Funniest Line You Ever SAID at a Poker Table

[Luv2DriveTT]

[ QUOTE ]
How much for that tie?

[/ QUOTE ]


hahahahahaha

TT [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Your Mom]

I was sweating my buddy. He raised in a large pot on the turn. Someone called him. I said "Raise again, John." Dealer tells me, "You can't raise yourself." I said, "Speak for yourself." For some reason, the table really thought this was funny/dirty.

[ScottyP431]

6-12 in MN, some huge guy, like 6'5 and easily 400 pounds is stuck about 1k and not happy. He is berating everyone, 2 dealers have called the floor due to his screaming at them. I realay this info as my comment may not have been that funny as the audience was pretty biased against him.

I raise with kings and he 3 bets, heads up it goes 7 bets preflop before he calls. I flop a set of kings, he turns a set of 2's, 4 bets on each street. An ace hits the river and he raises me, i stop to think for a second "could he possibly have aces?" He must have thought he was gonna lose his "customer" as he starts talking. After some random babble he sees im wearing a porn-star brand hat and says "so your a pornstar eh? thats funny, i have a rather large collection and ive never seen you".

i say "thats cause i dont do gay porn" and toss in a raise.

[whiskeytown]

think I know that guy....sounds like Jeff

he usually talks when he has a monster hand....LOL

RB

[JoshuaD]

"Wait, explain the curtains to me again?"

[Subman]

Mirage $10-20 couple of years ago, in the middle of a hand. Dealer looks at me and says "Your turn to act."
Without batting an eyelid I stand up and start reciting : "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears..."

The whole table cracked up.

[DrewOnTilt]

Loose live $4-$8 game, I flopped a gutshot draw to the broadway straight in a huge pot. I was getting the right odds and there were a bunch of people chasing, so of course I called.

I hit the straight on the river and beat a crybaby who had flopped a set of kings. He whined more than Phil Helmuth and berated me and called me names for the better part of 5 minutes.

I ignored him at first but quickly got tired of listening to him run his mouth. I looked at him and said in my best Chris Farley voice, "Well, you're the one with the hard candy shell!"

The whole table burst out laughing.

[LLWesMan]

During a super intense home tournament, I over hear at the other table one of my more high strung friends, "two pair aces and tens!" My other friend, in a sort of slow awwww type of way responds with, "two pair, tens and TENS!" Hilarious because it shut up the first guy big time.
Funniest thing I've said? "[censored] you I raise." after making a big show of a staredown and being raised. The table loves that one for some reason, though it might not read as funny.

[cnfuzzd]

either this one, or....

2+2 table at the .5/1 level. ShillX and i are battling it out, and i have been about as lag as ever. I hadnt played that much with shill, so i dont think he knows i am frickin crazy. At one point i think we capped preflop, and i had 88 or something ridiculous, with some poor fish caught between us. The fish goes all in on the flop, and, on the river, after some out of control action from me and a couple of scare cards, shill is thinking about calling my raise. My genuis side comes out. "The pots protected, you should fold." Shill thinks,, then folds. I dont even think he folded a winner, i just thought it was awesome.

Actually, now that im dredging up drunken poker memories, at my drunken .5/1 table the other night i told the table that suited baby aces were the fourth most powerfull hand in poker, which is why i capped preflop with them. After that it was easy to convince them that the grand i had on the table was my weekly deposit that i made every tuesday when i got paid.

peace

john nickle

[Quadstriker]

I sit down and watch the rest of the hand before posting in. Queen Deuce of Hearts takes it down.

Him: It was suited.

Me: So was my lawyer, but that didn't help me.