So this girl comes to me for emotional support

[mosdef]

[ QUOTE ]
From what I know about their situation (I don't know all the details and it isn't my place to ask about them), the guy was being kind of an [censored]

[/ QUOTE ]

how can it not be your "place" to ask about details, but apparently it is your "place" to provide the solutions?

it sounds to me like maybe she isn't really much of a friend. if you guys were close friends, you're reaction to her crying (for example) wouldn't be to make YOU uncomfortable. it would make you want to help HER. i think you need to tell her to go talk with someone closer to her about her relationships. and if she tells you that you're her closest friend, then she is probably in big emotional trouble. like the kind that should be addressed with a qualified therapist.

[vexvelour]

Hahahaha, I remember going through that 2 years ago. Poor girl, I feel her pain.

I think the best thing that you could possibly do is be a friend. Friends help friends get their minds off of their problems. She needs to wait as long as she can stand to before she makes a decision. This guy obviously doesn't sound healthy for her and she needs to get a glimpse of the rest of the world before she goes snivelling back to him.

You can try and tell her what a douchebag you think he is and all the reasons why, but I can almost promise you it won't get you anywhere. She won't be listening. Like I said, if you can just be there for her, that would be best.

[Xhad]

I've been in this exact situation before. The answer is ... don't tell her what to do. Tell her every reason you have for whatever you may think, but let her come to the conclusion herself. If she doesn't connect the dots herself then either she knows something you don't, or she's so emotional at the moment that nothing you say will change her mind.

[Tilt]

Obviously hes telling the truth about not wanting to get involved with her. Why is that so hard for people to believe? Do others find obsessive dependent emotional train wrecks appealing?

Try and help her figure out that there is more to life than this relationship. But be careful that she doesn't switch her dependency to you.

My opinion about her is that she's just using you as a sounding board while she tries to figure this out for herself. She just wants you to listen to her and empathize with her situation. She's not looking for your advice, she's looking for someone who will listen to her.

Don't offer her advice and just listen to what she has to say. Probe her for details so that she can come to her own conclusion about the situation. She's not going to say, out of the blue, "Wow, you're right. The guy's totally wrong for me and I'm an idiot for trying to make this work". She has to figure that out logically on her own.

She may not figure it out and keep beating herself up over it. Basically, you have to decide how long you're going to listen to her regrets and pain before you've had enough, as she's not listening to your solutions.

[HopeydaFish]

You can't convince her to do anything. She's not coming to you for advice, she's coming to you to talk about her problems. She feels better when she had somebody to talk to about what she's going through. Men can't relate to what she's doing -- most men would never endlessly talk about relationship issues with our other male friends. Women don't want to hear our solutions or follow our advice, they just want to endlessly talk about themselves and their problems. It's cathartic for them.

You're fooling yourself if you think you can help her. She doesn't want your help -- she already knows that the relationship is no good. She'll keep using you as her substitute shrink until she decides *on her own* to give up on the guy. This will probably happen once she meets someone new -- at which point she'll drop you like a hot potato.

I've been down the same "friend" road as you before. Don't let yourself get sucked in. It can be very draining on you.

[ QUOTE ]
So you've never had a female friend? Why is that so hard to believe? I have dozens of female friends. I can't be romantically interested in all of them.

[/ QUOTE ]

No, I've tried it out a few times. I must be unlucky, but the whole "friends thing" with females just doesn't work. And of the few female friends that I did have, there was always this sexual/flirting thing.

Personally, I'd rather hang out with my guy friends and leave the female relationships to dating. There's almost no point as men and women tend to have different interests.

Like I said, there's exceptions. And perhaps your exception still makes the rule. I was just trying to get a point across, your relationship my just be platonic. There's nothing wrong with that if it works, but heading into these things you're still usually an underdog.

Just try to keep an eye on whether or not female friends are attention whores (i.e. only guy friends). That way you'll be more conscious of their intentions. Most girls like attention; many like to take and give nothing in return.

This girl she sounds like an idiot to me. She sounds like the classic girl who's into jerks and doesn't give a damn about a decent guy (perhaps you?). Tell her how stupid you think she is for being so interested in this ass. She'll realize this or at least quit whining to you. Either way, problem solved.

[Peter666]

Some good advice here. Mosquito was dead on.

This quote by Hopey: "Women don't want to hear our solutions or follow our advice, they just want to endlessly talk about themselves and their problems. It's cathartic for them."

is almost true, but replace the word cathartic with selfish.

Try to take advantage of her physically. If that doesn't work then leave her alone.

Since she hasn't taken your advice, tell her you don't want to hear about her boyfriend problems anymore. There's nothing more annoying that a woman who chooses a bad man then complains and cries to everyone about his bad behavior.

And, regardless of your current feelings, it's at the height of selfishness and inconsideration to cry to a guy whom you REJECTED about the boyfriend you rejected him for.

Your "friend" sounds like a real [censored].