Returning to the USA for Xmas...Advice for Americans...

[KaneKungFu123]

The first thing that hits you is how fat people are and how unhealthy they eat. It is very noticable before you leave, but upon returning its magnified by ten. In the Detroit Airport I decided to play a game. I walked around and counted how many obesse women/not obesse. The results I came up with were as follows: 274 obesse/11 not obesse.

Western food has no flavor, is unhealthy and is garabge.

Would you eat regular white bread alone? Probably not, it has not flavor. So when you do eat it, it is only filling. So why are you even eating it at all. You people need to stop being so lazy. Get outside and exercise. Buy some books on eastern cooking. Start using spices beyond salt and pepper. Only rednecks eat ketchup and barbeque sauce. Introduce yourself to Chutney. Do something, because quite frankly, its sickening to have to watch you hand an extra large Coke and Big Mac to your 150 lb 7 year old.

Something has to be done about the way you talk. Southern, Midwestern and Northeastern accents are very hard to handle. If a foriegner gets stuck in an airplane next to a family from Boston or Nebraska or Alabama he is likley to hijack the plane, killing himself and everyone abroad.

For the women out there. Not wearing makeup and letting yourself go is embarrasing. Whenever you leave your home, or wake up, you should make yourself as presentable as possible. You should eat healthy(as should men) and excerise. This will raise your confidence and make you more attractive. When you walk around in spandex pants and no make up staring at the ground with your sad foot steps - I dunno, I start wondering what happened to the American dream?

There is something called water. You might have seen it fall from the sky once of twice, or in a bathtub. You can, infact, drink this. Yes, this is a revelation to you, I am sure, but there you dont have to put sugar into water for it to be a drink.

Christianity --- I wont even go there. Do me a favor though. Dont talk about God in public. Even mentioning God, just makes me want to kill a small animal. Dont say things like "Well, yall know God has his ways" or "Well, we just had to pray to God for his help and he made it all turn out right".

Enjoy your holiday season. Consider going to another country and taking notes. Carry around a notepad and watch how they cook and what they eat and how they act. Take some cooking classes. Practice changing your accent. Maybe, have a surgical operation.

Thank you for your time. Happy Holidays.