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  #11  
Old 08-09-2005, 03:06 PM
shadow29 shadow29 is offline
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Default Re: Fix this sentence

[ QUOTE ]
Don't be an ass. No one wants to hear that some little [censored] thinks their course 'has promise'. Tell them it's good.

[/ QUOTE ]

It just opened, sorry.

And what's the deal with rehosting the image? Is not doing so a problem?
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  #12  
Old 08-09-2005, 03:07 PM
Eurotrash Eurotrash is offline
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Default Re: Fix this sentence

[ QUOTE ]
I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening, and believe it to have a great deal of promise for becoming one of the state's premier courses.

[/ QUOTE ]



this could use work. I think you have a comma splice in there. It might be a good idea to try making it two separate sentences
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  #13  
Old 08-09-2005, 03:08 PM
Pocket Trips Pocket Trips is offline
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Default Re: Fix this sentence

[ QUOTE ]
I'm helping a friend write a cover letter for a marketing job in the golf industry. It's pretty much all done, but one of her sentences is bad, but I don't know why.

[ QUOTE ]
I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening, and believe it to have a great deal of promise for becoming one of the state's premier courses.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh and thanks:



edit- my friend is not one of these girls.

[/ QUOTE ]



I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening. I believe it has the potential to become one of the state's premier courses, and I look forward to the opportunity to help xxx maximize its potential
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  #14  
Old 08-09-2005, 03:09 PM
TheWorstPlayer TheWorstPlayer is offline
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Default Re: Fix this sentence

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Don't be an ass. No one wants to hear that some little [censored] thinks their course 'has promise'. Tell them it's good.

[/ QUOTE ]

It just opened, sorry.


[/ QUOTE ]
Ah, that changes things. Yeah, then I would split it into two sentences. Short, clear sentences show an organized mind.
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  #15  
Old 08-09-2005, 03:10 PM
Eurotrash Eurotrash is offline
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Default Re: Fix this sentence

[ QUOTE ]
And what's the deal with rehosting the image? Is not doing so a problem?

[/ QUOTE ]


it's a problem from some sites because they don't like you hotlinking their images and using up their bandwidth. so you end up with a link to a picture that nobody can see many times. Or, in other cases, it'll work for a while and then after the allotted bandwidth is used up you get a broken link


it's a lot easier to just rehost it on Imageshack
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  #16  
Old 08-09-2005, 03:11 PM
jakethebake jakethebake is offline
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Default Re: Fix this sentence

What kind of golf course calls itself XXX?
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  #17  
Old 08-09-2005, 03:12 PM
WDC WDC is offline
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Default Re: Fix this sentence

winner
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  #18  
Old 08-09-2005, 03:14 PM
shadow29 shadow29 is offline
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Default Re: Fix this sentence

[ QUOTE ]
winner

[/ QUOTE ]

I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening. I believe it has the potential to become one of the state's premier courses, and I look forward to the opportunity to help xxx maximize its potential


I concur.
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  #19  
Old 08-09-2005, 03:15 PM
jakethebake jakethebake is offline
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Default Re: Fix this sentence

[ QUOTE ]
I was very excited to hear of xxx's recent opening. I believe it has the potential to become one of the state's premier courses, and I look forward to the opportunity to help xxx maximize its potential

[/ QUOTE ]

That's very good now where are the pics of the girl?
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  #20  
Old 08-09-2005, 03:16 PM
Rushmore Rushmore is offline
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Default Re: Fix this sentence

Pocket Trips gave the best alternative.

That said, I have read thousands of resumes and cover letters, and should point out two things, based on my experience:

1.) Applicants using phrasing involving "in that" or "as regards" (or whatever) always turn out to be douchebags. As Malcolm X liked to say, "Say it plain."

2.) No need to pull an Eddie Haskell ("My, Mrs. Cleaver, that's a lovely dress you are wearing today," etc.). Just apply for the job. You can always blow me later.

FWIW.
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