Armchair Psychiatrist needed: managing mood swings & tilt factor?

[LargeCents]

Like everyone else, I take some bad beats from time to time and start to steam a little. I am pretty "in tune" with my emotions, so it is easy for me to stand up, put the mouse down, and walk away until I feel stable again. This may actually take several days in some cases... which is not a problem for me because I am not playing poker for a livelyhood or anything. It is just a fun hobby.

But, I still get an itch to play, even though I know I am still "geeked up" (emotionally volatile) about one thing or another that may not even be related to poker. I settle on a middle ground in which I play for very low stakes, or "play money" on one of my favorite online cardrooms. I don't worry about tilting it all away because, hey, it is play money. Anyway, last night I took the worst play money beating of my life, losing half of my bankroll, which was substantial. I don't care, it's play money. But, I worry about the bad habits I might be creating.

So, I was wondering how you guys handle the emotional ups and downs. Are you able to just step away? Or do you modify your play to minimize fluctuations and poor judgements? Maybe some other strategy, like pounding your fist into your head until you get a headache? (I've tried this one, it didn't help me.)

Thanks,
--Cents

[LetsRock]

First of all, I don't think play money is the way to go just because you're tilting. It would be real easy to develop bad habits because "it doesn't matter". I have, on occasion, gone to a play money table for a different game (Omaha, Pinapple) when things are going rough in the real money. This serves as a change of pace and an opportunity to learn a little about other games. I can approach these games from a different perspective because I don't consider myself good at these other games and don't "expect" to win (other than the fact that it is play money opponents). I don't go and play holdem like a maniac just to play.

If I don't feel like playing, I just don't. I don't have to play - I play because I want to. I don't always stop playing because things are slow or ugly, but sometimes I just don't feel like wading through a boring, painful session, so I quit - until I feel like playing again. IF something in particular in my play is bugging me, I drag down a book or two and review the situation to see if I'm making mistakes. (Usually not, but it's good to reinforce lessons.)

If you hope to make money at this game, you really need discipline to play when it's right, and don't play when it's not. Make good decisions and keep records. Being able to verify that I'm up $XXXXXXXX for the long run, makes losing $XXX in a session a little easier to take and will limit the tilt monster.

You should be modifying your play to suit your opponents, not to suit your mood.

[zuluking]

Have you tried pills?

[chesspain]

As a real life psychologist, I will say that there is no simple solution to your dilemma, since you seem to be responding from a position of emotional immaturity (no disrespect intended). If you truly can steam for "several days," and you also allegedly are "pretty in tune" with your emotions, then you may well realize that you are overreacting to having your strong entitlement feelings thwarted (i.e. "I can't believe he cracked my AA with that T8o garbage!").

Although there is no speedy way to develop emotional maturity, some things you can do are:

1. Remind yourself that having good starting cards do not entitle you to win the pot;
2. Remind yourself that the players from whom you receive bad beats are the ones from whom you win money in the long run;
3. Remind yourself that what is important is for you to play well--if you do this, the money will eventually flow your way;
4. Read The Tao of Poker.

Good luck to you!

chesspain

[Al Schoonmaker]

Since Chesspain is a clinical psychologist, while I am not, I naturally defer to him. In addition to his suggestions, I think you should read my four part series on tilt, especially Parts I and IV. Go to cardplayer.com, click on magazine, writers, and my name.
Regards,
Al

[LargeCents]

As a real life psychologist, I will say that there is no simple solution to your dilemma, since you seem to be responding from a position of emotional immaturity (no disrespect intended).

What is your clinical definition of "emotional immaturity", as a psychiatrist? I respect the fact that you have spent many years learning about the diseased mind, as a psychiatrist. Maybe you can describe an emotionally mature person. This is a complete revelation, for me, I guess. I have always considered myself fairly emotionally "evolved". I would love to hear why you assume that I am not "emotionally mature". (no disrespect intended)

If you truly can steam for "several days," and you also allegedly are "pretty in tune" with your emotions, then you may well realize that you are overreacting to having your strong entitlement feelings thwarted (i.e. "I can't believe he cracked my AA with that T8o garbage!").

I guess this is where everything allegedly breaks down, perhaps. I am not steaming because "I can't believe he cracked my AA with that T8o garbage!". I am actually often steaming because of a dispute with a family member, or difficulty with various other relationships. I do get upset about the cards "sometimes", but it is only a fraction of the big picture, and is something I can manage. There is plenty of other stuff that sets me off on a daily basis. I know I need to regulate some of these problems, before I sit down and play some serious poker. But, I play poker, to kinda forget about my problems for a while... It is a catch-22. I think things will sort themselves out eventually. But in the meantime, how do I just check my problems at the door? This is the issue, I think. I guess I was vague in my original post, or I just didn't know at the time. But, when I start steaming about a particular hand, I am really steaming about my [censored] roommate that is trying to ruin my life, or some other problem. Do you get my drift?

