Should I force my Mom's Hand????

Talk2BigSteve · #1 10-14-2005, 01:45 AM

As many of you know, I live in Meridian, MS with my mother. I moved back in when my father passed away. She is in debt and I have been paying tons of her bills (House, car, etc). She has issues with me bringing anyone home, so my private life and sex life is almost nonexistant. She does not make enough in a month to pay for her house, car, electric, etc. She has never dealt with her greif from the passing of my father. She does not have the money to pay for and maintain this house, but she refuses to sell it because "My Father bought it as their retirement home." No 64 year old widow needs a 2000+ sq ft 4 bed 2 bath brick home on an acre of land. She constantly says things like "If your father was alive we would have almost $5K a month in income" when she is "borrowing"(With no hope of ever paying it back) money from me.

If I move out into an apartment, She would basically be forced to put the house up for sale. I am paying a house payment of over $800 a month for my mother. I thought she would deal with her greif and move on but it is now 4 1/2 years later and I am still here paying the bills, so she can keep her memories here.

Should I force her hand and just say enough is enough? Or am I just being a cold hearted SOB. Anyone else and I would have left long ago but this is my mother.

Living in Mississippi is cheap, I can get a nice 1/1 apartment for less that $400 here.

What should I do???

Big Steve [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

bugstud · #2 10-14-2005, 01:49 AM

really tough situation

PoBoy321 · #3 10-14-2005, 01:51 AM

This is a really tough spot. Have you considered subletting or taking on a boarder? The only reason that I would not want to give up the house is because it seems like it is a very nice place and you might want to keep it for yourself down the line.

Talk2BigSteve · #4 10-14-2005, 02:01 AM

[ QUOTE ]
This is a really tough spot. Have you considered subletting or taking on a boarder? The only reason that I would not want to give up the house is because it seems like it is a very nice place and you might want to keep it for yourself down the line.

[/ QUOTE ]

It would be a nice place if she had kept up with the little things that need to be done on it. She refinanced with one of those 125% equity loans. She actually owes more that it is worth.

Big Steve [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

bholdr · #5 10-14-2005, 01:51 AM

Buy the house from her? your name should definitly be on the papers if you've been paying for years...

get her on one of those 'reverse morgatages'?

[ QUOTE ]
Anyone else and I would have left long ago but this is my mother.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is your mother. you have to find a way to deal. that's the way it is, imo... sucks, but... it's your mother.

touchfaith · #6 10-14-2005, 02:03 AM

[ QUOTE ]
this is your mother. you have to find a way to deal. that's the way it is, imo... sucks, but... it's your mother.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dominic · #7 10-14-2005, 02:00 AM

why pay $400 for a 1/1 apt. when you can pay $800 for a 4/2 house???

Put up with your mom - she put up with you.

Unless you can't afford the house payments, then you must find a way to get her to sell.

Talk2BigSteve · #8 10-14-2005, 02:06 AM

[ QUOTE ]
why pay $400 for a 1/1 apt. when you can pay $800 for a 4/2 house???

Put up with your mom - she put up with you.

Unless you can't afford the house payments, then you must find a way to get her to sell.

[/ QUOTE ]

She will not put my name on the deed even though I am paying the damn bills, and if there is any equity in this house when she dies the house is to be sold and the profit split 3 ways between me, my brother, and my sister. Yet I am the only one contribution anything. So even if I was making $800 a month payments that are just equity, I would only get back $266.67 of my investment.

That is why a $400 1/1 is better than an $800 4/2.

Big Steve [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

CardSharpCook · #9 10-14-2005, 03:14 AM

My father and his two brothers are in a comparable situation. My grandmother needs round the clock care. This would be more affordably provided in a nursing home. However, they feel it would be too hard on her to handle that change. So they pay for home care. Now, they can afford it. And, the 3 brothers split the burden. This isn't the case with you, is it? I mean, it is different on the one hand -> you'll never have a family of your own to support. So then it is a question to you. How much $$ is your mother's happiness worth to you? How long can you afford to pay her bills when there are less expensive options? It isn't your mother's hand, it is your hand. Will you wait for something to force the issue or will you do what you clearly feel you need to do?

CardSharpCook · #10 10-14-2005, 03:15 AM

welcome back to OOT. Even if it is just for our sagely advice on one issue.