Funniest Line You Ever SAID at a Poker Table

[JoeU]

Since the funniest line you ever "heard" thread went nuts recently, I thought I'd change it up a bit.


This can be something stupid that you've said, something witty, but it should be something funny. I'll start us off.

7 Stud/8 home tourney from last night. We are down to 4 players and I'm the chip leader. I get rolled up aces. The player to my immediate right brings it in. I just limp, other two players fold. So we're heads up, and I'm a monster favorite.

By 6th street, I make aces full, having checked the hand the whole way. In the river, I get my card, and bet blind. My opponent calls and I say:


..I've got aces full (I flip over my last card)...oh, I meant quads! [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

One guy fell out of his chair laughing.

Anyone else have something funny that they said?


Joe

[burningyen]

"Raise."

[thirddan]

3/6 lucky chances with a buddy of mine two seats to my right...on his a little messed up from drinking coke and red bull (soda fu[/b]cks me up [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]) so when its his big blind i ask the dealer if i can straddle and she says no...i turn to my buddy and tell him "I guess im not in the right position to straddle you"...we both looked at each other cuz i was totally serious and then we both cracked up (we have immature senses of humor)...hmmm, maybe you had to be there...

[any2cards]

Every so often (doesn't matter if my hand is good or bad before the flop), I state that I am about to play a "MLK Hand".

Sooner or later, someone asks what is an MLK hand. I tell them it is a Martin Luther King hand. You can see the wheels spin behind their eyes as they try to figure this out.

Eventually, taking pitty, I tell them ... "I have a dream" [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Bigdaddydvo]

I reserve this one for online play, but when I'm thinking about putting someone all in, I ask "How much do you have left?"

[mosquito]

I was playing in a very weak 2-4 game in Vegas, and
the dealer was tired of the very slow play by the
newcomers to the game.

He made repeated comments in a semi-derragatory tone
about what action could be taken, who won the hand,
why they won and so forth.

I found a nice comment as I was getting ready to leave:

"Hey Dan (dealer's name), I've gotta go. Just remembered
I'm missing an episode of Sesame Street."

The gal to my right almost bust a gut laughing.

[Talk2BigSteve]

The Funniest Line I have ever said at a poker table...

3/6HE at the Silverstar Casino, a middle aged woman is drinking heavy and cussing about everything and has yet in the last 4 hours to tip the waitresses or the dealers a dime. She folds pre-flop after I raise with AA and the flop comes Trip 4s. Turn 3 and River 7, I win with 4s full Aces, and she cusses me because she "says" she folded the other 4.

I rolled my eyes at her and she said "You got something to say to me boy???" (Being called boy, pissed me off because, although I look young, I am 30 and I am 6'4" and 300 pounds, hardly a boy) and I said "Yeah, Put your Big Girl Panties on and Deal with it!! "

The Table of guys including the dealer rolled laughing and she picked up her remaining chips and calmly left the game without another word.

Living, Learning, and Laughing.
Big Steve [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[Bwm77]

"They're like ATM machines without PIN numbers"

By the way Steve, don't drive those people away from your table.

[sfer]

How much for that tie?

[Talk2BigSteve]

I try not too, but the "Boy" comment gotta little too far under my skin. (I live in the Deep South, I would rather be called a MFer than "Boy") I concur however, Drunk morons are the best to play with. [img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

Living, Learning, and Laughing.
Big Steve [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]