Serious issue: Ex Girlfriend...Thanksgiving....Feeling Bad

[Brain]

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1. I don't love her anymore, I don't like being in her company, She's a bitch.

[/ QUOTE ]I think you need to stop talking to her altogether if this is actually the case.

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An alternative is to tell her that she can come over if she eats a pound of butter.

[tonypaladino]

I guess I will not be inviting her over.

If she hadn't made other plans, that's her problem, right?

EDIT:

I still feel pretty terrible about this though, even though I know I shouldn't.

[istewart]

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YOU'RE FAT

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LOL

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I still feel pretty terrible about this though, even though I know I shouldn't.

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I'm a bigger puss than you are, I'd probably have invited her over to soothe the conscience.

That being said, good call. You aren't her damn keeper. Let her fend for herself.

[shant]

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Who had that avatar from Menace II Society of dude saying "You're acting like a little bitch right now!"

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Hi, that was moi.

[Blarg]

These situations are going to come up for the rest of her life, and there's no better time to start than now. Seriously, not just being glib. She has to get used to the idea of your being apart, and so do you. And your family too, even.

Holidays suck pretty bad when you're alone. But that can't be changed. The girl has been on her own since February, you say. That's time enough to get her life restarted. Now 9 months later, she should just be living a normal life, which is not a particularly terrible curse at all, really. And it includes either making new friends or suffering the consequences of not having new friends. You can't have it both ways -- not being with you while still relying on you, or not making friends but not having to deal with having no friends.

People need friends. She needs to learn to go out and make some more. If she hasn't learned by now, this holiday season will help drive it home that she's on her own and needs to keep leading a healthy, productive life. It could be the spur to her getting herself back into a healthier mental and emotional place, even if it will be some extra misery for now.

I'm not saying that there's a way to feel perfectly kind in this situation. Just saying that what seems to be the nice way out may not really be all that helpful and may even prolong her problems. What she needs is not more of you, but more outside friends. And actually all her friends should be "outside" of your relationship with her, if you follow what I mean, because you two don't have one anymore.

She's even rejecting the friend who invited her over for Thanksgiving just because she wanted to hang with you. That's not the way to go about it. She has a place to go. She'd just rather be with you. That's no good. It's high time she started attending to her emotional needs in a healthier way than by prolonging contact with you.

If it were me, I'm sure I'd have spikes of feeling guilty about it, but wouldn't invite her over during the holidays. They're not only your holidays too, which you deserve to enjoy, but inviting her over sends the wrong signals. She needs to move on and get her life going. I'd be reluctant to dump someone DURING the holidays, but February? She needs to get her own life going now.

[tonypaladino]

Thank you Blarg. I read that post twice.
I'm feeling better about not having her here.

When I look back, the relationship we had lasted much longer than it should have because I did not want to be "mean" and break up with her. I finally realized that I needed to do what is right for myself, and I thing I need to do the same now.

[Alobar]

uhm, wtf? You dont want her there, why are you stressing? Just dont invite her. Are you going to invite every homeless person over too just cuz you dont want them to be alone?

I dont know any of the backstory, but it just sounds like a lot of drama. who needs that. So shes alone on thanksgiving, so what? Millions of people will be, its not going to be the end of her world. Allow her the opportunity to move on and forward from her life with you.

People place entirely to much emphasise on the holidays. If you have to have some arbitrary day on a calendar remind you of whats important in life..........

[Dariel86]

our relationship. We've both moved on...

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Doesn't really sound like it

[peachy]

thats a hard one...b/c after 4 years with someone...even if u dont have a broken home of your own - u do get attached to ur significant others family...and when u break up it makes the 1st holiday doubley worse. In most situations i would say dont take her...but if u make it clear that this doesnt mean anything i dont see a problem with it.

Its hard to be alone for anyone during the holidays and her situation is twice as worse as most...u were with her for 4 yrs so id imagine u two were pretty close. If the relationship ended on an ok note id take her...but if its mixed up and crazy and shes a lil clingy still id be warey. But like i said just make some boundries clear and say this doesnt mean anything towards ur relationship etc.

I dont think i could let her sit at home alone either...but if u dont WANT her there then dont...go with what u want...if a part of u wants her there as a "friend" invite her


The fact that she does have another offer makes me think shes trying to fuel things up again b/w u two or shes havin a hard time letting go...id encourage her to go with jeff was it?? Im afraid she wont and will sit at home though to get to u...so ur in a tough spot...like i said before base it on what u want and how ur friendship with her stands now