Children's book or cow erotica? You decide.

[CrazyEyez]

Just finished reading a book to my 2-year-old daughter before she went to bed. She got it from the library. I found it a little strange, to say the least. I couldn't stop laughing though. Here are the <ahem> interesting parts, with my thoughts as I read it.

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Cow

Cow.
Grazing in the field on a hot summer's day.

Early morning.
Dawn is breaking.
The first birds sing, and the farmer strolls down the lane,
whistling.

Slowly you rise from the sodden grass, your thick coat wet with morning dew.
Big and heavy, you amble to the gate, full udders swinging between your legs. Well that's kind of weird.

Food drops in front of you, and you bend to eat.
Gently the farmer cleans your udders and puts tubes on your teats. Whoa - he said "teats?" I'm not comfortable saying that out loud to my daughter. Milk is sucked out - rich, warm, creamy milk. WHAT???

You tear the grass and chew the cud, rolling your mouth from side to side, pushing the food with your thick, wet tongue, over and over for hours. A little too much time on the tongue here.

The day warms up, and your breath comes hot and heavy from your broad, wet nose.
You wander down to the river, and take a long drink of the cool, clear water.

As the midday sun blazes, you rest in the shade of the oak tree and close your deep, dark eyes. Ok this guy is flat-out in love with a cow.

Later you wait by the gate, to be first in line, your milk-full udders aching. I feel dirty now.

Lowing deeply as the farmer appears. Pressing forward to the cool parlor at last.

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WTF??? I had to skip some of these parts whilst reading it to my daughter. This author has issues.