Hold 'em or Fold 'em: Rejected versions

If you've watched coverage of the WSOP on ESPN this year, you've probably seen a series of commercials called "Hold 'em or Fold 'em", where Chris Ferguson makes decisions on whether the chosen player should hold his cards or fold, all while stuck in a refrigerator. What you probably didn't know is that Miller (makers of Milwaukee's Best Light) rejected several versions with other poker pros. Here's a summary of how they went:

* Mike Matusow, take 1:
(insulting tone) "Hold 'em. Man, you ain't got nothing but itty bitty huevos and teeny tiny dogs. I got great big huevos and one huge dog. Wanna see 'em?"
Man opening fridge: (stunned) "No thanks." (closes fridge)

* Phil Hellmuth, take 1:
(angry) "Fold 'em. Can I get the frick out of this refrigerator? It's frickin' cold in here!"

* Eveylyn Ng:
(in revealing, clinging top) "Hold 'em. Can I get out of here? My nipples are starting to get hard."
(Man opening fridge stares at Evelyn's assets, and doesn't close the fridge right away)

* Mike Matusow, take 2:
(snorting baking soda with a drinking straw, livid) "Hold 'em. Can't a man get any privacy around here?"
(he slams the fridge shut)

* Greg Raymer:
(snacking on something) "Hold 'em."
Man opening fridge: (confused) "I thought this fridge was full a few hours ago."

* Daniel Negreanu:
(in shorts & short-sleeved top) "Hold 'em. It's not cold enough in here. Could you turn down the heat or something?"

* Dan Harrington:
(evenly, as if lecturing) "Not enough information. What's the pot size? What are the blinds and antes? Is there a read on your opponent? What happened pre-flop? What are the stacks of the other people at your table? How much does each position pay...
(Man opening fridge gently closes it, looking confused)

* Mike Matusow, take 3:
(on his cell phone, seemingly oblivious) "Hey Bernie. Put 10 dimes on the Saints plus 3." (turns to man opening fridge) "Hold 'em. You didn't hear anything, did you?"
Man opening fridge: "No, of course not."

* Phil Ivey:
(with headphones, exasperated, after a long stare) "Hold 'em. I'll bet Tiger Woods doesn't go through this stuff."

* Phil Hellmuth, take 2:
(after missing one) "If it weren't for stupid donkey players, I'd get every one of these right!"

CYA DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. All names used fictitiously. No disrespect is intended.

[kitaristi0]

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CYA DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. All names used fictitiously. No disrespect is intended.

[/ QUOTE ]

This was the funniest part of this post.

[Dominic]

Jesus Christ, this was awful. I hope you didn't spend much time writing this. And please, refrain from ever attempting to write something humorous again. Ever.

[JihadOnTheRiver]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This is one of the worst things ever. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[Jorge10]

[ QUOTE ]
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[/ QUOTE ]

Was that BOOOOO or BUUUURNS?

[TheIrishThug]

edited

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i withdrew my post, i refuse to finish off a quote that was stated incorrectly

[siccjay]

[ QUOTE ]
Jesus Christ, this was awful. I hope you didn't spend much time writing this. And please, refrain from ever attempting to write something humorous again. Ever.

[/ QUOTE ]

[DDH]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[/ QUOTE ]

Was that BOOOOO or BUUUURNS?

[/ QUOTE ]

[Moleman]I was saying, Boourns.[/Moleman]

[Jason Strasser]

wish i could vote you off the island