Two Plus Two Older Archives  

Go Back   Two Plus Two Older Archives > 2+2 Communities > Other Other Topics

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-22-2005, 04:04 PM
TheMetetron TheMetetron is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 92
Default I have a butt problem

Warning: There will be no ass-eating content in this thread. If that's your thing, I'm sure a google search will turn up something. Also, this is long, a cliff notes has been provided as my first reply.

So 3-4 weeks ago I wake up one morning and I can't walk. Like it hurts bad in the outside, back part of my knee. Standing is just as painful, if not more. I put up with it for a few days then decide I need a doctor to medicate me.

So I call up Kaiser (bleh) and make an appointment for the same day. Go in and see the doctor, he pretends to know what he's doing and asks me questions while playing with my knee. He says he thinks I pulled something despite the fact that I sit on my ass 16 hours a day and lie down the other 8... real strenuous activity.

Anyways, he gives me a prescription for Indomethacin (anti-inflammatory, pain reliever, arthirits [censored]). It sort of helps, but it gives you intenstinal problems which is no fun.

Fast forward to a week ago and my leg is still hurting, except now it has spread to my calf and thigh muscles. And my medication is running out. I go back to the doctor telling him he's a retard and he sends me off for some emergency bloodwork to be done. He won't tell me what the test is for, but I later find out he did a D-Dimer test for Deep Vein Thrombosis, which is essentially a deadly blood clot in your leg.

If this was so deadly and required an emergency blood test, why didn't his ass do it when I came in 2 weeks ago? I hate Kaiser.

This shows up negative and the general practicioner is done screwing around so he sends me a referral to physical therapy to let someone else screw with me for a while.

I go to Vegas for the weekend to find a house and play some p*ker, renting a wheel chair from the Bellagio to get around so I don't get the urge to chop my leg off. This is not fun and completely screws up any chance of getting laid. Girls don't dig guys in wheelchairs.... who knew?

So anyways, I come back and have a physical therapy appointment this morning to which I am of course 15 minutes late, prompting the receptionist to give me a stern talking to.

The therapist asks me to describe the problem, then she does some painful [censored] to my leg that I'm sure she is finding humorous. Her diagnosis is that I have a disc in my spine that is putting pressure on my sciatic nerve. Fantastic, this sounds easy enough to fix... =\

Then she flips me on my stomach and does some more pressure pushing stuff to confirm her belief. Well, pushing on my spine doesn't do anything, but her sticking her knuckles deep into my ass sure is causing a lot of pain.

Oops... I meant you have Piriformis Syndrome, which she loving referred to as "a butt problem". Thanks lady.

Apparently I got this by sitting on my ass all day long. The butt muscle apparently doesn't like this and it is somehow pinching my sciatic nerve when it goes through my butt.

So, I sat there while she tried to message my butt for 20 minutes to no avail. Then the real treat came when she whipped out the ultrasound machine and put hot oil on my ass, which she then rubbed in and put an ultrasound thing on in a circling motion for another 10 minutes. Needless to say, it was a very awkward moment.

So now I've got to go to this physical therapist lady once a week so she can oil my ass and attempt to exert as much pressure on my butt muscle as is humanly possible. All this, and it only took them 3 guesses to figure out what was wrong... I [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] Kaiser.

Oh the kicker... apparently piriformis syndrome is a "very difficult problem to eliminate". Well, that sounds just perfect.

Bottom Line: If you sit on your ass a lot, make sure to get up and stretch often. You really, really don't want to be like me right now.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-22-2005, 04:06 PM
Gunny Highway Gunny Highway is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 12
Default Re: I have a butt problem

Amputate.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-22-2005, 04:07 PM
TheMetetron TheMetetron is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 92
Default Re: I have a butt problem

Cliff Notes

- Metetron woke up one morning and his leg hurt, couldn't walk. He went to the doctor who was an ass-clown and didn't know what was wrong; he did what doctors do best and drugged him up.

- Wheelchairs in Vegas don't get you pussy.

- Physical therapist screwed up diagnosis, too. Eventually, it is decided he has Piriformis Syndrome aka a "butt problem".

- She massages his ass and rubs oil on it while doing an ultrasound. Metetron must return weekly for this treatment and hope that it works.

- Pirirformis syndrome is "very difficult to eliminate" and Metetron is screwed. Don't sit for long periods of time, it's bad for you.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-22-2005, 04:08 PM
TheMetetron TheMetetron is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 92
Default Re: I have a butt problem

[ QUOTE ]
Amputate.

[/ QUOTE ]

Amputate my butt?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-22-2005, 04:08 PM
Gunny Highway Gunny Highway is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 12
Default Re: I have a butt problem

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Amputate.

[/ QUOTE ]

Amputate my butt?

[/ QUOTE ]

It's the only cure.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-22-2005, 04:12 PM
TheMetetron TheMetetron is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 92
Default Re: I have a butt problem

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Amputate.

[/ QUOTE ]

Amputate my butt?

[/ QUOTE ]

It's the only cure.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well... if I must.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-22-2005, 04:12 PM
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: I have a butt problem

So, you've got a woman that'll massage your ass on a regular basis. What's the problem again?

On a more serious note...I ruptured a disc in my lower back a while ago and I get all sorts of problems/pains in my legs periodically. No running, no jumping allowed. Moderate walking. Limited weights that compress the spine (like squats). It's just life now....periodic chiropractor and/or massage therapy helps.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-22-2005, 04:14 PM
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: I have a butt problem

At least the oil was hot.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-22-2005, 04:15 PM
Luv2DriveTT Luv2DriveTT is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 3
Default Re: I have a butt problem

Ya know this thread will be filled with ass jokes any second now. BUT (cough cough cough) until then, I must say you should never complain about a woman oiling your ass with some ultrasound. Sounds good to me!

PS: Also see a Chiropractor.And WTF is Kaiser?

TT [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-22-2005, 04:18 PM
BoogerFace BoogerFace is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Outside Boston
Posts: 36
Default Re: I have a butt problem

It's not just Kaiser, it's MDs in general that suck.

It took multiple visits to multiple doctors to get my arthritis diagnosed. They didn't figure it out until xrays showed joint damage a year later.

Is the PT lady hot? I'm sure you could find scantily-clad hookers in Vegas to put hot oil on your ass.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:45 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.