Tails

[Chairman Wood]

Gents, peachy and gorie,
I've thought about this for a long time but I've not shared this thought with many people. I really wish I had a tail. Having a tail would just be spectacular. Not like a dog but more like a monkey, so you are not just knocking over [censored] with it but you can do useful things with it. I would love it so it could hold a drink for me while I am currently typing. It would be awesome if it were strong enough so it could support my weight and I could do pull-ups with it. Perhaps even swing from trees using it like our primate friends. I could use it to turn pages in books while using my other hands for both support and a flashlight to read in the dark. Its utility is bounded only by your imagination. Just think of how much more you could accomplish if you had something that was like another hand, but not quite everything that it had. It would be better in some instances and worse in others. I would estimate that it would be worth 1/2 of a hand. I would like someone (from reading a few of his posts, I would think wacki would be the most qualified) to tell me how far back in our evolutionary past that our tails went away. Also, it would be cool if he (or anyone else) would guess why they went away. Thank you all for your time. Any other comments about my love of a backside attachment are most welcome.
The Chairman