Although there is no speedy way to develop emotional maturity, some things you can do are:
1. Remind yourself that having good starting cards do not entitle you to win the pot;
2. Remind yourself that the players from whom you receive bad beats are the ones from whom you win money in the long run;
3. Remind yourself that what is important is for you to play well--if you do this, the money will eventually flow your way;
4. Read The Tao of Poker.


Good advice for anyone, in fact. I've done this advice, and read the articles, etc. I know you mean well with the good advice, but it is really too much of a "cookie cutter" advice. I am starting to wonder more and more about the "pills" that was suggested by zuluking. What is your professional advice about the "pills"?


Good luck to you!

chesspain



Thanks, and good luck to you too! Do you play chess?

--Cents

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
I have always considered myself fairly emotionally "evolved". I would love to hear why you assume that I am not "emotionally mature". (no disrespect intended)

[/ QUOTE ]

Ah...maybe because it takes you "several days" to feel stable after taking some bad beats, whereas I assume that most mature adults get over it, in like, minutes.



[ QUOTE ]
I guess this is where everything allegedly breaks down, perhaps. I am not steaming because "I can't believe he cracked my AA with that T8o garbage!". I am actually often steaming because of a dispute with a family member, or difficulty with various other relationships....There is plenty of other stuff that sets me off on a daily basis.

[/ QUOTE ]

If "plenty of other stuff" is setting you off on a daily basis, then you obviously have poor frustration tolerance, which can also be a sign of emotional immaturity. What do you think you should try to do about this?



[ QUOTE ]
I know I need to regulate some of these problems, before I sit down and play some serious poker. But, I play poker, to kinda forget about my problems for a while... It is a catch-22. I think things will sort themselves out eventually.

[/ QUOTE ]

Really, so these problems will just sort of go away on their own...interesting...



[ QUOTE ]
But in the meantime, how do I just check my problems at the door? This is the issue, I think.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, not really.



[ QUOTE ]
I guess I was vague in my original post, or I just didn't know at the time. But, when I start steaming about a particular hand, I am really steaming about my [censored] roommate that is trying to ruin my life, or some other problem. Do you get my drift?

[/ QUOTE ]

Loud and clear.



[ QUOTE ]
I know you mean well with the good advice, but it is really too much of a "cookie cutter" advice. I am starting to wonder more and more about the "pills" that was suggested by zuluking. What is your professional advice about the "pills"?

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe instead of asking for advice from strangers, and then becoming defensive when you don't like what you hear, you could make an appointment in person with a professional, who will take the time so that the two of you can figure out what the problems are and what possible solutions/treatments might be appropriate.

Good luck to you.

chesspain.

[Clarkmeister]

I recommend a good dose of Tommy Angelo

www.tiltless.com

[LargeCents]

Chesspain, I just asked for clarification of your own words. But, you can't seem to understand basic sentence structure. Defensive? How about just plain confused at your pompus attitude. If you are what you call "emotionally mature", give me a freaking baby bottle!

I love the plug for an appointment with a psychiatrist. Do they also teach you salesmanship at the quack school?

Don't bother responding, it is obvious you are only trying to pick a fight. Get a life.

--Cents

[MicroBob]

for what it's worth....i did not catch too much of a defensive tone in your previous post and it DID strike me as a request for clarification.
i thought chesspain's accusations of defensiveness weren't entirely necessary and it did seem some clarification on both sides was called for....i too thought that your initial post was referring to bad-beats tilting you out at the poker-table....not everyday life-stress issues.

however, your response here is extremely over-the-top and lends credence to some of chesspain's observations regarding emotional maturity.

i'm not saying i have the toughest life in the world....but i dont have ANY problems in my everyday life that set me off for days or cause me such distress as to effect my poker-game (or much of anything else for that matter).

additionally, your ideas that chesspain is recommending you seek help just so some other professional can make $$$ off you is kind of silly.

do you think chesspain has some friend in America's Dairyland who is just licking their chops waiting to make a profit off of you??


i have a relative who had some minor anger management issues. after seeking a little bit of help and also trying a little bit of medication (i think Paxil...not sure) the behavioural and mood changes are noticeable. said relative reports feeling better about things in general and also sleeping better (after several years battling insomnia).

i am not a big fan of meds being a 'cure-all' for all of life's ills....but in my limited experience with someone who has tried them with successful results i can say that they do seem to work in certain situations.

i dont know if you need to talk things out or whether you could benefit from some meds or not....but if life's general problems are causing such an impact in your life i suggest you do something about it because it doesn't seem terribly healthy.


life's to short to be that upset all the time....get your various issues straightened out.