A moral dilemma

[cdxx]

[ QUOTE ]
The crux of the problem is that it's not for mortgage payments. If it was for something like that, I would never have a second thought. It's all for "luxuries," as another poster put it, to which there is no end.

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understandably, but $1200 is not $12k either. sure, have a talk. it won't hurt, unless one of you starts being rude. i just advise that your tone will be more like "here's the money, but please don't use it on luxuries. use it when you really need it, because i can't support you and this won't be a monthly thing."

of course, i would only bring it up IF and WHEN it actually becomes a monthly thing.

[AlexSem]

My parents have the decency to respect that I make w/e I make and spend it as I like, they never asked me for money.

I pay for my bro when we go shopping and stuff like that and it just doesn't matter to me because to him 200$ is a big deal whereas to me it's an hour worth of poker.


I say just make sure you give people money on your own terms, not on theirs. It should not be "hey I need money". It should be "here I'll take care of that don't worry about it".

That way you're always in control.


In your situation, you can't avoid paying, lol. How to get to a stage where it's on your terms again, I am not sure.

I guess you gotta tell them you feel a bit uncomfortable with the situation or whatever.

[Clarkmeister]

[ QUOTE ]
i would only bring it up IF and WHEN it actually becomes a monthly thing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sounds like it already has.

[FeliciaLee]

We have to know more about you to answer this effectively. Like are you 19 and a college student, or are you 35 and still living with your parents? Do you pay "rent," or are you living in a 1000 SF finished basement for free? What are your parent's ages and employment situation?

Given one scenario, you are almost required to give them this money. On another, you need to say no and move out or reestablish the boundries you have with your parents.

I helped my Mom out several times in the past. While this would have happened regardless, the money I gave her ended up supporting her drug addiction, and I was eventually forced to cut her off, which pretty much ended our relationship altogether.

So what I'm saying is that we need more info.

[istewart]

I'm sorry, Mama. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleanin' out my closet.

I got some skeletons in my closet and I don't know if no one knows it. So before they thrown me inside my coffin and close it,
I'ma expose it. I'll take you back to 73 before I ever had a multi-platinum sellin' CD.
I was a baby, maybe I was just a couple of months. My [censored] father must have had his panties up in a bunch,
cuz he split. I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye. No, I don't on second thought, I just [censored]' wished he would die.
I look at Hailie and I couldn't picture leavin' her side. Even if I hated Kim, I grit my teeth and I'd try
to make it work with her at least for Hailie's sake. I maybe made some mistakes but I'm only human. But I'm man enough to face them today.
What I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb, but the smartest [censored] I did was take them bullets out of that gun.
Cuz id'a killed 'em, [censored] I would have shot Kim an' him both. It's my life, I'd like to welcome y'all to The Eminem Show.

[tonypaladino]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm sorry, Mama. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleanin' out my closet.

I got some skeletons in my closet and I don't know if no one knows it. So before they thrown me inside my coffin and close it,
I'ma expose it. I'll take you back to 73 before I ever had a multi-platinum sellin' CD.
I was a baby, maybe I was just a couple of months. My [censored] father must have had his panties up in a bunch,
cuz he split. I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye. No, I don't on second thought, I just [censored]' wished he would die.
I look at Hailie and I couldn't picture leavin' her side. Even if I hated Kim, I grit my teeth and I'd try
to make it work with her at least for Hailie's sake. I maybe made some mistakes but I'm only human. But I'm man enough to face them today.
What I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb, but the smartest [censored] I did was take them bullets out of that gun.
Cuz id'a killed 'em, [censored] I would have shot Kim an' him both. It's my life, I'd like to welcome y'all to The Eminem Show.

[/ QUOTE ]

God, I hate you.

[OtisTheMarsupial]

My answer would be, "I'm sorry, I'd rather not right now."
And then if I felt generous I might surprise her with some furniture for her birthday or mother's day.

If she pressured me, which my mother would NEVER DO lucky me, I'd let her know that "I have a responsibility to my self to pay my taxes and my future self fund my retirement and to my current/ future family to care for their needs and that I'm sorry, but new furniture isn't a need, it's a luxury, and would you like to go out to dinner with me on Thursday, Mom? And I love you and did you like your Christmas gift I gave you that I put a lot of thought into?"

[Kirkrrr]

Thanks to everyone that responded. Your posts were very thought-provoking.

I pretty much decided to give her the money but have a talk over her spending habits. That seems to be the best thing to do.

Again, thanks for your responses.
Kirk