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  #31  
Old 08-09-2005, 04:28 PM
TheWorstPlayer TheWorstPlayer is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Boring work = post too much
Posts: 2,435
Default Re: Fix this sentence

[ QUOTE ]
among what have already been said, theres a comma splice

[/ QUOTE ]
You can't be 'among' a single thing.
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  #32  
Old 08-09-2005, 07:15 PM
MtDon MtDon is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 12
Default Re: Fix this sentence

[ QUOTE ]
I'm helping a friend write a cover letter for a marketing job in the golf industry. It's pretty much all done, but one of her sentences is bad, but I don't know why.

[ QUOTE ]
I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening, and believe it to have a great deal of promise for becoming one of the state's premier courses.

[/ QUOTE ]



[/ QUOTE ]

I believe xxx holds great promise of becoming one of the state's premier courses.

or

I believe xxx holds great promise of becoming the state's premier course.
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  #33  
Old 08-09-2005, 07:49 PM
Punker Punker is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 297
Default Re: Fix this sentence

"If you want the kind of employee that takes abuse I'm your man. You can treat me like dirt and I'll still kiss your butt and call it ice cream."
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  #34  
Old 08-09-2005, 09:07 PM
Senor Cardgage Senor Cardgage is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 90
Default Re: Fix this sentence

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening. I believe it has the potential to become one of the state's premier courses, and I look forward to the opportunity to help xxx maximize its potential

[/ QUOTE ]

That's very good now where are the pics of the girl?

[/ QUOTE ]

Pics from our last golf outing:

pics

Also, I rehosted the original image.

[/ QUOTE ]

I NEVER click on these kinds of links. I'm always extremely careful. Except this time. DAMNIT.

Question: I clicked out of it really fast, so I didn't get a really close look. Was that tubgirl? Not sure if I've ever actually seen that, so I don't know what it looks like.
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  #35  
Old 08-09-2005, 09:14 PM
ddubois ddubois is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 97
Default Re: Fix this sentence

The sentence does not have a comma splice, since it has an appropriate conjunction. I don't see anything that is technically gramatically incorrect, but it doesn't flow well.
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  #36  
Old 08-09-2005, 09:20 PM
BadBoyBenny BadBoyBenny is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 66
Default Re: Fix this sentence

I little cheerleading for the company is OK in a cover letter as long as it is back up with something that say "why I can help XXX acheive that goal"
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