Now we know why FEMA takes so long…

[slamdunkpro]

In order to volunteer to assist in a disaster one must complete a mandatory FEMA 2 week Orientation Class before being sent into the disaster area. This is the first week course outline verbatim. – This is not a joke

Week One: The Volunteer as Citizen

Day 1: Diversity Awareness
The area affected by Hurricane Katrina includes a diverse population of many ethnicities, national origins, immigrations statuses, and faith traditions. In carrying out relief work, it is important that our workers and volunteers exhibit proper sensitivity to relief recipients from all backgrounds. Volunteers will undergo appropriate training, including the “privilege walk,” basic Spanish-language instruction, and brief study of passages from the Q’u’r’a’n, the Bhagavad Gita, the Dhammachakkappavattana Sutra, and the collected speeches of Marcus Garvey.

Day 2: Harassment Awareness
Volunteers working with FEMA employees come under the scope of federal rules on sexual harassment, as set out in relevant EEOC guidelines. These guidelines will be reviewed and discussed. All volunteers must demonstrate full awareness of sexual harassment issues, both as they apply to other aid workers and volunteers, and as affecting aid recipients. Class events will include a taped lecture by Prof. Anita Hill, class staging of a one-act drama Tailhook Torment, and the ever-popular Packwood Piñata.

Day 3: Profiling Avoidance
Few behaviors give more offense, and few are as inimical to social harmony, as profiling. In our efforts to restore the social environment in the disaster area, we must strenuously avoid all appearance of profiling. All aid recipients must be dealt with on a basis of strict equality. In this workshop, attendees will study and discuss police profiling on the New Jersey Turnpike, airport security screening procedures, and the maligh effects of stereotyping on academic performance. This day’s session also includes a one-hour written test to screen volunteers for Islamophobia.

Day 4: GLBTQA Awareness
Our country has a dark record of oppression and discrimination towards orientational minorities. Because of this, we need to show particular sensitivity towards aid recipients from the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, and asexual minorities. This day’s session will involve group case studies led by qualified, credentialed GLBTQA-awareness trainers, including HIV-positive persons. Rubber gloves, condoms, and dental dams will be supplied.

Day 5: Liability Awareness
While the federal government and its agencies are exempt from most liability issues, volunteers who are not federal employees need to be aware of their susceptibility to lawsuits alleging nuisance, negligence, trespass, etc. Experienced courtroom professionals will address the class, and there will be a case study: “Punishing Good Deeds — The Good Samaritan as Defendant.”

[mackthefork]

The first 4 seem to make sense, the 5th is a disgrace, but no surprise.

Mack

[benfranklin]

1. Anyone who can read that with a straight face better replace the batteries in their Sarcasm Detector.

2. If an Agency like FEMA was operating correctly (a big if), the last thing they would need in a major emergency is a bunch of volunteers giving out lollypops and teddy bears.