Course of Action with Girls When in a Serious Relationship

[lennytheduck]

For those requesting, here is another link to a picture of the GF:

In response to the actual posts:

I've been through more than a handful of relationships before this girl and at times when I was far less mature. I can say that I am more so now and know what it is that I am looking for. I know that I would not be in a relationship with someone if I couldn't continue to be so for a long time.

I feel that you can determine fairly early in a relationship whether or not it even has the chance to work out or not. I know guys who are with girls just to "have fun", knowing full well that they will break up with the girl at some point, sooner or later be damned. I would never do that and think it's asinine to do so. If you wanna have fun do so with zero attachments rather than a half-a**ed one. I know enough about this girl (we knew each other for a good while before we started dating) and her beliefs, goals in life, etc. that I want to keep dating her and see where it leads.

On that note, no, maybe it isn't a great idea to be talking to other girls that I'm attracted too but I'm not just going to ignore people I knew before I met my GF. And no I'm not so naive to think its just friends, otherwise I wouldn't be attracted to this other girl (who is really just a for example, I mean I still turn my head for girls all the time) or any other girl I know or will get to know. I don't think it makes me naive at all, but rather a typical human male.

[daveymck]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
This is interesting. Evenings out with other women ? To me jealousy would be perfectly understandable and justified. And in my opinion, you should realize that and just not do that to her.

[/ QUOTE ]

If it was a night out with the lads would that be alright then even if going to a strip club or chatting woman up? I am open and honest with her surely that is the important part. I work away from home and if I want to go out for a meal with a collegue or meet up for a drink later should it matter if they are male or female if its just friendship? Obviously some of these people I become good friends with and so often email, ring or meet up with when near where they are I still dont see a problem with it.

I went out a few times for drinks with a gay male collegue should she be worried then?

As I say she trust me or she doesnt.

[/ QUOTE ]

Every relationship is different. If she's fine with you doing that then so be it. But if I were in a serious relationship, and I knew something like that bothered her I wouldn't do it mostly because I guess I don't think it's appropriate myself. Out of town and have dinner or a drink with a colleague you're travelling with is one thing. To me that's a little different than, "I'll see you later, Honey. I'm going out drinking with Susie," which was what I was picturing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Its not people I am travelling with more people I meet at the client site, some of whom I have met later on months down the line if they or me are in the same area. An example a girl I worked with left and then got a job in London so was moving, I hired a van helped her move to London then had a night out with her and a few of her friends a meal and some beers sleeping over at her house after.

I dont think its wrong for her to feel jealous or uncomfortable, I do at time is she out with the girls when I am away it human nature, I think whats not good is when you use those feelings as a reason to try and change someones behaviour or that the person you love and want to be with feels pressured to change just because of it.

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
For those requesting, here is another link to a picture of the GF:

In response to the actual posts:

I've been through more than a handful of relationships before this girl and at times when I was far less mature. I can say that I am more so now and know what it is that I am looking for. I know that I would not be in a relationship with someone if I couldn't continue to be so for a long time.

I feel that you can determine fairly early in a relationship whether or not it even has the chance to work out or not. I know guys who are with girls just to "have fun", knowing full well that they will break up with the girl at some point, sooner or later be damned. I would never do that and think it's asinine to do so. If you wanna have fun do so with zero attachments rather than a half-a**ed one. I know enough about this girl (we knew each other for a good while before we started dating) and her beliefs, goals in life, etc. that I want to keep dating her and see where it leads.

On that note, no, maybe it isn't a great idea to be talking to other girls that I'm attracted too but I'm not just going to ignore people I knew before I met my GF. And no I'm not so naive to think its just friends, otherwise I wouldn't be attracted to this other girl (who is really just a for example, I mean I still turn my head for girls all the time) or any other girl I know or will get to know. I don't think it makes me naive at all, but rather a typical human male.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well yeah, I wasn't implying you're not a typical guy. I get that.

Sounds like you've given this some real thought, which is cool for your girlfriend.

I also think you can tell, after a few months, whether or not it has the chance to work out based on some basic qualities about the girl. However, there are many things one can do to derail the relationship. Like actively pursuing friendships with chicks you think are hot.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Its not people I am travelling with more people I meet at the client site, some of whom I have met later on months down the line if they or me are in the same area. An example a girl I worked with left and then got a job in London so was moving, I hired a van helped her move to London then had a night out with her and a few of her friends a meal and some beers sleeping over at her house after.

I dont think its wrong for her to feel jealous or uncomfortable, I do at time is she out with the girls when I am away it human nature, I think whats not good is when you use those feelings as a reason to try and change someones behaviour or that the person you love and want to be with feels pressured to change just because of it.

[/ QUOTE ]

To me this depends how big the change is. When you're in a relationship, everyone makes little sacrifices and compromises. Your behavior does change. You stop leaving the seat up in the bathroom, etc. I guess the difference is just what you consider to be a big change versus a little one. To me, not going out with other women is not a big deal to make her a little happier.

[daveymck]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Its not people I am travelling with more people I meet at the client site, some of whom I have met later on months down the line if they or me are in the same area. An example a girl I worked with left and then got a job in London so was moving, I hired a van helped her move to London then had a night out with her and a few of her friends a meal and some beers sleeping over at her house after.

I dont think its wrong for her to feel jealous or uncomfortable, I do at time is she out with the girls when I am away it human nature, I think whats not good is when you use those feelings as a reason to try and change someones behaviour or that the person you love and want to be with feels pressured to change just because of it.

[/ QUOTE ]

To me this depends how big the change is. When you're in a relationship, everyone makes little sacrifices and compromises. Your behavior does change. You stop leaving the seat up in the bathroom, etc. I guess the difference is just what you consider to be a big change versus a little one. To me, not going out with other women is not a big deal to make her a little happier.

[/ QUOTE ]

After 7 years she has cracked me on the toilet seat thing [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img], I share part of the house in my digs with a female and even when she was away for the weekend I was putting the seat down robot like as I do at home now.

FWIW its 8 years since we met coming up this weekend and she was telling me last night how she has been reading through cards I sent her when first met and since, and reflecting on our life together and how happy she is etc, so I dont do too bad by her.