How do you feel about people outright asking you for money? - Page 3

jba · #21 09-14-2005, 03:23 PM

bernie, you have great taste in women.

Luke · #22 09-14-2005, 04:39 PM

I hope that's a "what" like you'd say "whhaaaat" to your boys when they say something funny/cool and you are giving approval because I certainly think some of those rules apply to poker and for sure in this situation.

Besides, even if it didn't, quoting Biggie is fun.

Luke

Greg (FossilMan) · #23 09-14-2005, 05:46 PM

Better rethink your position on loans. There is no higher risk loan than that to a friend or a family member. Especially if they see you as somebody who has plenty of money. They will expect you to let them slide at a moments notice, or even forgive the loan (because you're so much better off than them).

If it is somebody you love, give them the money, don't lend it. That way, you won't feel bad when they don't pay you back, and it won't ruin the friendship/relationship. If you choose to lend money, make sure it is in a spot where you will sue them, foreclose on their collateral, whatever, the same as you would if they were a stranger, and you were a public lender. If you can't do that to them, do not make the loan.

Later, Greg Raymer (FossilMan)

drewjustdrew · #24 09-14-2005, 06:30 PM

Maybe it came across wrong. I agree with your attitude totally. If a close friend or relative wants a loan (none would ask for handouts), I would consider giving it to them, and have in the past. Without telling them, I consider it a gift and never press them on paying it back. So far no one has "defaulted" for a serious amount, but my frame of mind is that they do not owe it anyway. I don't value money like I appear to with my relatives/friends. I just live a very meager lifestyle, so it seems like I am cheap, when I am just easily satisfied, in terms of possessions.

Slacker13 · #25 09-14-2005, 06:42 PM

In the past five years I have done very well financially (business, not poker) and people/friends started to take notice. I had two very good friends borrow money from me, one who use to pitch for the Pitsburgh Pirates (will remain nameless) and another who I went through alot with, well, I have not seen neither of them in over a year. It is now crystal clear just how good of friends they really were, not even a phone call, nothing. Now when I am approached i just say no, sorry, would love to help you but I am spread thin.
I will never lend another dime to anyone.

bernie · #26 09-14-2005, 06:56 PM

And then there's the mopes that ask for the handouts in the cardrooms and the parking lots. 'Hey fossilman, you won all that money. Just a little bit so I can pay some bills.' They say that as they are walking out of the cardroom after being busted for their last $500. This happened to me. The guy even wanted to use his car as collateral. I turn him down nicely, then he gets all pissy with me. The jerk-off.

b

muck_nutz · #27 09-14-2005, 08:21 PM

That might be the worst choice of all. Nothing like somebody you care about avoiding you because they think they owe you money.

Underlieing a lot of the gambling/lending issues are the thoughts that 'cuz you won it then its more "found" then "earned".

GambleAB · #28 09-14-2005, 08:59 PM

My money philosophy:

I currently live in Vegas, and all of my friends here are poker players also, so I don't have the "money loaning/giving" problem. But, before this summer, I lived in NC and almost all of my close friends were broke college students with crappy jobs/internships. All of them knew that I had been doing well in poker online, and after Jan all of them of course knew about my big live cash. None of them ever asked me to give them money or even loan them money, but anytime I would go over their appt I would usually bring a case of beer, or if we were ordering pizza, about half the time I would offer to cover the entire thing. Noone ever asked me to and I doubt anyone would think less of me if I didn't do it, but my thinking was that I KNOW what it's like to be broke and in college with very little spending money, and if I can pick up a $20 or $30 tab once or twice a week to make it so that thats one less thing that 3 or 4 of my buddies have to worry about, then why not?
As far as loaning people money, thats somewhat more complicated. Loaning someone you know money can sometimes lead to complacency in them paying you back, ESPECIALLY if they know that your bank account/bankroll is still healthy. I've only loaned one person money, when he had a week to come up with $1000 or he couldn't finish school (it was his last chance to take summer school to get his degree). I made sure to explain to him beforehand my concerns, and we went over a repayment plan that he stuck to so there were no problems.

drewjustdrew · #29 09-14-2005, 09:03 PM

No, I think a worse choice is loaning money to a horrible decision maker who has never been successful, then actually expecting them to pay and getting upset at them when they don't. FWIW, I don't think the people I know would act the way you describe. They have strong money/debt consciousness. Maybe that's why I'm comfortable with my attitude.

I agree with the point about "found" vs "earned". Whenever I play the lottery when it's high like now ($250 million Mega-millions), everyone expects a cut if you win. Meanwhile I don't see them chipping in to risk money on a ticket (nor would I ask for a cut if they won, maybe that's where the discrepancy comes from).

JackStorm · #30 09-14-2005, 10:16 PM

The Fossilman made several great points about loaning money.

I have had the hard luck railbirds whine to me and ask for money. Tell people that ask you for money that you dont have any money even if you do. Works most of the time.

Another approach- a calling station lousy player asked me for $20 once and I raised him. I asked him for $40 a few seconds later he had a look on his face of somebody who just got checkraised [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]