Bankroll recovery. Long & personal.

[octaveshift]

As some of you may remember, I went on a liquid-nitrogen-turbo-cooler about 2 weeks ago.

I don't know if I ever mentioned it before, but back in January, I had made myself a promise after donking off my BR for the 10th time. I would deposit on final $100 into my PP account, and not deposit any more for one year if I went broke. It was basically a "sink or swim" measure, as I had no real incentive to learn.

Fast forward to July. I had managed to grow my roll big enough to play the 55s, with occasional excursions into the 109s when I felt frisky. Life was good. Weeeeeee.

August 1st. My bankroll is down to $12. OMGWTF happened? I hadn't changed my game, had I? Variance? Was I a losing player all along, caught in an updraft of luck? W.T.F.?!

So after posting on the forum for a bit, I started looking at my hands trying to figure out what had happened. I was shocked to see all sorts of horrifying plays. Coming over the top of UTG raisers with 88 in L2. Reraising with AT. Somewhere along the line, I had become super laggro.

Where did it all go wrong?

Rewind a bit....

<personal>

Back in April I had found out that my younger sister was addicted to heroin. At 21, she had become a full-blown heroin addict. I went to visit her in rehab, and she came clean about her drug history. Coke. Meth. Weed. Crack. Heroin. (Crack?!!) Whoa momma.

Needless to say, I was devastated, but thankfully she was in rehab, and working to get clean. I was definitely stressed, but not so much that it affected my daily routine. The fact that she was under professional care made it easier.

So she gets out of rehab, and she doesn't return my calls. Uh oh. Simultaneously, my bankroll begins its decline. Why isn't she calling me back? (You raise? OK tough guy, let's see how you like my reraise with J3.) I wonder what is going on? (A4o? I call.) Do you think she could be using again? (I'M ALL IN!)

Soooooooooooooooo. My worst fears were confirmed when I got a call from my parents, who told me that my sister had "something" to tell me. *puke* So my sister gets on the phone, crying, and tells me that not only is she using heroin again, but that she had stolen checks from my brother and parents, and had written about $4k in bad checks in the span of 2 weeks. Uh oh. Can you say "felony?"

There is no way this could have affected my play, right? No way. I am a well-oiled machine with zero defects. Yeah, right...

Well, the good news is that she is back in rehab again, and headed into a halfway house when she gets out next week. She is staying positive, and my parents have entered family drug counseling. We are cautiously optimistic for her recovery, and look forward to seeing her get well.

</personal>

After identifying the cause of my tilt, I was determined to erradicate it from my game. This meant I would have to start cleaning up my mind before I started cleaing up my game.

I was down to my last $12... If I went bust, I would be finished with online poker until January. It was do or die time.

Here is the magic formula I used:

1. Take $12 to $25 NL ring game. Nut peddle. Watch in utter disbelief as people call every bet.
3. Take $50 to short handed 1/2 limit table. Bet your made hands. Don't bluff.
4. Take $100 to $100NL ring game. Nut peddle, but add some other hands.
5. Take $300 to 3/6 short handed limit game. Thank the lord when you find the world's loosest game. Milk it like a Holstein. CR all the way, and watch as the villain calls you down with queen high!
6. Hit the 22s.
7. Jump to the 55s.
8. Rejoice when your bankroll is back to where it used to be. (As of my last win in a 55, I am totally recovered.)

Phew! So that's it, in a very large and rambling nutshell. I know talking about my sister's recovery and my bankroll recovery in the same post may seem disrepectful, but it's not intended to be. I just wanted to share my story, because I know that many of us face personal issues that can affect our game in subtle ways.

Thanks for reading.

-David