Favorite lines from Seinfeld

[steviej1717]

old guy to Jerry

"It's go time"

[ClassicBob]

"Let's go watch them carve this fat bastard up."

Line was completely ad-libbed, and you can see Jerry using the coffee cup to mask his laughter.

[Zoltri]

George, the hand model episode.


MAN: (Clears throat) Tragic story, I'm afraid. He could've had any woman in the world.. but none could match the beauty of his own hand.. and that became his

one true love..

(Long pause)

GEORGE: You mean, uh..?

MAN: Yes. he was not.. master of his domain.

GEORGE: (Makes a gesture saying he understands. The man nods) But how.. uh..?

MAN: (Quick, to the point) The muscles.. became so strained with.. overuse, that eventually the hand locked into a deformed position, and he was left with nothing

but a claw. (Holds hand up, displaying a claw-like shape) He traveled the world seeking a cure.. acupuncturists.. herbalists.. swamis.. nothing helped. Towards the

end, his hands became so frozen the was unable to manipulate utensils, (Visibly disgusted by this last part) and was dependent on Cub Scouts to feed him. I hadn't

seen another pair of hands like Ray McKigney's.. until today. You are his successor. (George looks down at his hands) I.. only hope you have a little more

self-control.

GEORGE: (Smiling to himself) You don't have to worry about me. (Nodding, gloating) I won a contest.

[the42]

"Mr Tommasullo wants to play dirty huh... well there's nothing dirtier than a big ball of oil"

"DID YOU STEAL MY JESUS FISH"

Jackie: Did you put the top on or did they put the top on
Kramer: they put the top on. Is that a problem?
Jackie: Yeah thats a problem. Its a problem for them.

Jaqkie: Who put the balm on? Did you put the balm on? Did I tell you to put the balm on

" What there's a bomb threat. Quick everyone under the desk"

"Festivus the hoiliday for the rest of us"

George( in complete panic )JERRY a women from the unemploymnet departmnet will be calling and you need to answer Van Delay Industries because I told her I was interviewing there for a sales position

Jerry: Who is this

" I'M RICK JAMES BIOCTH " ohh wait thats Dave Chappelle

[kerssens]

the whole sequence where Kramer is "deformed" from the smoking lounge....."look away, I'm hideous!"

[Klepton]

This episode also reminds me of the reason I say "NH"

George is with Mr Tomasulow, and the boss says on the intercom how George's bathroom is now open to everyone, even their families...

George's response - "Well Played."

I laugh out loud just thinking about if he said "Nice Hand"

[ripdog]

These quotes are hilarious! Here's another priceless moment form the Festivus episode:

"Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way."
"What happened to the doll?"
"It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born... A Festivus for the rest of us!"


Line delivered by Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller), arguably my favorite character on the show.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
the whole sequence where Kramer is "deformed" from the smoking lounge....."look away, I'm hideous!"

[/ QUOTE ]

The outtakes that they have of that scene on the clip shows are even funnier.

[WEASEL45]

Kramer: Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint -it's delicious!
Jerry: That's true.
Kramer: It's very refreshing!

Jerry: What happened to your face? It looks like an old catcher's mitt.
Kramer: What?? My face is all craggly, it's crinkly!
Jerry: It's from all that smoke. You've experienced a lifetime of smoking in 72 hours. What did you expect?
Kramer: Emphysema, birth defects, cancer, but not this! Jerry, my face is my livelihood. Everything I have I owe to this face.
Jerry: And your teeth, your teeth are all brown!
Kramer: Look away, I'm hideous.

Jerry : So were going to make the Post Office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer : It's just a write off for them.
Jerry : How is it a write off?
Kramer : They just write it off.
Jerry : Write it off what?
Kramer : Jerry all these big companies they write off everything
Jerry : You don't even know what a write off is.
Kramer : Do you?
Jerry : No. I don't.
Kramer : But they do and they are the ones writing it off.
Jerry : I wish I just had the last twenty seconds of my life back.


Jerry: I had a very interesting lunch with George Costanza today.
Kramer: Really?
Jerry: We were talking about our lives, and we both kind of realized we're kids. We're not men.
Kramer: So then you asked yourselves, 'Isn't there something more to life?'
Jerry: Yes, we did.
Kramer: Yeah, well let me clue you in on something... There isn't.
Jerry: There isn't?
Kramer: Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry, marriage? Family? They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. 'Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?!' And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating.
Jerry: I can?
Kramer: Oh yeah. You know why? Because it's dinnertime, and you know what you do at dinner?
Jerry: What?
Kramer: You talk about your day. 'How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know, how about you, how was your day?'
Jerry: Boy.
Kramer: It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs.
Jerry: I'm glad we had this talk.
Kramer: Oh, you have no idea.

[Benal]

Newman eating broccoli: "Vile Weed!"