Do we buy him an ass wiper? (seriously)

[CallMeIshmael]

There is this individual who lives on my floor. His name is Mike. He is probably 5'7'', 300-320 lbs. This kid carries one hell of a foul odour. I mean, we can literally smell when his door is open from down the hall.

Earlier in the year, someone left a massive turd in our toilets. I mean, this thing was far and away the largest turd I have ever seen. Something that we noted was that no toilet paper was in the toilet. Originally, we assumed that someone thought "this thing is so huge I have to show it to the world", and probably wiped and flushed in another stall. It was never confirmed explicitly, but Mike is probably the only person on our floor who could squeeze that thing out without a subsequent hospital trip.

However, a friend of mine was hugging some bowl after a long night of drinking, and noticed that this Mike character walked in, dropped, and left immediately - without wiping.

The same observation was made again recently.

Is it possible that someone could be so obese that he not be able to wipe? If so, do they make ass wipers for these people? I mean, this kid is fat, but its not like circus fat.

He isnt a bad guy, and I'd like to help him out, but, how the hell do you suggest he use / give a guy an ass wiping device?