Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.

I was at a party a while back, and a buddy of mine who has since quit drinking (you'll understand why he quit in a second) was absolutely hammered, and I heard him utter the the 2 most horrid pick-up lines that I've ever heard someone pitch . And he wasn't joking, this was truly his attempt to get laid that night! The conversation went as follows: He sits next to the poor girl, puts his arm around her and says: "baby, I'm all over you like white on rice." And to this she responds, "I'm sorry, Im not into one night stands" to which he promptly replys, "then how about a five night stand?" Have any of you ever heard or uttered any come-on as bad as this? Does this crap ever REALLY work?

[Tron]

Alcohol is awesome.

[diebitter]

If delivered with charm, self-effacement and the right circumstances I'm sure they do.

Well, I deliver mine with charmless egotism at completely the wrong time, and they never work, so that's almost the same, huh?

[mmbt0ne]

Suck me, beautiful.

[stigmata]

The worst one I ever saw that actually worked:

My friend (very drunk): "I have a magic watch".
Girl (sober & suspicous): "Oh yeah?"
MF: "It can tell what colour knickers your wearing."
Girl: "Yeah right, whatever. Go on then"
MF: Fiddles with watch a bit. Shakes it, brings it to his ear. "Woooow. OMFG. Your not wearing any".
Girl: "Ha, yes I am. There black".
MF: "Oh [censored]. My watch is running slow".

[diebitter]

That's gold! And locked in memory forever!

Seriously, they work if the girl wants em to work. I've used the same ones at different times, and they work great on one, and induce a pained expression or rude words from another.

(it was the old creaker of licking your finger, rubbing her sleeve suggestively with your fingertip, then rubbing your sleeve with it, and saying 'let's get out of these wet clothes' I'm thinking about here, if anyone cares).

[Jman28]

[ QUOTE ]
The worst one I ever saw that actually worked:

My friend (very drunk): "I have a magic watch".
Girl (sober & suspicous): "Oh yeah?"
MF: "It can tell what colour knickers your wearing."
Girl: "Yeah right, whatever. Go on then"
MF: Fiddles with watch a bit. Shakes it, brings it to his ear. "Woooow. OMFG. Your not wearing any".
Girl: "Ha, yes I am. There black".
MF: "Oh [censored]. My watch is running slow".

[/ QUOTE ]

What are you talking about? That's awesome, as is the one in the OP.

To the OP, Art Monk rules.

[gmrankin]

guy: I have been thinking of some goals that i want to accomplish in college
Her: really, like what? good GPA? getting into a good grad school? joining a frat?
guy: ummm, no, want to help me with one?
her: sure, i guess...
Guy: want to come back to my place and piss on me?

[Klepton]

"you know how easy it is to get away with rape?"

[whiskeytown]

I play poker for a living

RB