Motivation and fear of history repeating itself

[KINGOFINLAND]

Last year this time I went almost busted because of playing way over my bankroll, after very nice upswing.

This year has been bit different, I've done well from the beginning and never played too high compared to my bankroll.
Still I fear that I will somehow lose my whole bankroll, and honestly at that point of my poker career it would be end of it.
And because of that I've became over careful, I find it hard to play lot of hands because I'm happy with the current situation. On the other hand I really would like to play more, because I know the possible good money would help me a lot in future. As well I won't get another chance like online-poker in near future.

It's very pathetic that most of the time I spend using computer it's just browsing the web and rail birding the bigger games, when I could make the money myself.

I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm seeking for, but some words of wisdom are welcome.

[mosquito]

Perhaps you should reexamine your goals.

Taking your BR and setting it aside for a while, and doing something else with your life, is not a tragedy (unless you have no other options, a different kind of tragedy).

Perspective is a great teacher.

If you play limit, have a minimum of 500BB's. I reckon if you are slightly overrolled you will not be worried. 50 buy ins for no limit.

[Warren Whitmore]

What you are doing makes perfect sense to me. I dont think you need any advice. Watching the big games to learn and playing the small games to earn. I dont see a problem with this stratagy.