i wish i were a better person

[kurosh]

i mean... i'm an ok person. i'm smart and that's more than most people can say. i'm too cold sometimes. i'm arrogant sometimes too. why is that a bad thing? people don't like it so that makes it bad? i lack motivation.. or care? i don't care enough - about anything. they always say to me, they ALWAYS say to me, "kurosh, you have this gift, you have to use it. it's not fair to the rest of society." i always used to say [censored]'em. i don't owe [censored] to society. society is [censored]. if i want to sit in my room and leech off the dredges of society to make money, i will. it's an easy way of making money. the opportunity is there. i can't pass it up. i'm very smart. i know that. what does smart get you? i don't use it. it is slowly turning to mush. i can feel it. i could probably whip it back into shape but it's mush for now and the pot doesn't help. i can feel that [censored] in my brain making me dumber for a day. for a week i'm slightly dumber, but functional. i need to stop but that brings me to my second point.

i'm crazy. i'm absolutely insane. i lack discipline. my emotions are wild and out of control. ask that crazy jeni, who i know will be reading this because she reads all of my posts. go ahead, post here, tell them. all the posts about groundhog day made me watch the movie and it inspired me. you know what i do if i were him? i would sit on my ass. i wouldn't get out of bed. i would waste away and be depressed. how can i do that? not anymore. i need to be better. i need discipline. i need to [censored] use this crazy machine on my head. starting tomorrow, no more drugs, no more girls, no more touching myself, no more tilt, no more wasting time, i am a machine. i have a pile of books in my room i need to read. i will read them and i will learn. i spend so much SO GOD DAMN MUCH of my time and mental effort on that stupid girl. so much frustration and so much wasted time and so much so so much destruction and waste. sometimes i think i should castrate myself. my life would be easier. i could spend my time on things that matter. who needs sex for love? no more sex for me.

but for tonight? i drink izze and listen to nickel creek.

[jakethebake]

Please save the uninteresting posts like this for your Blog.

[edfurlong]

I was with you until the no touching yourself nonsense.

[kurosh]

do you still read my blog you bastard?
it's not for you
it's for me

[LethalRose]

hear hear!

so basically you're going to ditch poker and girls and graduate college?

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
do you still read my blog you bastard

[/ QUOTE ]

actually no. i havent looked except that one time. if it's for you, why do you need to post it? i know what i think. it seems pretty redundant to type it out and put it on the internet.

[kurosh]

i have bad memory. to remind self. it also helps to write things down to clear thoughts and organize. ever typed out a letter or email to someone else and it made you feel better? i dont care if random people read. i dont want people in my life reading it. it makes me uncomfortable if someone i know reads it.

[A_C_Slater]

[ QUOTE ]
I was with you until the castration nonsense.

[/ QUOTE ]


FYP

[kurosh]

come on. seriously, how much time do you guys waste watching porn and touching yourself alone? now how much time do you waste chasing girls and [censored] girls? NOW, how much time do you waste thinking about them and talking about them when they aren't even around? jesus christ, that's so much wasted time. i could make a banana in that amount of time.

[A_C_Slater]

[ QUOTE ]
come on. seriously, how much time do you guys waste watching porn and touching yourself alone? now how much time do you waste chasing girls and [censored] girls? NOW, how much time do you waste thinking about them and talking about them when they aren't even around? jesus christ, that's so much wasted time. i could make a banana in that amount of time.

[/ QUOTE ]


So you'd rather have more money than a penis?