).

Later, the light we needed to turn left at turned red right in front of us. He swerved and almost without slowing down turned right, whipped a Uey and sped straight through the green. On both right turns my 280 pound friend was thrown up in the air onto my 160 pound friend (I was in front chatting w/ crazie cabbie)

[DrCool]

Last year in Vegas a friend of mine and I were in a cab and we pulled up to an intersection somewhere behind the strip. We were making a right turn and there was a right turn lane and a car was in front of us. The light was red and the traffic was light but the car in front of us just wouldn't take his free right hand turn. The cab driver gave him a little honk on the horn to wake him up. Nothing obnoxious, just a little reminder. The door to the car flys open and this little 50 yr old asian man comes running back to the cab.

In broken english he starts cursing and screaming about how it was a red light, we should be having carnal relations with out mothers, we should perform sexual acts with ourselves that are physically impossible, etc. The guy was flipping out for no reason and he starts pounding on the windows.

The cab driver hits the gas, almost runs over the guy, and comes within about an inch of tearing the guys door off as he zips past his car and takes a right hand turn. The asian guy jumps into his vehicle and starts chasing us. He is weaving in and out of traffic and almost killing everyone on the road. A couple times it looked like he was going to ram us.

After a couple minutes of this the cab driver cuts across 2 or 3 lanes of traffic to pull into the Mirage where he knew the guy wouldn't follow because of security. After our hearts stop pounding the driver takes us to our hotel so we can pick up our bags and takes us to the airport.

On the way to the airport he shows us a book he wrote about crazy Vegas cab stories (4 chicks making out in the back of his cab, a chick that wouldn't ride in his cab unless she could give him a blow job while he was driving, the 2 hot chicks that grabbed a nasty guy from a bus stop and took care of him in the backseat, etc). Crazy time.

My second best Vegas cab story is far behind that but it involves a cab driver watching the Passion of the Christ DVD and cursing like a sailor the whole time. Pretty funny.

[fyodor]

I know a cpl guys who were taking a cab home after a night of drinking. It was very late and not a lot of traffic. They are approaching a red light and ask the cab driver to just run it and they will tip him an extra $10. So he runs it.

As they approach another red light they offer another $10 and he does it again. They are hooting and hollering and the cab driver is getting in to it.

On about the 4th try a car comes through from the left and t-bones them. Everyone is unhurt but the guys get out, swear at the cab driver for being an a-hole and leave without paying.

I didn't think this part was cool. They should have paid.

[phil_ivey_fan]

1) big group leaving the bars to go home in a van cab. I'm sitting in the way back row and have to pee. So I pee'd over the seat.

2) leaving the bar with really drunk friend and a couple of people I dont know well. my friend is in the front seat and is in bad shape like he's about to puke. He's just sitting there drooped over and spitting on the floor right beside the cabby. The cabby starts yelling at him. My friend (big guy +6ft 230ish) starts yelling back "Dude, I'm not gonna puke in your cab, STFU!!". The cabby shuts up and my friend continues to spit on the guys floor all the way back to campus.

[RatFink]

Bunch of guys driving around looking for some ladies of the evening and all they can find is some pretty bottom of the barrell desperate-types. They pull up at a light next to a grizzly old cab driver and roll down the window and ask him "Hey where are the high-class BJ girls?" Without missing a beat he says "they gonna be sucking your d--- how high class can they be??"

[eviljeff]

[ QUOTE ]
how did you accidentally tell him? Were you trying to keep a secret and it just slipped out. "Me and my jewish friend are trying to go...errr..I mean uh...totally christian non jewish friend are going to this bar..."

[/ QUOTE ]

right, because Arabs love Christians.

[Peca277]

Me and three of my friends are in Vegas for the first time and check out downtown. After we looked around for a bit we decide it's time to head back to the strip so we wait for a cab outside Binion's.

Minivan cab sees us waiting and stops to pick us up, we get in and say we're heading back to Bally's. We're about to leave when all of a sudden another cab pulls up and stops right in front of ours so we can't go anywhere.

That cabbie, a scary ethiopian dude, comes over to our cab and opens the back door and tries to pull my friend out before he starts yelling at our cabbie for taking his customers. "I've been waiting here for an hour you have no [censored] right to take them, blah blah blah" Our cabbie proceeds to yell out more racial slurs in the span of 30 seconds than I ever imagined possible. My friend smartly closes the door before scary ethiopian dude can pull him out. Our cabbie almost hits the dude's cab and nearly runs him over as we jet out of there as fast as possible. The racial slurs continue for the next five minutes as we all look at each other wondering... "WHAT THE [censored] JUST HAPPENED?!?!?"

[TheMetetron]

*PAGING SHANT*

[ethan]

5 years ago, give or take, I took a cab to LAX. My cabbie was 40-45, male, and (apparently) Iranian. He started talking about his girlfriend, whom he was supporting because she'd come over from Iran and didn't have a job yet. There was some awkward conversation, and eventually he asked me if I wanted to see her picture. Not wanting to be impolite, I went along with it...


...she was maybe 14. And very naked.

[MD2020]

[ QUOTE ]
Here was a conversation I had with a taxi cab driver a few months ago...



Cabdriver: Where to?

Sponger: Uh.. gay bar, please?

Cabdriver: So, you're gay, huh?

Sponger: Well.. let me put it to you this way: I am gay, but my wife and three sons don't know about it!

Cabdriver: So, you keep it a secret, do you?

Sponger: Well, yeah. Basically, what I try to do is act real manly in front of people I know. Hell, I'll even make fun of gay guys at work, just to make it look like I don't like gay people! But I like 'em.. I like 'em a lot! And, tonight, I plan on showing at least five of them how much I like them - if you catch my drift! Right?

Cabdriver: Yeah. So, in summary, you're gonna have sex with a lot of gay men tonight?

Sponger: Exactamundo!

Cabdriver: I mean, what's the harm, as long as your family never finds out about it.

Sponger: Right-o!

[/ QUOTE ]

You should look out, or you might come back with anal warts.