What's the best one-liner you've heard?

[Ulysses]

This one wasn't a joke.

A semi-regular limps (in various positions) in w/ KK for the third time I've seen in two days. He takes down the pot and I comment something like "very tricky, sneaking in with those pocket Kings."

His reply, which was 100% serious, was "I never raise with Kings. I don't even like them. All it takes is one Ace on the board to beat them."

[pokerMAM]

I think I read this in Card Player a few years ago. An old geezer was being run over by a young kid who was bragging about his good play and the old man's lack of ability. Finally the old man looked at the kid and said " Twenty years I f#@&*d a buffalo, you may be my son"

maggie

[M2d]

hot, steaming eastern immigrant just got AA cracked for the second time in two rounds. a kindly gent next to him tried to sooth his temper by explaining "fluctuations..." The new english speaker burst out with "fluck you white boy, too!!"

[J.A.Sucker]

Post of the year. Surely the best one-liner.

[bad beetz]

I just spit coffee on my screen and keyboard at work. ThanX, now I have to clean that up. fluck you.

[SKatuska]

I was playing some very low limit Blackjack in a casino in upstate New York last year and a friend of mine was in the last seat. There was a man in the first seat that had been making some terrible plays all night and he was down a bunch. He was grumbling about every little problem. My friend made a call that seemed ok at the time (I forget it now), and he ended up busting. The dealer didn't bust, and the man in the first seat lost with a bad hand (13 or 14 I think). He then started ot whine to the whole table about my friend and my friend looked at him, and said, "Hey buddy, you were losing long before I ever got here" which proceeded to shut the guy up. He left about two hands later.

[brad]

i think i heard something like that in a movie.

[JTG51]

It's not exactly a one liner, but I thought it was pretty darn funny.

Someone raises, someone else calls. They see the flop heads up. It's 3 rags with 2 diamonds. Raiser bets, caller calls. As the turn card is about to be turned, he smacks the table and yells, "Diamond!". Sure enough, the turn is a diamond.

Raiser now checks and caller checks. As the river is about to be turned over the caller smacks the table again and yells, "Another diamond!". It wasn't. He flashed the A [img]/forums/images/icons/diamond.gif[/img] as he folded to the river bet.

[arizdoug]

I heard of this happening a few years ago at a home game (obviously). I wasn't there, so this is second hand.

Playing five card draw. After the draw, a player examines his hand, looks at his buddy across the table and says " I haven't had a hand this good since your little sister j**ked me off at the Christmas party".

[Tyler Durden]

That's priceless. I'll have to add this to my repertoire.