Poker has taken over. Help!

Bralynn · #1 09-28-2005, 05:43 AM

I'm 27, have a wife and two daughters, ages 4 and 2. I work part-time at an Internet company and play Online Poker as a main source of income. I've been doing this off and on for over a year.

I'm really trying to figure out if I want to keep doing this, or if I even want to play Poker anymore. I'm definitely not a losing player. I've actually done very well and Poker has definitely made a big difference in my income recently.

I'm just at a point where I don't feel like I enjoy the game, or that it's good for me. It causes too much stress, too many mood swings, the bad beats, the good days, the bad days and everything in between. It seems like if I have a really good day, I'm in a good mood, but god help you if you are around me after I've just lost 5 2 outters in a row. I don't feel like that is healthy. I don't like it when a game has control over my emotions like Poker does.

The problem is that I don't know if I can or even SHOULD stop right now. I can't remember having a losing week in the last year, so obviously I'm winning consistantly, and I don't know if I can just go back to a full-time job, bringing in a steady paycheck and living paycheck to paycheck again. Is that really the smart move?

I think for the first time I realize how gambling is bad, apart from just losing money. I feel like I've lost control over my life and options. I can't imagine doing this for a full-time job forever, but it seems like when you spend all your time playing poker, it consumes you. I don't seem to have an interest in learning about anything else. I just feel like if I'm not doing anything, I should be trying to make money. Over, and over.

So my problem is this: I feel like deep down I should stop playing Poker beacuse it just doesn't feel like that right thing to do. I'm a winning player and I don't know if I can handle going back to getting a paycheck, which will be considerably less than I usually make when I play Poker.

Should I keep playing just to support my family although it's hurting me in many other ways?

Any advice is appreciated.

Al Schoonmaker · #2 09-28-2005, 07:29 AM

You are exactly the sort of person I targetted when I wrote a two part series for our Internet Magazine, "Don't take poker too seriously." It's off our web site now, but I will send you a copy if you email me at alannschoonmaker@hotmail.com.

Regards,

Al

4_2_it · #3 09-28-2005, 09:01 AM

Please listen to Al, his advice is spot on.

I will add is that since since you have a wife, talk to her. You didn't mention how she feels about it. She certainly has noticed your mood swings. Mine did. I found that sharing my ups and downs with her has made me a much happier person away from the tables.

Is your wife the type to explode if you told her that you just lost 10 buy-ins or would she shrug that off and tell you to get 'em next time? How much does she know about what you do and how much you make at poker? What are her expectations?

Speaking from experience, happiness is more important to me than money. If my wife told me to stop playing tomorrow because it is negatively affecting our relationship I would stop without a second thought.

pologuy64 · #4 09-28-2005, 09:23 AM

Poker is only a game. The main thing i learned is you have to play poker emotionless if you want to do well. You must relize that bad beats happen, they our part of the game. On a sheet of paper mark: Beats taken and Beats given. Keep tally and they will even out. Poker can be very unhealthy if you let what happens gets to you. Pick a limit that you can make decent money,but doesnt hurt if you lose a few buyin. Clean up regularly and if you have a bad day and lose alittle, so what, your playing within your roll.

Best ADIVE: play poker emotionless, wheather you win or lose.

4_2_it · #5 09-28-2005, 09:35 AM

[ QUOTE ]
On a sheet of paper mark: Beats taken and Beats given. Keep tally and they will even out.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry for the partial hijack, but if you are referring to bad beats then these numbers will never be equal for a winning player. You should be taking many more bad beats than you dish out because you should be getting your money in when you have the best of it.

Your idea is good, but I think your application needs adjustment. If you are taking more bad beats than you give, you are probably playing some solid poker.

puckboy · #6 09-28-2005, 10:09 AM

YES AL's article is right on. Just want to share an old addage: " The best way to take the fun out of a hobby is to do it for a living". "If this were easy, everyone would be doing it."

Hang in there and you'll be fine

Hellmouth · #7 09-28-2005, 10:15 AM

Nothing should rule your life or mood. Its perfectly reasonable to have good and bad days based on work. But if it rules your life you need to make some changes.

I am also a winning player. The other day I went on tilt which is pretty rare for me. I kept getting sucked out on by the same player. I was pissed and I was obsessing over it. I decided that it was not healthy and took the next day off.

Now I feel great again.

I think what Im trying to get at is that you need to get things in perspective and that usually a break helps. The problem that most winning players have is that they build up an expectation that they "deserve" to win. It is when expectation does not meet reality that things start to get messed up.

Good luck.

Greg

BarronVangorToth · #8 09-28-2005, 12:07 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Please listen to Al, his advice is spot on.

[/ QUOTE ]

These articles, as Dr. Al says, are exactly what you need. I read them through (yes, I was naughty and saved them until whenever they are collected in book form) whenever this happens to me as well. For a guy with a family (and kids, especially) you need to be centered in order to do what's best for them AND for you AND for your game.

Barron Vangor Toth
BarronVangorToth.com

Bralynn · #9 09-28-2005, 01:25 PM

Thanks. I just found Part 2 and enjoyed it. If you could e-mail me Part 1 I would appreciate it.

bralynn@gmail.com

Bralynn · #10 09-28-2005, 01:29 PM

[ QUOTE ]

I will add is that since since you have a wife, talk to her. You didn't mention how she feels about it. She certainly has noticed your mood swings. Mine did. I found that sharing my ups and downs with her has made me a much happier person away from the tables.

[/ QUOTE ]

Poker has been a very big deal in the past before. She really doesn't like the game at all. The problem exists for her now though too, she doesn't like me playing, but knows that I need to in order for us to pay the bills.

[ QUOTE ]

Is your wife the type to explode if you told her that you just lost 10 buy-ins or would she shrug that off and tell you to get 'em next time? How much does she know about what you do and how much you make at poker? What are her expectations?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't like telling her because she gets stressed out about money and I would rather just keep that burden on myself. I usually only tell her if I've done really well.

[ QUOTE ]

Speaking from experience, happiness is more important to me than money. If my wife told me to stop playing tomorrow because it is negatively affecting our relationship I would stop without a second thought.

[/ QUOTE ]

She has told me before that she doesn't want me to play, and I'm starting to realize the reasons now. Other people see things about yourself usually before you do.