#11
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Re: Fix this sentence
[ QUOTE ]
Don't be an ass. No one wants to hear that some little [censored] thinks their course 'has promise'. Tell them it's good. [/ QUOTE ] It just opened, sorry. And what's the deal with rehosting the image? Is not doing so a problem? |
#12
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Re: Fix this sentence
[ QUOTE ]
I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening, and believe it to have a great deal of promise for becoming one of the state's premier courses. [/ QUOTE ] this could use work. I think you have a comma splice in there. It might be a good idea to try making it two separate sentences |
#13
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Re: Fix this sentence
[ QUOTE ]
I'm helping a friend write a cover letter for a marketing job in the golf industry. It's pretty much all done, but one of her sentences is bad, but I don't know why. [ QUOTE ] I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening, and believe it to have a great deal of promise for becoming one of the state's premier courses. [/ QUOTE ] Oh and thanks: edit- my friend is not one of these girls. [/ QUOTE ] I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening. I believe it has the potential to become one of the state's premier courses, and I look forward to the opportunity to help xxx maximize its potential |
#14
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Re: Fix this sentence
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Don't be an ass. No one wants to hear that some little [censored] thinks their course 'has promise'. Tell them it's good. [/ QUOTE ] It just opened, sorry. [/ QUOTE ] Ah, that changes things. Yeah, then I would split it into two sentences. Short, clear sentences show an organized mind. |
#15
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Re: Fix this sentence
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And what's the deal with rehosting the image? Is not doing so a problem? [/ QUOTE ] it's a problem from some sites because they don't like you hotlinking their images and using up their bandwidth. so you end up with a link to a picture that nobody can see many times. Or, in other cases, it'll work for a while and then after the allotted bandwidth is used up you get a broken link it's a lot easier to just rehost it on Imageshack |
#16
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Re: Fix this sentence
What kind of golf course calls itself XXX?
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#17
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Re: Fix this sentence
winner
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#18
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Re: Fix this sentence
[ QUOTE ]
winner [/ QUOTE ] I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening. I believe it has the potential to become one of the state's premier courses, and I look forward to the opportunity to help xxx maximize its potential I concur. |
#19
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Re: Fix this sentence
[ QUOTE ]
I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening. I believe it has the potential to become one of the state's premier courses, and I look forward to the opportunity to help xxx maximize its potential [/ QUOTE ] That's very good now where are the pics of the girl? |
#20
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Re: Fix this sentence
Pocket Trips gave the best alternative.
That said, I have read thousands of resumes and cover letters, and should point out two things, based on my experience: 1.) Applicants using phrasing involving "in that" or "as regards" (or whatever) always turn out to be douchebags. As Malcolm X liked to say, "Say it plain." 2.) No need to pull an Eddie Haskell ("My, Mrs. Cleaver, that's a lovely dress you are wearing today," etc.). Just apply for the job. You can always blow me later. FWIW. |
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