Trip report: 1st Time I used my Lap Top in the Head

[TTChamp]

So I am playing in a ***** tourny on my laptop last night. I almost always use my desk top, but my wife was doing some work. Anyway, about 5 minutes in I start eating on this carmel corn I bought from the Boy Scouts. I was focusing on the tourny, so I just kept munching away until the whole bag was gone.

It gets near the end of the tourny and I start getting rumblings. Turns out carmel corn makes you have to crap something fierce. I tried to fend it of, but I was in serious pain...so bad that sweat was pouring off my forehead. The tourny was down to 4 players so there was no way I could get away long enough to take care of business. I had read on 2p2 how some people played on the crapper, so I decided to go for it. Normally I would never do this as I am a germaphobe and I wouldn't want to expose the laptop to fecal matter, but given the carmel corn eruption that was brewing in my ass, there was really no choice.

So I get in the bathroom and I set the laptop down on the floor. I pull down my pants and start to sit. My knees wern't even at right angles when my a-hole burst. It sounded like water being dumped off a tent canopy after a night of rain.

Anyway, as I am checking for splatter on my thighs and balls, I hear the laptop beep at me. First thing I notice is that the touch pad has been hit by a slug size droplet of diarhea. Next thing I notice is that the left click button is also code brown. The worst part was that you could still see a piece of caramel corn on the left click button. I carefully took my turn, finish out the tourny on the pot and clean up.

So today my wife and I are looking at movie times on line. I hear her say "what is this" and my heart skipped a beat. She found two spots near the base of the monitor. As I am cleaning those up she starts looking between the keys of the keyboard and finds splatter on those too. I made up a story that I had been sneezing on the laptop which I think she bought (plausible because I am sick from the flu shot...an argument for another thread).

Has anyone done anything worse to their laptop? Can anyone top this? Stories involving bodily fluids and porn are welcome.

Anyway, thought OOT would appreciate this one. If something similar has already been posted flame away, I blame the search function.