My failure as a poker pro (very long)

[Ten7offsuit]

I started playing poker two years ago, with some buddies in college. Standard NL $5 buy in games, none of us knew what we were doing, but we had a lot of fun. Around the summer of last year I really got serious about this game and started reading some books and found my way to 2+2. I was amazed to find a place filled with so many serious poker players who made tons of money discussing all kinds of super advanced strategy. I didn't learn much from here at first, mainly because I just didn't know enough about poker to really learn anything useful here. Around this time was when I first started going to casinos, and the first few times I played very tight and passive but won $40 at a 2/4 game. I went back a few times, always booking a small win, until one day I just ran extremely well. I was getting great cards, hitting every flop, making all my draws, getting paid off on all my monsters, etc. and before I knew it I had turned my $60 buy in at the 2/4 table to an incredible $400 in about 4 hours of play. I was excited, thought I was the greatest player ever, and promptly went home and bought in for $50 at Party the next day. I played all day, starting at 2/4, and three days later I had turned that $50 into $1500 and I was four tabling 3/6 and 5/10. I thought I was at the level of all these guys I kept reading about on this forum making thousands playing poker and I felt like I was on top of the world. I was bragging to people how much money I was winning, making plans to buy plasma tvs and cars and other toys, when it all came spiraling down.

I withdrew $500 (didn't have Neteller so had it sent to me as a check) and continued playing, but I hit my first bad run hard. I stopped getting cards, missed every flop and draw, watched as others drew out on my good hands, and soon my bankroll went from $1000 to $500. I was angry and tilting, yelling at the computer about what terrible fish I was up against, how it made no sense for me to get this unlucky, etc. With my remaining $500, I entered a $215 SNG and was out in the first level. I entered another $215, busted in that as well, and blew my remaining $100 at the 2/4 tables playing like an angry maniac.

I was convinced that I was the victim of bad luck (which was partially true) and bought in for another $50, lost it, bought in for $50 more, lost it, repeated this proccess a bunch of times, overdrawing from my checking account like 10 times ($22 fee for each time) before I decided to take a break. I read SSHE, WLLH, studied this forum, and decided to take another shot at Party. I deposited the $500 check I had received from Party for my cashout into my bank, deposited $500 into Party, and I sat down at a 10/20 full table. I sat there, feeling scared, playing super weak tight because I didn't want to lose my money. I managed to hit a few hands and doubled up to $1000 before calling it a night. The next day I tried the 15/30 tables, ran bad, and lost it all. This started an ugly cycle where I would deposit $500 through IGM Pay even though I didn't have any money in my account, play the 10/20 or 15/30 tables, and when the check bounced have the Party guys take it out of my Party account. This happened a few times, I paid a ton in overdraft fees, and by winter break I was broke again.

I spent about a week at home without poker, but I got restless and decided to try poker again. Put $500 into Party, lost it all. Opened an account with Pokernow, deposited $500, and managed to run that up to $6000. When my bankroll dipped back down to $5000, I managed to control myself and stopped playing 15/30. I had Party take out $1000 to cover my bounced checks, left $1000 in my PN account, and withdrew the remaining $3000 into Neteller. I put $500 into Pokerstars because I'd heard that they had good tournaments and I wanted to give them a shot. I entered the big sunday tournament, didn't cash, played a few 10s and 20s and cashed in one, and one day I had the day of my life as I won the 11 rebuy in a huge field for a prize of $11k. I was excited, I thought I was the greatest tourney player in the world, and dreamed of all the things I would buy with this money. And then I promptly lost it all at the high stakes games (100/200, 10/20 NL?) on PS. Just kidding.

I withdrew $10k into Neteller, and withdrew $8k to my bank account. I hated school, hated my parents and living at home, I was a loser with no friends anyways, so I decided to become a pro. I knew a bit more about poker and bankroll management by now, but I still sucked. I went out leased a nice apartment for $1k a month, financed a car (2004 Infiniti G35), bought a plasma TV, nice furniture, 2 Dell 2001FPs, and my new pro poker career was underway. I had a $5k bankroll on Party and I started multitabling 3/6, and did fairly well my first month, booking a profit of about $5k. After that first month, however, things went downhill fast. I went on a 250BB downswing over 15k hands, then broke even for the next 40k hands. Things started to look better after my 40k break even streak, but after a decent 2k winning streak, I went downhill again until I had no money in my bank account, and $500 left in my bankroll. I couldn't pay rent, insurance, car payments, I had a miserable, depressing life, no food, no friends, no joy, and I tried to kill myself but was unsuccessful. I returned my car, sold my crap, and went home and got a job at a mortgage company where I'm actually doing quite well as of now.

I see plenty of great success stories here, which is great, but I thought I'd give some of you posters a look at a bit of reality. For every one of these guys doing great, there are many more who are struggling at this game, blaming their losses on variance, when in reality, they simply suck and cannot beat the game at a decent rate to be able to generate a steady income. There are tons of guys who probably come here (or are already here) who think to themselves "Wow, I'm so good, I'm beating the 2/4 games at 4BB/100, I'm going to make tons of money" when in reality, you are just running good and will probably end up with at 0.2BB/100 if you are lucky. I know I sound like a angry bitter loser, which I am, but it is the truth. I have more to say but I'm tired of typing and need to go bang the supermodel I'm dating. Peace out ya'll.