Dr. Dom #2 - Gentlemen don't get laid

[siccjay]

[ QUOTE ]
What about if you just happen to want to sleep with the girl that's your friend but won't act on it because she has a boyfriend (but you still really enjoy her company)?

[/ QUOTE ]

That's silly and unhealthy. Doing this just brings drama in your life. If it isn't now, it will later.

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
Did you ever tell your father that he was wrong?

I'm envisioning you snapping and then telling him off in a Pacinoesque "what women really want" kind of speech.

[/ QUOTE ]

My father is Fonzie. Not Henry Winkler, but the real Fonzie. Italian guy from Jersey. I tell him he's wrong all the time. He's yet to believe me.

[ QUOTE ]

I stopped taking women out to expensive dinners on a first date. I stopped paying for girls at bars, at lunch, wherever - unless we were actually on a date. No more going to the cool cafe with the chick who used to bang my best friend and who I have a crush on, hanging out, listening to her bitch about her ex and the new guy she's sleeping with - and paying for her meal.

No more going out with any girl at any time unless it was abundantly clear that this is a date! And there was a distinct possibility of sexual activity at some point in the evening.

I made sure that a girl knew I was interested in her romantically, sexually, more than "buddies." There was no possibility of miscommunication in this matter.

And it was amazing how this turned my sex life - and my dating life - around.

And you know what, I'm still a Gentleman. I hold doors for women, I do treat them with respect - but no more or less than anyone else, regardless of gender. I'm not a complete [censored]. Only a little bit of one.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is golden. I like to take it a little farther and not even pay for anything unless she has done something for me. Here is my play at a bar if a chick asks me to buy her a drink (which will always be the case because I NEVER offer one).
Her: "Will you buy me a drink?"
Me: "I will if you french kiss me."
If she says no, then she gets no drink. If she suggests a kiss on the cheek, no drink. More often then not if the situation is assessed correctly before you ask, you'll get the kiss. Sure it fails sometimes, but hey wtf has she done for me to deserve my hard earned money? This move is by far the best move I learned for use at a bar. The last time I paid for something for a girl before even kissed her was freshman year of college.....now I'm a senior.
Another key item to have in your disposal is to abuse the fact that girls are jealous, very, very jealous. I first learned this from a pal in high school. I blew my chance at this chick by letting her walk all over me and was doind the typical "gentleman" stuff. My friend told me to start to fade back from her. Talk to her less and less often, and when you do talk to her talk about other women, this is key. She will notice she doesn't have you anymore to listen to her bitching, so she can either step up her game to get your attention, or just stop talking to you and both of those are outcome you want. Needless to say, in a short 3 days after I mentioned other women to this girl, we were banging like there was no tommorrow.

[meep_42]

Dom is this awesome in person, too.

-d

[DcifrThs]

your last Dr. Dom column i think applies to me and i dont want to drag it up to ask one question: since girls and guys can't ever by "friends," does that fact, where accepted coupled with absolutely no expectations of intimacy (physical) actually lead to an equilibrium we can classify as friendship? and what are your thoughts on sleeping arrangements in that case.

case in point. i have 1 girl that is a friend. ive told her i love her and meant it. but not the "in love" kind of love. the love i have for my brother. we did meet when i was attracted to her though and she had a guy at the time i didn't know about so we became what you would call acquaintances. we hooked up once and after that never again. we'd hang out all the time and then i had a serious gf in NY and she was always there for me etc...after a previous girlfriend broke my heart i became obsessed with controlling the one thing i could (in my mind), my appearence. so i worked out all the time cardio running etc. and didn't eat much. none of my friends said anything to me. they just said, "oh, you look great." i weighed 128lbs at my lightest and still thought i was kinda fat, thus imperfect, thus need to continue.

in short, i became mildly anorexic. roxy was the ONLY person who did something about it. she came over every night and made me lasagna or baked ziti and made me eat it. she got me better. i will never forget that and i know i can trust her forever. we've been through a lot of breakups and sex issues and problems together. one night before i left dc, we were about to go to sleep and she started intimating subtly that she wanted to have sex. i similarly subtly told her its not a good idea. since then i went to visit her in december 2004 and we had a great time and she had a bf that was a bit clingy and "gay" and "dorky" but an overall nice guy. we talk on the phone regularly and will definately always be friends...

but...i bring this up now b/c im going to philly next week on tuesday to spend a week with her (not only do i miss her and want to hang out with her, but she's going through a rough spot, or has been for a long time and im going to be there for her. she has to testify the day before i arrive against her ex boyfriend re: assault, rape, battery, theft, grand theft etc....28 counts...she's liek the star witness)

nothing is going to happen physically and i dont expect anything nor want anything besides the fact i have a lovely gf. what is your opinion of sleeping arrangements? im now 25. if i still sleep in the same bed w/ a friend thats a girl, i dunno...seems college-ish...

