Dear bison: the May advice thread.

[bisonbison]

A couple weeks ago I made a thread to try to save you from yourselves. Advice was distributed, I shat on some people, lives were changed and souls saved. Nonetheless, it has come to my attention that some people still help need. Plus, I'm running a fever, so I'm bored out of my hot hot throbbing skull, which is why this May advice thread is getting off the ground on April 30th.

So the premise remains the same: many of y'all are broken cymbal monkeys, thrown in the trash behind the carny booth of life, and I'm here to patch you up, and help you get back on that big old prize shelf we call happiness.

If you post an interesting and/or sincere question in this thread, I will respond with life-altering clarity, compassion and concision. It's the least I can do.

[bugstud]

How much longer until I qualify for the WSOP?

[tbach24]

I [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] this thread.

Dear Bison,

I have no ambition. There is only 1 thing I really enjoy, and that is sports. Anyways, I'm not good enough to be an athlete and I doubt that I'm smart enough to get into management. However, since this is my only ambition and I know that I won't be able to succeed in it, I don't have motivation. Help!

[Non_Comformist]

Dear bisonbison,

I have for the last month become somwhat depressed or in a general funk. Cures?

[bisonbison]

Dear bugstud,

The proper format is going to be "Dear bison," followed by a question that isn't dumb.

[mason55]

Dear bison,

My girlfriend (who I live with) is gone for the week. I have plenty of things to do (ie my normal schedule) but I feel like I should do something more, something crazy. The problem is, there's nothing I'm not "allowed" to do (except smoke inside). I would never date a girl like that. I went to the strip clubs last night, but like I said, I could do that any weekend.

Her cat is starting to look pretty hot, is that the answer?

Help me!

[bugstud]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear bugstud,

The proper format is going to be "Dear bison," followed by a question that isn't dumb.

[/ QUOTE ]

ok.

Dear Bison,

Who do you like in the NL Central this year?

signed,
Cubs fan

[bisonbison]

Dear tbach,

Three things:

1. Most sport franchises are not run or staffed by geniuses. They're staffed with reasonably intelligent people. Most people, with effort, can achieve reasonable intelligence.
2. For most non-players, the most straightforward and forgiving way to get a job with a team is to start low and work hard. I'd suggest writing to every pro team in your area (minor or major league/Arena Football/IHL/MLS/whatever as long as you're entertained by the sport) and ask if they have any internships, paid or unpaid.
3. Motivation is like a disease - you don't catch it by sitting around the house, you get it by exposing yourself to new things and seeing what nests in your chest cavity.

[bisonbison]

Dear Noncomformist,

The basics of getting out of a medium-sized funk: stop doing what you're doing and start doing something else. Not posting on internet forums is always a good first step, but for more details I'd need to hear a little bit more about where you're at right now.

[touchfaith]

Dear Bison,

Is there any place that serves a better Linguini With Clams and Mussels (in red sauce) then "Frankie Johnnie & Luigi Too" in Mountain View?

DAMN this is good stuff! My tastebuds are exploding in delight! [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]