I think I'm still 12 years old...

[ElSapo]

I've been playing for about four years now. Variance happens. [censored] happens. Losing happens. It hurts, I know. I know it hurts more to lose than it feels good to win. I know I tilt sometimes, and it costs me. I know many of my weaknesses, but I can't get over them. I know I don't stop when I should, I know my ego screws me, I know that feeling of tension in my wrists when I've tilted too much and the money wont be coming back anytime soon.

I've done all that and posted it here before and asked the inevitable "how do you deal with the swings" and I've heard the answers of "that's variance," and "don't post bad beats," and "take some time off," and "tighten up." I've posted all that and heard all that ...

There are no new questions from me, and I wont get any new answers, so why do I still feel compelled to bang my head on a wall and post "how do you deal with the variance" and make the frustration stop and ask all the same old questions all over again.

This morning I got stuck in a good game, and couldn't get un-stuck, and then all the games turned bad but I couldn't leave despite knowing full and well the games were bad. So I got stuck worse, and it stings — a small amount by any reasonable player's standards, 50 BB in 6-max is nothing, but I still hate it.

Four years, and I still hate the swings. Still have the same questions, still know the same answers, still just want someone to say "it happens."

Twelve years old. Still.

It happens.

Also, if 50 BBs is upsetting you (I totally understand, I play $5.50 STTs and get upset when I lose 5 buy-ins), try not looking. Buy in for some really weird, high number (I dunno what stakes you play, but if it's 10/20, buy in for like 6845 or something) so it's hard for you to insta-calculate your session's profit/loss, and only look at the cashier at the end of the month.

[ElSapo]

[ QUOTE ]
look at the cashier at the end of the month.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are there really people who can do this? Because this seems insane to me — I monitor my bankroll swings like I have OCD.

[ QUOTE ]
I know many of my weaknesses, but I can't get over them. I know I don't stop when I should, I know my ego screws me, I know that feeling of tension in my wrists when I've tilted too much and the money wont be coming back anytime soon.

[/ QUOTE ]


Ypur ego does not screw you. You do it to yourself. All poker players screw themselves sometimes. Take it easy on yourself.

You say that you can't get over your weaknesses. That is why- because you think you cant. You just answered your own question.

There was a time for me at the table when I almost always knew exactly how much + or - I was doing in a particular session.

I can tell you are a good player because you are blaming yourself as opposed to a fish who blames his cards/other players.

I started working out again and I cut out processed sugars and I started playing much better. Also time spent in other activities besides poker works great for my game. Start making poker fun again and you will triumph again.

[SNOWBALL138]

Lastnight I played four tables. I bought in for a different amount on each table, and then shuffled them around my screen. I forbade myself from checking the cashier, and everytime I lost a hand I just forgot about it and sometimes even pretended that I had just won. I forced myself to not think about how much I was up or down, and I played some very very good poker.

I can totally relate to checking the cashier every minute though.

I think I picked up the habit when I was bonuswhoring on absolute poker, because I would constantly check my points and then do some quick mental arithmetic to figure out my available balance, how much I was up/down, etc. It was a huge distraction.

[SNOWBALL138]

There's a program floating around the software forum called "tiltblocker". It blacks out your chip count at the table. People seem to like it. I haven't tried it though. I would prefer if I could accomplish this without using a program, because it would help my live game too.

[BluffTHIS!]

[ QUOTE ]
and then all the games turned bad but I couldn't leave despite knowing full and well the games were bad. So I got stuck worse

[/ QUOTE ]

This indicates a discipline problem that goes beyond "simple" variance. Game selection should be a big part of any winning player's edge, and that includes the discipline to leave a formerly good game gone bad when you are stuck. The net is too big and there are too many tables available even at lower levels to play on bad tables.

And you also should have the discipline to take care of your bankroll and drop down when on a losing streak to re-evaluate your game and not damage your roll severely even if you aren't playing bad.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
look at the cashier at the end of the month.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are there really people who can do this? Because this seems insane to me — I monitor my bankroll swings like I have OCD.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just instead of looking at your bankroll, don't look at your bankroll. This is perfectly fine provided that

1) You know yourself to be a winning player at your current limit.
2) You're adequately bankrolled.
3) You're not experimenting with new strategies.
4) You don't want to move up within the next month.

[ QUOTE ]
Variance happens

[/ QUOTE ]

Might make for a good bumper sticker.

I think what you're describing is the difference between "being aware" of something and actually "knowing" it.

Because of my extreme competiveness and wanting to win so badly, whatever I was doing, I used to go on tilt when something went bad. Missing an easy bank shot in snooker, chunking a chip from off the edge of the green - I'd explode. I always knew it happened to somebody else, just not me. I was "aware" these things happened.

One day, somehow, I began to realize I wasn't doing it as much. I was beginning to "accept" that even I was capable of screwing up. My head was starting to "know" it was possible. It was just the way things were/are.

When I was able to see how tilting was making things worse, I began not tilting. Things got better. Life was/is easier.

Today, the Chris Ferguson commercial about "thinking about the next hand" makes perfect sense to me. I get sucked out on; I miss a leaner; I have one curl out on me - I immediately go to the next thing. That's something I can do something about. The past is just exactly that.

Everyone knows Doyle Brunson won the '76 WSOP with the T2. Not many know Jesse Alto finished 2nd. When a SI reporter was leaving, he passed the card room and saw Jesse in a game. He walked over and asked him how he could be sitting there playing after he'd just lost a shot at 200k+. Jesse looked up at him and said, "That game's over." And turned back to the table. That's one helluva perspective.