when we hung out all the time in college, she'd come over (even when i had a gf or she had a bf), we'd smoke, chill out and end up sleeping in the same bed. now though i feel that it may be innapropriate but i can't wrap my mind about why i feel this way now, whereas it was perfectly fine before. i love her as a friend and trust her completely. but for some reason, now i feel that i may have to say to her "i think i'll sleep on the couch" or whatever else is available (assuming some alternative exists).

sorry to hijack your excellent post #2 and rehash an old issue but its coming up so i wanted to get your opinion on it.

thanks. and again, sorry for the temp hijack.

Barron

[imported_anacardo]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

You smile a big [censored]-eating grin and say exactly that: "Sunshine, I'll sit hear and talk and have fun with you, but don't tell me your guy-problems...I'm not your girlfriend - I'm another guy who wants to get in your pants!"


[/ QUOTE ]

How do you say this line? What's the phrasing?
Which words are emphasized and where + how long are the pauses?

[/ QUOTE ]

God in HEAVEN who CARES. Make it your own.

[/ QUOTE ]

Broken sarcasm meter???

[/ QUOTE ]

I would hope so, but I'm willing to believe that an OOTer would ask this in all earnestness.

[astroglide]

it cannot be benign if you're thinking about it this much

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
your last Dr. Dom column i think applies to me and i dont want to drag it up to ask one question: since girls and guys can't ever by "friends," does that fact, where accepted coupled with absolutely no expectations of intimacy (physical) actually lead to an equilibrium we can classify as friendship? and what are your thoughts on sleeping arrangements in that case.

case in point. i have 1 girl that is a friend. ive told her i love her and meant it. but not the "in love" kind of love. the love i have for my brother. we did meet when i was attracted to her though and she had a guy at the time i didn't know about so we became what you would call acquaintances. we hooked up once and after that never again. we'd hang out all the time and then i had a serious gf in NY and she was always there for me etc...after a previous girlfriend broke my heart i became obsessed with controlling the one thing i could (in my mind), my appearence. so i worked out all the time cardio running etc. and didn't eat much. none of my friends said anything to me. they just said, "oh, you look great." i weighed 128lbs at my lightest and still thought i was kinda fat, thus imperfect, thus need to continue.

in short, i became mildly anorexic. roxy was the ONLY person who did something about it. she came over every night and made me lasagna or baked ziti and made me eat it. she got me better. i will never forget that and i know i can trust her forever. we've been through a lot of breakups and sex issues and problems together. one night before i left dc, we were about to go to sleep and she started intimating subtly that she wanted to have sex. i similarly subtly told her its not a good idea. since then i went to visit her in december 2004 and we had a great time and she had a bf that was a bit clingy and "gay" and "dorky" but an overall nice guy. we talk on the phone regularly and will definately always be friends...

but...i bring this up now b/c im going to philly next week on tuesday to spend a week with her (not only do i miss her and want to hang out with her, but she's going through a rough spot, or has been for a long time and im going to be there for her. she has to testify the day before i arrive against her ex boyfriend re: assault, rape, battery, theft, grand theft etc....28 counts...she's liek the star witness)

nothing is going to happen physically and i dont expect anything nor want anything besides the fact i have a lovely gf. what is your opinion of sleeping arrangements? im now 25. if i still sleep in the same bed w/ a friend thats a girl, i dunno...seems college-ish...

when we hung out all the time in college, she'd come over (even when i had a gf or she had a bf), we'd smoke, chill out and end up sleeping in the same bed. now though i feel that it may be innapropriate but i can't wrap my mind about why i feel this way now, whereas it was perfectly fine before. i love her as a friend and trust her completely. but for some reason, now i feel that i may have to say to her "i think i'll sleep on the couch" or whatever else is available (assuming some alternative exists).

sorry to hijack your excellent post #2 and rehash an old issue but its coming up so i wanted to get your opinion on it.

thanks. and again, sorry for the temp hijack.

Barron

[/ QUOTE ]

well, I'll answer your question in the easiest way possible:

no, you shouldn't be sleeping in the same bed with your friend. Why not? Because you have a girlfriend and it wouldn't be appropriate. Plus, it'd be disprespectful to her.

And yes, that's the same answer even if you and your friend never even THINK of having sex together. Doersn't matter.

Would you feel comfortable if your gf went away for a week - not only to see a guy "friend," but sleep in the guy's same bed??

Of course not. So don't ask your gf to understand you doing so.

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
Dom is this awesome in person, too.

-d

[/ QUOTE ]

aw, shucks... [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

[tonypaladino]

Thank you.